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Family of Origin
That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673290" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Is it about being good enough? Being good enough in our own minds eye to make mistakes and see them for what they are? Mistakes?</p><p></p><p>Trying and not succeeding, and still trying, but the mistakes became huger than the trying.</p><p>It wasn't that they were huger.</p><p>They became like that because we looked at ourselves with <em>those </em>eyes.</p><p></p><p>Those eyes that would revel in our mistakes and the blunders of our children. Those eyes that rolled and formed the words-</p><p>"See, it was you all along, you just weren't good enough.</p><p>If only you had listened to me and done what I said, you would be okay, but you are not. You were never okay, and I told you all along. You don't listen to me, and you never did, I will hear you no more, and speak to you no more, but I will speak <em>of </em>you."</p><p></p><p>That is what it means to me right now.</p><p></p><p>It is wet and humid with the rain and low hanging clouds. I can't see the stars this morning. The sky is covered with clouds so full, yet the rain just eeks out and drizzles. Slowly dripping.</p><p></p><p>The stream below, once dry and lifeless, is bursting forth with sound.</p><p>I cannot see it, but I hear it.</p><p></p><p>It is like that today, the memories, so full in my mind, but drizzling in. The realization, coursing through my veins, like the sounding stream below. Finding it's way to the ocean, muddied waters.</p><p></p><p>The filter is gone, the swamps, long ago filled and built up into communities.</p><p></p><p>It is my life, with all of the experiences and yesterdays developed into what I am today. I am.</p><p></p><p>The ocean is tainted brown before the reefs. I am.</p><p></p><p>I am the ocean, and the taint of the unfiltered memories stain my soul. I am.</p><p></p><p>I will rise with the tide of my promised future and cleanse myself with a mighty swell of waves, large and magnificent. I will wash the muddied waters fresh with whitewashed waves, beating upon the shore. I am.</p><p></p><p>I will knock down all of the concrete buildings and return the swamps and revitalize the land, replenish the eco system, replant indigenous plants. </p><p></p><p>Protect the land, protect the ocean. I am.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673290, member: 19522"] Is it about being good enough? Being good enough in our own minds eye to make mistakes and see them for what they are? Mistakes? Trying and not succeeding, and still trying, but the mistakes became huger than the trying. It wasn't that they were huger. They became like that because we looked at ourselves with [I]those [/I]eyes. Those eyes that would revel in our mistakes and the blunders of our children. Those eyes that rolled and formed the words- "See, it was you all along, you just weren't good enough. If only you had listened to me and done what I said, you would be okay, but you are not. You were never okay, and I told you all along. You don't listen to me, and you never did, I will hear you no more, and speak to you no more, but I will speak [I]of [/I]you." That is what it means to me right now. It is wet and humid with the rain and low hanging clouds. I can't see the stars this morning. The sky is covered with clouds so full, yet the rain just eeks out and drizzles. Slowly dripping. The stream below, once dry and lifeless, is bursting forth with sound. I cannot see it, but I hear it. It is like that today, the memories, so full in my mind, but drizzling in. The realization, coursing through my veins, like the sounding stream below. Finding it's way to the ocean, muddied waters. The filter is gone, the swamps, long ago filled and built up into communities. It is my life, with all of the experiences and yesterdays developed into what I am today. I am. The ocean is tainted brown before the reefs. I am. I am the ocean, and the taint of the unfiltered memories stain my soul. I am. I will rise with the tide of my promised future and cleanse myself with a mighty swell of waves, large and magnificent. I will wash the muddied waters fresh with whitewashed waves, beating upon the shore. I am. I will knock down all of the concrete buildings and return the swamps and revitalize the land, replenish the eco system, replant indigenous plants. Protect the land, protect the ocean. I am. leafy [/QUOTE]
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That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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