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The autism rears it's ugly head at get together last night
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 287554" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>They can improve from here. difficult child 1 was like this. He's not now!</p><p></p><p>There were multiple problems with this for L.</p><p></p><p>1) It was a snap deicion to go, he did not get the chance to prepare himselfmentally to be around other people. But hey, they're friends, he probably though, "I'll be OK, I know these people."</p><p></p><p>2) But other people arrived. Strangers. And lots of them. </p><p></p><p>3) There was a lot more noise, a lot more activity and then fireworks. </p><p></p><p>All at zero notice, all with no preparation, all with no escape "safe area" anywhere. If he didn't actually melt down and have a tantrum, he deserves praise. It means he held things together a lot better than I think you realise. He just needed some of his more obvious coping strategies to make it possible.</p><p></p><p>For future reference - you can do this sort of thing again and you probably should, but when you do go somewhere like this, plan ahead (as best as you can) and with the host's connivance, find a 'safe place' for him to go to, then as soon as you arrive take him there. Depending on how you can trust him the safe place could be the host's bedroom, or a guest room (not where coats & bags are being put). A basement, an attic. A cadboard box somewhere. The laundry is often good.</p><p></p><p>By taking him home you showed him that you respected his discomfort and supported him, although you also showed him that it's not acceptable behaviour either.</p><p></p><p>YOu did good all round. You took risks of course, but we need to do that occasionally with our spectrum kids. They do need to be off balance from time to time because we ALL need that. But it needs to be within our capabilities. And finding out what his capabilities are, is tricky.</p><p></p><p>The best we can do is the best we can. Can't do more than that.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 287554, member: 1991"] They can improve from here. difficult child 1 was like this. He's not now! There were multiple problems with this for L. 1) It was a snap deicion to go, he did not get the chance to prepare himselfmentally to be around other people. But hey, they're friends, he probably though, "I'll be OK, I know these people." 2) But other people arrived. Strangers. And lots of them. 3) There was a lot more noise, a lot more activity and then fireworks. All at zero notice, all with no preparation, all with no escape "safe area" anywhere. If he didn't actually melt down and have a tantrum, he deserves praise. It means he held things together a lot better than I think you realise. He just needed some of his more obvious coping strategies to make it possible. For future reference - you can do this sort of thing again and you probably should, but when you do go somewhere like this, plan ahead (as best as you can) and with the host's connivance, find a 'safe place' for him to go to, then as soon as you arrive take him there. Depending on how you can trust him the safe place could be the host's bedroom, or a guest room (not where coats & bags are being put). A basement, an attic. A cadboard box somewhere. The laundry is often good. By taking him home you showed him that you respected his discomfort and supported him, although you also showed him that it's not acceptable behaviour either. YOu did good all round. You took risks of course, but we need to do that occasionally with our spectrum kids. They do need to be off balance from time to time because we ALL need that. But it needs to be within our capabilities. And finding out what his capabilities are, is tricky. The best we can do is the best we can. Can't do more than that. Marg [/QUOTE]
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