That sinking feeling...

[Lil]

Hi youngmom. Would you believe, my husband and I are thinking of selling our house? lol We started while our son was "at college". We have some work to do to fix it up a bit and we've got several other houses in the neighborhood for sale, so we're looking at a year or so. I just find it funny that we're thinking of 1) downsizing and 2) moving to the country. We'll have a 30 minute commute or more and that would be the perfect time to say, "You can't come" because he won't want to anyway. But realistically, we'll see how it goes. If he works, keeps a job, is polite and doesn't destroy our house or leave a huge mess, we actually don't mind if he stays...but our empty nest was sure nice and he knows we liked it that way. We're taking it day to day.

 

[Childofmine]

e working or in school... its okay to insist on some effort.. this is something in between.

I think this is a brilliant idea for those who aren't ready to say you can't be in my house anymore. If difficult children are trying and there is clear evidence they are making some progress, this could be a halfway measure. A compromise.

 

[youngmomwithadultson]

Isn't it funny how the house becomes the easier part of the equation? I think we do what we can everyday to cope. If we end up in a happier home with less grass to cut or in an apartment near the beach, I don't think that will be a bad coping mechanism. When I first wrote about my story, someone told me to go do something nice for myself, I have yet to figure out WHAT THAT IS!! HA! I'm laughing because I'm having some fun figuring it out. Would you like to join me in a little effort to cope with the pain by trying to do something nice for ourselves. I'm trying to find something reasonable that helps me let it all go. I used to have a happy place. My old happy place isn't my happy place anymore. So, maybe i'm on a quest for a new happy place. I don't know if that's doing something nice for myself yet, I reserve the right to change my mind! lol oh one more thing about your son getting a job.. if he loses his job... don't be upset.. get excited that he learned how to get a job like I said before.. because that's a new skill that is very valuable and guess what.. you taught him that!!

 

[Lil]

He's actually been so much better recently. It never lasts, but he does have moments. I know I'm quite lucky, relatively, compared to other folks on this board who's difficult child's don't even have moments.

He does little things, like take out the trash. Today I called him because I couldn't remember if I'd taken my BiPolar (BP) medications. He wasn't even home, but got a friend to run him back so he could look and tell me so I didn't have to leave work and run home. He's talking to us more about just nonsense, watching tv with us. Really, most of the time I like him better now than I have for the last couple years. He's also gone a lot. He hangs out with a friend most of the day. Granted, I don't like this stoner and possibly dealer friend...but he doesn't come home obviously high as he used to before and we have the house to ourselves a lot.

Right now, things are pretty good. Like I said, might be the calm before the storm...but I'll take these moments of calm for what they are.

 

[youngmomwithadultson]

in my humble opinion we shouldn't be looking to knock them down either that was never the point. Please don't think we are looking to see your son fail. So, its ok to be excited today that you are having fun with him, that it feels good to be getting along with him. I bet its helping that he's not around the house as much because he's at work. space does everyone a lot of good. maybe its a baby step towards more space for you and your husband. i'm gonna take a note from your book and some good advice from others I need some space from mine and some quiet too...

 

[Lil]

in my humble opinion we shouldn't be looking to knock them down either that was never the point. Please don't think we are looking to see your son fail.

Oh no, I didn't think that! I tend to take an "expect the worst and hope for the best" attitude toward most things.