That Daughter of Mine

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MeNotHappy, Jun 8, 2014.

  1. MeNotHappy

    MeNotHappy New Member

    Hello everyone - newbie here. A couple of months ago, I asked my adult daughter to go to the supermarket for me and gave her my debit card. When I checked my account, I noticed there was a deduction of $200. I asked her about it and she denied it.
    Only after I showed her proof did she admit saying she should've asked. Ya think?

    This past week my son found out she has been stealing money from him to the tune of 11K! I had noticed her buying herself expensive toys - an iPhone, luxury handbags, Jordan sneakers but never suspected anything since she has a job. My son had an extra bank card at home and she took it . I am devastated. This child has been a headache since she was of high school age. Rebellious and strong-willed. She's had so many opportunities for school as well as jobs and she has blown each one. We also found out why she's been stealing: she's addicted to prescription painkillers. My son was going to use that money to buy his first car. I can't stand her.

    To top it off, I'm battling cancer. I've had various types of chemo treatments and I'm going for a bone marrow transplant the end of this month. This causing me so much stress. I had to move in with my son a year or so ago due to my illness. My son has such a good heart and is not pressing charges but it certainly won't be the same. He buys her stuff and even paid taxes she owed this year. I am so angry with her. She simply doesn't care about anybody except herself - classic narcissist. She knows she has an addiction. We checked out some rehabs and are supposed to go tomorrow to get her into one that'll accept her insurance. I'm still digesting this
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the board but I am so sorry you had to find us under such difficult times. You will find a great group of parents here who have walked more than a mile in the same shoes as you have. There isn’t much that we haven’t heard, experienced or had happen to us so nothing shocks us anymore. You are now among friends who will gather you into our fold.


    Now I will warn you that because we all have been through the wringer with our difficult child's (the problem children who brought us here) we can some times be pretty blunt and tell it like it like it is. That comes from years of dealing with our kids, schools, the police and other various agencies we have all had the pleasure of being involved with. It does get old after awhile as Im sure your you know.


    Please take this time to let us know as much as you can about your difficult child. Has he/she ever been diagnosed with any mental health issues and if so when and where? Are they compliant with whatever mental health programs are supposed to be in place if any?


    How about substance abuse? If so, what type and when did it start? That can play a part in a downward spiral if your child was fairly okay and suddenly turned into the devil himself.


    Whatever the case, we are happy to have you. I also urge you to join us for some talk that isn’t all difficult child related in the Watercooler forum.
     
  3. MeNotHappy

    MeNotHappy New Member

    Thank you for welcoming me. I'm comforted yet saddened that so many of us have this in common. No worries about being blunt!

    My difficult child has never been diagnosed with any mental health issues. Her addiction is prescription painkillers, specifically Oxycodone/Percocet. I believe she's been active since March this year. She has always had an attitude problem since her teenaged years. I forgot to mention that - as a child - she often "found" money in the subway. Truth is she has had this bad habit of stealing since she was 7 or 8 years old. I never realized it though.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion, you need to focus on getting well right now. It is horrible what your daughter did, but it will not help you heal if you dwell on it at this time. Your son is a gem and I'm glad he is helping you. You put all of your energy into your health and I do hope you check in often and give us updates.

    I would limit contact with daughter while you go through the medical procedures you have to do and not deal with her until you are much better. It could take a year after your treatment to feel energetic enough to think about dealing with her. For now, make sure your son knows to take care of your assets and to keep her at a distance from you.She can find her own rehabs...she is old enough...if she is serious about quitting. You should not be burdened with this problem at this time. Going into rehab without a burning desire to quit is usually a bust anyway. Let her take care of herself or not take care of herself. It is her own decision. I don't k now how old she is, but she is past the age when you need to try to fix her. You can't. Only she can.

    There are times to deal with our wayward adult kids and time to take it easy and think about ourselves and in my own opinion, I think this is a good time for you to do all you can to make this hard time as easy as it can be for you so that you can heal your body. Stress is not our friend, especially when we are ill.

    Hoping to hear more from you. We are here 24/7 including holidays so if you need to vent, somebody will always be around to answer.

    I am happy you joined us.
     
  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Your son sounds like a really nice guy who loves his sister. I hope he does not continue to buy her things or in any way bail her out financially.

    If she goes to the rehab they usually have support groups for the families. I would encourage you to go. i know it's hard when you're drained and exhausted from the chemo. A therapist that could see you and your son would be helpful, too, in order to get strategies and support in dealing with your daughter.
     
  6. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    MeNOt,

    I'm sorry you had to find your way to the board. You've gotten some good advice, and others will weigh in. I have mixed feelings about your son's choice to not press charges...of course it is your family and I would not presume to guess what is best...but the loss of $11K is pretty crippling, and I feel like he deserves recognition and restitution over time. I also feellike she needs to face big consequences or she will continue her merry way of destructiveness.

    In my own family difficult child stole from his siblings regularly (they were all teenagers, so nothing litke 11K!) That ongoing process, and my inability to protect them or stop it in any way, or to make it up to them (although the number of ipods I purchased as replacements was truly astronomical) has cost them to this day, and I don't blame them. I guess what I'm saying is...the nice solid brother who is supporting you should feel supported, not damaged by his sister's inability to control herself, or his mother's desire to keep the peace or protect the sister from consequences.

    Its exhausting. We know, and we are sorry. Keep posting...it helps.

    Echolette
     
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    menothappy welcome i can't improve on what the other wise warriors have posted, so just wanted to say hi, i'm listening and welcome you to the group; we are here for you always. sending hugs and positive energy your way

    nancy
     
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