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Family of Origin
That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 673295" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I cannot get that imagery out of my mind, as I come through this layer. It feels like that to me, to see what was done through my own eyes and not through the eyes of the abuser.</p><p></p><p>Like a rape; or like a person kidnapped and made to serve in that way. And who goes on believing that is her purpose, in the world. To serve in that way; to be made happy, and to feel fulfilled, in serving in that way.</p><p></p><p>Like the General.</p><p></p><p>And we do not want to be spitting on anyone ourselves.</p><p></p><p>So, it is better to know.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for the ugly in it, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>I feel very ugly, sometimes. I look very ugly to myself, sometimes. I find I have not been kind or generous or strong in my life and I wonder how I remained locked into them. And I feel badly for myself, and protect myself and find myself worth protecting, and admire my bravery and courage and heart.</p><p></p><p>Our abusers had no right. Decency forbade it. Had we not been as kind, as forgiving, as willing to believe the beautiful things we believe, they could never have played their sick little games as they have. That is probably why they look at us so closely, as they do. They are trying to figure us out. Maybe, they expected to see eradicated instead of just broken.</p><p></p><p>Look what they have done, to our sibs.</p><p></p><p>To their mates.</p><p></p><p>To our grandmothers.</p><p></p><p><em>And to our children.</em></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 673295, member: 17461"] I cannot get that imagery out of my mind, as I come through this layer. It feels like that to me, to see what was done through my own eyes and not through the eyes of the abuser. Like a rape; or like a person kidnapped and made to serve in that way. And who goes on believing that is her purpose, in the world. To serve in that way; to be made happy, and to feel fulfilled, in serving in that way. Like the General. And we do not want to be spitting on anyone ourselves. So, it is better to know. I am sorry for the ugly in it, Leafy. I feel very ugly, sometimes. I look very ugly to myself, sometimes. I find I have not been kind or generous or strong in my life and I wonder how I remained locked into them. And I feel badly for myself, and protect myself and find myself worth protecting, and admire my bravery and courage and heart. Our abusers had no right. Decency forbade it. Had we not been as kind, as forgiving, as willing to believe the beautiful things we believe, they could never have played their sick little games as they have. That is probably why they look at us so closely, as they do. They are trying to figure us out. Maybe, they expected to see eradicated instead of just broken. Look what they have done, to our sibs. To their mates. To our grandmothers. [I]And to our children.[/I] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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