Thanks for all the great advice...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Blessingpoetry, Jan 8, 2009.

  1. Blessingpoetry

    Blessingpoetry New Member

    Thank you to everyone who responded to my introductory post.
    Sorry it took me so long to get back on here.
    My stepson was diagnosed by his pediatrician as having ADHD.
    Due to a lack of funding, we have not had a full neurological workup done on him as of yet, but that needs to be done-I would agree.
    We have been opposed to counseling for him for a myriad of reasons- between not being able to find a counselor who would even SEE a child of his age within our area/means...and we do not want to throw anymore medications at him than necessary...I realise not all counselors can/will do this.
    I'm just saying.
    I've personally had some really bad experiences with counseling, and have been reticent to put him through that. He's had some bad life experiences that we realise can be the cause of some of his problems, and we do not want it all to be constantly dug up in counseling.
    We feel that as a 7yr old child, he is not going to understand the whole 'getting in touch with your feelings' concept, and all it will do is re-traumatize him again.
    I realise that I am opening the door for being attacked on this view, but it is just how we have felt about putting him in counseling.
    His mother is a smoker, drinker and drug abuser. I did not know her at the time she carried TAD (his int's)...but I can pretty much guarantee...she was at ALL of that during his prenatal stages.
    I am going to get a copy of The Explosive Child this weekend. Thanks for all the recommendations on it.
    A website/forum that I have really gotten a lot out of...has been the LOVE and LOGIC group.
    They are amazing. Don't know if anyone else has ever heard of them. I am gonig to attend a conference in April of theirs.
    Thanks again for all the help...its appreciated...thanks for listening...
  2. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Hey, I'm with you on the couseling thing. We had one say to us that after a year of visits that she's got nothing to show for it. My mother is a PsyD and even she says it's hard to find a good therapist LOL

    My suggestion - Look into play therapy or EMDR therapy.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Blessing. I see what you mean about him being too young to understand feelings and not wanting to rehash old stuff.
    However, what if you found a child psychologist who specializes in behaviorism and practical solutions? That way, you can just approach each item with more of a no-nonsense approach, let's-tackle-this-now-point of view.
    That's the sort of counselor we have and it has worked very well.
    Psychologists cannot write scrips, so you don't have to worry about the medications.
    Just a thought.
    Sounds like he was exposed to a lot in-utero. Poor kid.
    I'll check out the Love and Logic group. I thought they only sold books!
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2009
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Good to hear from you.

    As for counselling, I hear you. But there is counselling, and then there is counselling. Keep an open mind and do some digging for yourself. Find a local support network and make contact. Pick teir brains. There ARE counsellors who would help, and who would be able to work with a 7 year old child. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is good stuff to try, they don't just sit tere and listen while you talk (or don't talk), they actually work with you on developing skills such as learning to reduce your own anxiety with deeb breathing, meditiation/relaxation and so on. They can help a kid with negative self-talk to recognise tis and turn it around, which in turn can really help a kid with poor self-esteem.

    Or - you could go to the local library, look it up yourself, teach yourself and then try to help your son yourself, because you know him best and you can then recognise what is helping him and what is not.

    Anyway, it's a thought.

  5. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    My difficult child is my second son. For him counseling has not worked well. He does not agree with it and won't participate. However, my youngest son has experienced issues and deep self discouragement. (Some brought on by the behavior of Son#2). Son #3 does well in counseling. He is age 10 now, but the approach they use for him works with younger kids. The counselor does not just sit and talk with him. She uses play therapy or uses a sandbox approach.

    In play therapy the child and therapist go into a special room full of toys. The child is told they can do anything they want. If there is something the child can not do the therapist will tell them. The therapist has several different techniques for reflecting what the child is doing or feeling. For some kids being able to pick up a toy weapon and kill the therapist over and over is their way of working issues out. Each child is different though.

    Sometimes the therapist pulls out a sandbox. The child picks items off of the shelves and builds a seen that represents today's theme. Themes are suggested by the therapist. Might be how the child feels. The shelves contain figurines with all kinds of emotional expressions, animals, house hold things ect. The first time Son #3 did it he had everything from a loving mother and child to an upside down school buss (Showed frustration with school). He also had a dragon and three headed dog (remember fluffy from Harry Potter). They represented his two older brothers fighting. He was represented by a smaller dragon trying to get away.

    I post this as to show that, yes - therapy does not work with all kids. But also to show different examples on how a good therapist can work with younger kids.

    Good luck