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Family of Origin
That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673292" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We are real, in allowing our vulnerability. Maybe, we are hearing ourselves for the first time.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, back to the clarity about this thinking I am doing this morning. What I am saying is that those feelings of rudderless, or of not knowing the landmarks that would tell us we are proceeding correctly as we change the nature of our interactions with ourselves, and with others, <em>that is bravery. That is the feeling of courage, when we fly by the seats of our pants having chosen the best we know or can learn.</em></p><p></p><p>It only looks like bravery once we are safely (and successfully) through the changed interactions where we have chosen some new way of responding that we believe in.</p><p></p><p>So, we are doing well, then.</p><p></p><p>When we feel uncertain, we must check our intentions and reality check, too, but then, we must learn to accept and even, celebrate not knowing, not feeling certain we have handled whatever it is well.</p><p></p><p>We probably have handled our situations well.</p><p></p><p>We are cultivating flexibility and presence, so if we haven't done it perfectly, we can know we have learned something worthwhile. If we can hold faith with our processes, I think we will be okay.</p><p></p><p>Fear is the place to put boundaries around. Love, I think we have that. Fear is the thing ~ that fearsome place where we feel so small ~ that is the abuser's vision, and those are the abuser's eyes we are seeing ourselves through.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, we won't be able to do anything more than allow the feelings and survive the feelings and whatever the aftermath is.</p><p></p><p>So, that is courage.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, all we can see is the fear. We do not see ourselves, standing up.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>We seem to be well able to see that for one another, though.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673292, member: 17461"] We are real, in allowing our vulnerability. Maybe, we are hearing ourselves for the first time. *** So, back to the clarity about this thinking I am doing this morning. What I am saying is that those feelings of rudderless, or of not knowing the landmarks that would tell us we are proceeding correctly as we change the nature of our interactions with ourselves, and with others, [I]that is bravery. That is the feeling of courage, when we fly by the seats of our pants having chosen the best we know or can learn.[/I] It only looks like bravery once we are safely (and successfully) through the changed interactions where we have chosen some new way of responding that we believe in. So, we are doing well, then. When we feel uncertain, we must check our intentions and reality check, too, but then, we must learn to accept and even, celebrate not knowing, not feeling certain we have handled whatever it is well. We probably have handled our situations well. We are cultivating flexibility and presence, so if we haven't done it perfectly, we can know we have learned something worthwhile. If we can hold faith with our processes, I think we will be okay. Fear is the place to put boundaries around. Love, I think we have that. Fear is the thing ~ that fearsome place where we feel so small ~ that is the abuser's vision, and those are the abuser's eyes we are seeing ourselves through. Sometimes, we won't be able to do anything more than allow the feelings and survive the feelings and whatever the aftermath is. So, that is courage. Sometimes, all we can see is the fear. We do not see ourselves, standing up. Cedar We seem to be well able to see that for one another, though. :O) Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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