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The Anti-Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 319367" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>Holidays are very difficult for me anymore. I am most aware during those times of all the absences--all the loved ones who were there through my childhood and even young adulthood.... Holidays were such special and happy times, and now all the grandparents have died, one parent has died, my former husband has died, all the aunts, uncles, and cousins have either died or moved away. And now difficult child is out too--which is actually a good thing, since she has very deliberately ruined every holiday for years, one way or another--but I also remember the special holidays when she was younger. It's very depressing.</p><p> </p><p>I know I need to focus on finding new traditions and appreciating my mother and other daughter. I feel in a bind between thinking I'm being selfish and ungrateful for what I have, but also feeling sad for all the special times that will be no more. My mom and I have discussed many times that we would both really prefer to skip the whole thing, but we also know that is not fair to the little one. We've got to find some new strategies, and we are working on it. One step I've decided on this year is to put the Christmas tree in her bedroom rather than in the common area. I really think she and I will BOTH be happier this way. For me, to put it in the same spot I always have would be awful this year. I need to make some things drastically different.</p><p> </p><p>One thing I have learned, which has helped on the financial end, is that my child is very content on the "Santa" end of things if there is just a large spread of "stuff." That is the main excitement, rather than what the "stuff" is, although I make sure there are at least one or two "fun" things. I fill up the floor area under the tree with things I would have to buy anyway later--such as varieties of dog treats and rawhides, large bags of dog food, spring and summer clothes she would need anyway, etc. Sparkly pencils, notebooks, and other "cool" school supplies also work. She also needs a new set of sheets for her bed and new towels and washcloths for her bathroom. Special foods also work...chocolate chips, brownie mixes, etc. I know that many children would not be happy with this, but thankfully I have ONE child who is almost always happy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 319367, member: 8226"] Holidays are very difficult for me anymore. I am most aware during those times of all the absences--all the loved ones who were there through my childhood and even young adulthood.... Holidays were such special and happy times, and now all the grandparents have died, one parent has died, my former husband has died, all the aunts, uncles, and cousins have either died or moved away. And now difficult child is out too--which is actually a good thing, since she has very deliberately ruined every holiday for years, one way or another--but I also remember the special holidays when she was younger. It's very depressing. I know I need to focus on finding new traditions and appreciating my mother and other daughter. I feel in a bind between thinking I'm being selfish and ungrateful for what I have, but also feeling sad for all the special times that will be no more. My mom and I have discussed many times that we would both really prefer to skip the whole thing, but we also know that is not fair to the little one. We've got to find some new strategies, and we are working on it. One step I've decided on this year is to put the Christmas tree in her bedroom rather than in the common area. I really think she and I will BOTH be happier this way. For me, to put it in the same spot I always have would be awful this year. I need to make some things drastically different. One thing I have learned, which has helped on the financial end, is that my child is very content on the "Santa" end of things if there is just a large spread of "stuff." That is the main excitement, rather than what the "stuff" is, although I make sure there are at least one or two "fun" things. I fill up the floor area under the tree with things I would have to buy anyway later--such as varieties of dog treats and rawhides, large bags of dog food, spring and summer clothes she would need anyway, etc. Sparkly pencils, notebooks, and other "cool" school supplies also work. She also needs a new set of sheets for her bed and new towels and washcloths for her bathroom. Special foods also work...chocolate chips, brownie mixes, etc. I know that many children would not be happy with this, but thankfully I have ONE child who is almost always happy. [/QUOTE]
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