I had been a lurker here long time before registering. Ended up registering because I had this very bad feeling that something was up. That difficult child is hiding something (and those are never good things, if he needs to hide them.) I have tried not to think about, reminded myself he is an adult etc. Still I have been fretting. And making up all kinds of awful scenarios about what it could be. He is at home visiting now and finally told me what this is about. Mostly a huge relief compared to everything I have been fretting about. Apparently difficult child has struggled much more in certain matters than he has told us and now his team wants to do something about it. He is having social skills issues and they are worried he is not making friends and getting more comfortable around others. There is some weird learning difficulty issue that makes things more difficult and then there is issues with following team rules (not the big ones but the everyday things.) In many sports teams athletes take care of team discipline among themselves by having these mock courts that hand out smallish fines for all kind of rule breaking. Some of the rules may be totally silly to keep it fun, you can get fined because the ugly sunglasses or because of being a goody two shoe and never being fined, but most are for things around punctuality, tidiness and being meticulous. When bigger group of people works and spends time in smallish space and travels a lot with lots of stuff and tight schedules those things are very important. And those are not the things difficult child has ever excelled. We did know he tended to always be a one of those who got fined the most but unfortunately it seems there may be a bigger problem. What his coaches are worried about is that he doesn't seem to be learning. He has been fined a lot, they even started to change his fines to community service (made him do all the dirty, yucky, boring or heavy lifting duties there is the team) because the mock court found out he didn't even always have money for food because of the fines. Still their book keeping shows he didn't improve. difficult child is not the first, last or only scatterbrain in the team but not learning is something they are worried about. Only thing he did improved on was making sure he has all his stuff with him. And that had probably more to do with some changes in his packing system and with the person sitting next to him looking after him than learning from consequences. So now his coaches are worried this may be a matter of can't instead of won't. The learning difficulty issue seems an really odd one. difficult child seems to have a lot of difficulty when he is shown a tape of his performance and corrected. Somehow he doesn't really connect what he sees to what he did and after they have watched the tape, talked about what should be done differently and they start to practice, it comes clear difficult child often somehow totally misunderstood how his coach wanted him to do it. difficult child says he really has trouble connecting what he sees to how it feels. Unfortunately this tends to be one of the most important teaching methods and difficult to work around. With social issues it is not so much that difficult child would have done something totally unacceptable but more like he is still having trouble to fit in, trouble to make friends, trouble to get along especially with those who are close his age. They are worried he may be lonely and miserable and that showing in his performance. And that he will always have difficulties to fit in, if his social skills don't improve. difficult child had his through medicals lately and their doctor did refer him to the neurologist (who also had an access to those neuropsychologist evaluations done to difficult child when he was younger) who agreed with earlier neurologists. Problems with executive function, sensory issues, issues with this and that but nothing that could be diagnosed, he is just functioning too well for that. He did recommend certain interventions and recommend the specialist who could be useful. The team is willing to use that specialist to help find solutions, but they would like difficult child to be willing. He isn't. They say they may coerce difficult child to it anyway but they would rather have someone (and guess who that someone always is...) talk him around to it. difficult child is miserable. He feels he tried his very best, gave his all and it's just not enough. That he is never good enough and he is again singled out. That they just don't want him there. And that there is no point in even trying, when it never works out. He even brought up an incident from kindergarten. He had always had difficulties finding friends and before kindergarten begin we practised a lot many social situation, role played how to ask if he could be a part of the play etc. He was very determinate to try, did follow instructions, even felt it went well. Then month to the kindergarten one of the kids had birthday party and invited everyone else but difficult child and even told him, that no one wanted to be with him. difficult child bawled his eyes out because of that (and yeah, I did too, then he wasn't seeing.) It was of course handled by adults but after that difficult child was very wary in even trying for the longest time. And now he feels this is just the same. And what is even the point in trying to fit in and be a good team mate when it doesn't work for him anyway, ever. I know it is an unconstructive pity-party and doesn't help him at all. And I shouldn't buy that at all. But I can't help but feel for him. I was already able to guide him to more constructive way of thinking and I know I can talk him over in the working with that specialist thing and I do know he is a resilient guy, he will get through this. But my heart is breaking!