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The adult child who left is back...sort of...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 615468" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sus, as usual, you have amazing insight. You are right, of course, and did not really contradict Hound Dog. He was always VERY logical thinking without emotion getting in his way. Although he did not exhibit the usual attachment problem behaviors, he did not show much emotion.</p><p></p><p>S. could not attach to a family, however he did attach to friends because he had grown up with his little peers as his main support system. Once we had a talk about whether or not he was attached to us. He was bright enough that you could talk to him about that and he'd "get it." He was well into his teens by then, possibly over eighteen. He said, "I don't know how I feel. It's like I can't feel normal to you and Dad." When I asked about his friends he perked up and said, "I can feel close to my friends."I can't remember why the subject came up. A few years after that, before he met his now wife, he was trying hard to make an effort to bond. He would hug his father, me and his sister and say nice things although never "I love you." Then there were problems during the wedding, but NOTHING that serious. Still, that was when he disappeared. His vague reasons were things like "You gossipped about us before the wedding." That's the one I remember clearly. He could not explain what he meant. From what I gather, the family talking about his wedding was something he couldn't accept...but don't all families talk about upcoming family events? I believe his wife was more upset about it than him...but did her family never discuss the upcoming wedding? I don't know. Nobody has ever gotten a clear answer regarding his actions.</p><p></p><p>I do think he bonded really well, if not intensely, to his wife, which is a good thing for him. I do not know how he will react with his sons if they do not grow up to be the way he wants them to be. He is very rigid, and if one or both rebel against his strict religious beliefs...I don't know if he will do well with it or not. He is absolutely 100% positive, as is his wife, that his beliefs are the only right way to think. There is no room in his world for dissension.</p><p></p><p>Susie, I agree that he is there mainly to brag or flaunt and that not reacting much is the best way for me to behave. So I take back my idea of "liking" his posts. He is waving a carrot in front of me...his child and soon both children...knowing full well that he won't let me see them and knowing how much I would like to be their grandmother.</p><p></p><p>I am mostly on FB for dog rescues and have many of them as my friends. There are a few old friends I keep up with too.</p><p></p><p>I am not going to unfriend him just because I may post something he doesn't like. I will not reject him the same as he has rejected me. But if he uses a post against me or whatever...so what? He has already used fake things against me. It doesn't matter anymore.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, I can see that he is well and thriving in his life and can at least get sometime photos of his children. That is until he unfriends ME...lol. Heck, it could have already happened. As I said, he is rigid in his thinking a nd will not deviate from the beliefs of his specific church. I am very pro-gay rights and express that on FB at times and liked a comment about Utah's gay marriage law today. That may be enough for him to leave (shrug). Funnily, I just thought about that right now, just before I typed it.</p><p></p><p>I appreciate the responses A LOT. This is a very touchy issue for me. I don't think a lot of people get this at all or why he would do this. But you and HD get it and I'm grateful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 615468, member: 1550"] Sus, as usual, you have amazing insight. You are right, of course, and did not really contradict Hound Dog. He was always VERY logical thinking without emotion getting in his way. Although he did not exhibit the usual attachment problem behaviors, he did not show much emotion. S. could not attach to a family, however he did attach to friends because he had grown up with his little peers as his main support system. Once we had a talk about whether or not he was attached to us. He was bright enough that you could talk to him about that and he'd "get it." He was well into his teens by then, possibly over eighteen. He said, "I don't know how I feel. It's like I can't feel normal to you and Dad." When I asked about his friends he perked up and said, "I can feel close to my friends."I can't remember why the subject came up. A few years after that, before he met his now wife, he was trying hard to make an effort to bond. He would hug his father, me and his sister and say nice things although never "I love you." Then there were problems during the wedding, but NOTHING that serious. Still, that was when he disappeared. His vague reasons were things like "You gossipped about us before the wedding." That's the one I remember clearly. He could not explain what he meant. From what I gather, the family talking about his wedding was something he couldn't accept...but don't all families talk about upcoming family events? I believe his wife was more upset about it than him...but did her family never discuss the upcoming wedding? I don't know. Nobody has ever gotten a clear answer regarding his actions. I do think he bonded really well, if not intensely, to his wife, which is a good thing for him. I do not know how he will react with his sons if they do not grow up to be the way he wants them to be. He is very rigid, and if one or both rebel against his strict religious beliefs...I don't know if he will do well with it or not. He is absolutely 100% positive, as is his wife, that his beliefs are the only right way to think. There is no room in his world for dissension. Susie, I agree that he is there mainly to brag or flaunt and that not reacting much is the best way for me to behave. So I take back my idea of "liking" his posts. He is waving a carrot in front of me...his child and soon both children...knowing full well that he won't let me see them and knowing how much I would like to be their grandmother. I am mostly on FB for dog rescues and have many of them as my friends. There are a few old friends I keep up with too. I am not going to unfriend him just because I may post something he doesn't like. I will not reject him the same as he has rejected me. But if he uses a post against me or whatever...so what? He has already used fake things against me. It doesn't matter anymore. In the meantime, I can see that he is well and thriving in his life and can at least get sometime photos of his children. That is until he unfriends ME...lol. Heck, it could have already happened. As I said, he is rigid in his thinking a nd will not deviate from the beliefs of his specific church. I am very pro-gay rights and express that on FB at times and liked a comment about Utah's gay marriage law today. That may be enough for him to leave (shrug). Funnily, I just thought about that right now, just before I typed it. I appreciate the responses A LOT. This is a very touchy issue for me. I don't think a lot of people get this at all or why he would do this. But you and HD get it and I'm grateful. [/QUOTE]
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