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The Watercooler
The adult child who left is back...sort of...
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 615508"><p>Dear MM,</p><p></p><p>I am having a tough week and that probably colors my answer a lot. I think that him accepting your friend request is a crack in your estrangement. I too would be very careful and I would lay low and not comment or like often and definitely would not share. </p><p></p><p>I don't think it's coincidental that his older son about the same age S was when you adopted him. It may be a watershed moment for S. I remember when my first child was 4-6, and how it brought back vivid memories of my own self at that age. Even though I have memories of being a toddler, they are more vague yet I can remember (when prompted) kindergarten, 1st grade and beyond like it was yesterday- see the classroom, my friends, my own bedroom etc. Perhaps, S is remembering becoming a part of your family and realizing you loved him and has happy memories. Maybe he is a bit perplexed by his own 5 year old and realizes that parenting isn't an exact science. I also don't think it is odd that he never let himself bond with you or his dad. Hurtful and unfortunate, yes, but maybe understandable. Bonding with you would mean accepting that his bio parents and even his bio culture had rejected him. IIRC he is Asian, and that culture (among others) is usually male offspring centric. It may be that his wife's family perpetuates that which could bewilder him even more and feed his ego at the same time - leaving you stuck in the role of scapegoat.</p><p></p><p>So, I might be grateful for this tiny crack. I don't think it's a bad thing even if it's temporary and he unfriends you later. I would enjoy the pics and knowing that he is OK and let in unfold (or not) in its own time.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 615508"] Dear MM, I am having a tough week and that probably colors my answer a lot. I think that him accepting your friend request is a crack in your estrangement. I too would be very careful and I would lay low and not comment or like often and definitely would not share. I don't think it's coincidental that his older son about the same age S was when you adopted him. It may be a watershed moment for S. I remember when my first child was 4-6, and how it brought back vivid memories of my own self at that age. Even though I have memories of being a toddler, they are more vague yet I can remember (when prompted) kindergarten, 1st grade and beyond like it was yesterday- see the classroom, my friends, my own bedroom etc. Perhaps, S is remembering becoming a part of your family and realizing you loved him and has happy memories. Maybe he is a bit perplexed by his own 5 year old and realizes that parenting isn't an exact science. I also don't think it is odd that he never let himself bond with you or his dad. Hurtful and unfortunate, yes, but maybe understandable. Bonding with you would mean accepting that his bio parents and even his bio culture had rejected him. IIRC he is Asian, and that culture (among others) is usually male offspring centric. It may be that his wife's family perpetuates that which could bewilder him even more and feed his ego at the same time - leaving you stuck in the role of scapegoat. So, I might be grateful for this tiny crack. I don't think it's a bad thing even if it's temporary and he unfriends you later. I would enjoy the pics and knowing that he is OK and let in unfold (or not) in its own time. Hugs to you [/QUOTE]
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