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The Angry Phase?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 652000" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>WearyMom, anger is most definitely a part of this path. Mostly it follows the five stages of grief which is denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is not in order and we tend to cycle through each a few times. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, it is helpful.</p><p></p><p>You have had a lot on your plate and I support you getting away. If there is anyway to block her texts I would do that, if not, don't read them for intervals, perhaps, read once a day or every other day. They are unlikely to change in tone and if she really required immediate assistance, she could always call you.</p><p></p><p>It's important to take steps back, as you are comfortable doing so, keep stepping back, refraining from responding, little by little, detaching from the 'drama tornado' as a friend of mine calls it.......the tornado will suck you in every time until you are strong enough to be in it and not react. Until that time, keep away from it. </p><p></p><p>We form scripts with our kids. They act or say something and the script has always required we respond a certain way. Then we stop responding that way. The other, in this case, your daughter, will respond by upping the ante, threats, manipulation, anger, rage, whatever she believes it will take to get you back in the fold. That's why you stepping back is so important, with each step you get further away from the tornado and it's impact lessens. Not responding in my opinion is the best option. As the saying goes, "engage with crazy and you too become crazy." Refrain. </p><p></p><p>The truth is you're doing a really good job. And, part of this journey is that it keeps popping up again and again in order for us to gain strength and the resolve we need to detach from our troubled kids and their dramatic lives so that we can learn acceptance, acceptance of what is, acceptance of what we can't change, acceptance of reality. It is a tough journey and it takes time, it is a process, just like the stages of grief. We cycle through and we cycle through again and then one day we say, "gee, I haven't felt any of that in a long time, I feel okay, regardless of what my troubled kid is up to." Acceptance has begun.</p><p></p><p>You might read Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie, any books by Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle or Brene Brown, those books have assisted a number of us to learn how to live in uncertainty and to be okay in the midst of what we can't control.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is, learning to accept what is where our kids are concerned is a big nut to crack, a really big one......but it can be done and you will gain your life back, your joy, your peace, your happiness.......it's one step at a time, sometimes up and down and sideways.......it is not a straight path. Stay the course, keep posting, keep yourself in supportive environments where you feel nurtured and nourished, that will help enormously for you to keep your strength and resolve. You're not alone, we're here with you. I'm glad you're here.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 652000, member: 13542"] WearyMom, anger is most definitely a part of this path. Mostly it follows the five stages of grief which is denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is not in order and we tend to cycle through each a few times. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, it is helpful. You have had a lot on your plate and I support you getting away. If there is anyway to block her texts I would do that, if not, don't read them for intervals, perhaps, read once a day or every other day. They are unlikely to change in tone and if she really required immediate assistance, she could always call you. It's important to take steps back, as you are comfortable doing so, keep stepping back, refraining from responding, little by little, detaching from the 'drama tornado' as a friend of mine calls it.......the tornado will suck you in every time until you are strong enough to be in it and not react. Until that time, keep away from it. We form scripts with our kids. They act or say something and the script has always required we respond a certain way. Then we stop responding that way. The other, in this case, your daughter, will respond by upping the ante, threats, manipulation, anger, rage, whatever she believes it will take to get you back in the fold. That's why you stepping back is so important, with each step you get further away from the tornado and it's impact lessens. Not responding in my opinion is the best option. As the saying goes, "engage with crazy and you too become crazy." Refrain. The truth is you're doing a really good job. And, part of this journey is that it keeps popping up again and again in order for us to gain strength and the resolve we need to detach from our troubled kids and their dramatic lives so that we can learn acceptance, acceptance of what is, acceptance of what we can't change, acceptance of reality. It is a tough journey and it takes time, it is a process, just like the stages of grief. We cycle through and we cycle through again and then one day we say, "gee, I haven't felt any of that in a long time, I feel okay, regardless of what my troubled kid is up to." Acceptance has begun. You might read Codependent no More by Melodie Beattie, any books by Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle or Brene Brown, those books have assisted a number of us to learn how to live in uncertainty and to be okay in the midst of what we can't control. It is what it is, learning to accept what is where our kids are concerned is a big nut to crack, a really big one......but it can be done and you will gain your life back, your joy, your peace, your happiness.......it's one step at a time, sometimes up and down and sideways.......it is not a straight path. Stay the course, keep posting, keep yourself in supportive environments where you feel nurtured and nourished, that will help enormously for you to keep your strength and resolve. You're not alone, we're here with you. I'm glad you're here..... [/QUOTE]
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