The best interview question EVER!!!

[Abbey]

I'm in the middle of another one of those dreaded online applications. I couldn't believe this question. It's 6am and I'm in my office laughing my bootie off. Here it is:

How often do you currently use cocaine, crack, meth, LSD, speed or marijuana?

1) Daily
2) one to four times a week
3) one to four times a month
4) Never

....and here's the kicker... (drum roll, please)

5) I don't remember

I was so darned tempted to pick #5.

WHO IS GETTING PAID TO WRITE THESE QUESTIONS? AND WHAT IDIOT WOULD ANSWER YES TO ANY OF THESE EXCEPT #4??? Even your best drug addict knows how to lie very well. I want their job. I'm sure I could come up with some really good questions.

Abbey

 

[timer lady]

OMG, Abbey, didn't know human resourse departments had gotten so desperate for goofy questions.

I'm laughing - what kind of job is this? I bet HR doesn't remember either!:coffee2:

 

[Abbey]

This was for Lowe's.

Abbey

 

[lizanne2]

Who uses Meth one to four times a month...... I think they are trying to see if the appplicant is a LYING drug addict!

 

[donna723]

Stupid question! But maybe it's for legal reasons. If someone answered "No" and then they found out that they really did use drugs, they could then fire them for lying on their application - a lot easier than firing someone for using drugs. I don't think they ask that on our State applications - they just drug test everyone. And we've had more than one turn around and leave when they found out they'd be drug tested.

 

[Star*]

On an application I had from the Family Dollar - (no kidding) it had almost same question:

Have you ever eaten mushrooms?

1.) Yes
2.) No
3.) I don't know

I put 3 - I don't know. Because -I've had a pizza - and could have eaten mushrooms and I like Ragu sauce and could have eaten mushrooms - but don't really like them.

The manager was literally ROFLHAO. Called me into the office and said - NOT THOSE KIND OF MUSHROOMS.

OHhhhhhhhh......Yeah well it didn't say "Have you ever eaten magic mushrooms and seen purple dinosaurs dancing on the wall." it said have you ever eaten mushrooms. I don't do drugs so how the heck was I supposed to know?

 

[Nomad]

Holy cow!

I really feel sorry for people applying for jobs on line...I hope I don't have to do this anytime in the near future...but it seems this IS the way it is.

That question is just way off.

Maybe they are looking for people NOT reading the questions or who can't read or who are nervous or stupid or who lie compulsively or who tell the truth compulsively LOLOLOL!

Too bad they don't have a fill in the blank on the question and you could put in what you think of the question.

 

[DammitJanet]

What a stupid question. That is just like the gun registration forms. They actually ask you "are you addicted to drugs?" Uhmmm, who is going to say yes to that when they are trying to buy a gun? And isnt addicted in the eye of the beholder? LOL.

 

[Marcie Mac]

When I went to London back in 70 something for the Queen's Jubilee, I remember getting a card to complete on my trip back to the states. It wanted to know if I was carrying any contraband, and what kind, and was I a Terrorist and did I intend to carry out any covert activities. I tried to hard to get the stewardess to give me an extra blank one to put in my scrapbook.

But its nice to know that after all these years, the person who wasted the brain cells comming up with something so utterly stupid - like anyone sane is going to fill in yes I fullly intend to carry out rape, pillage and general mayhem - is still apparently working.

Marcie

 

[Abbey]

Geez. Glad they didn't ask mushrooms. I eat them nearly every day. Not the magic ones, just the generic ones. And they don't give you a space to comment if you said yes. "Yes, I ate mushrooms. It was the best Dominos pizza I've had in awhile."

Marcie Mac...thanks for giving me the 3rd chuckle of the day. Am I a terrorist? Ok, I'll just that blank. Now can I get on the plane? Ok, I raped and pillaged a few times, but that's in the past.

Abbey

 

[Star*]

Grab yer torch and pitchspork.

 

[ThreeShadows]

What if you've raped, pillaged and caused general mayhem in a past life? Now THERE'S a dilemma!

 

[DammitJanet]

OMG...the only people stupid enough to answer truthfully to these questions are not old enough to actually read these questions! LOL. Ok maybe not stupid.

A toddler might answer truthfully but then I doubt they have been smoking much crack nor have they been out pillaging and raping. They could be carrying contraband but they probably wouldnt know it was contraband...lol.

I actually did carry contraband in from Italy in the 70s! I snuck in blood oranges and a switchblade knife. I was a bad, bad girl. I hid my switchblade in maxipads in my carry on luggage...lmao. The oranges went in my checked bags.

 

[KTMom91]

Abbey, have you found the question that asks you how much you've stolen from past jobs?

 

[Abbey]

Abbey, have you found the question that asks you how much you've stolen from past jobs?

Oh, yeah. That's on every app. Sometimes the amounts vary, every now and then going up into the hundreds. Yeah, I'm going to click that. Actually, the Lowe's one gave you an out as it did not include incidental office supplies. How nice of them!

I also like the 'how many times in the past 3 months have you never shown up for work' question. Hmm...maybe I'll click the 10+ answer.

Abbey

 

[DammitJanet]

What odd applications!

Why not just come right out and ask "Are you are sociopath or psychopath?" "Are you a fleeing felon attempting to avoid prosecution?" If not, we will hire you!

 

[susiestar]

Those questions are so STUPID. I actually was NOT hired for several jobs in my early twenties because I was too honest. Several HR people said that while they believed me they could not hire me because corporate said that the only people who said they ahve never shoplifted, stolen or used illegal drugs (and beer/whiskey before age 21 did not count) are lying. The idea was to only hire those people who admitted to what they had done. These were retail chains with hundreds to thousands of stores across the country.

I was so angry. I just couldn't figure out WHY they thought that honesty was a bad thing. In two of the stores they asked me to fill out an app because I had done things like gone back when a cashier gave me too much change or I discovered that they hadn't charged for one or more items I purchased (intended to purchase). One was a grocery where I had taken Wiz with me. He was hungry and I KNEW he would pitch a fit if I didn't feed him. He wanted a banana in that way that only an autistic spectrum child can want a specific thing only. I took two bananas up to the register and paid for them and had the cashier initial the receipt and the skins of the bananas so that the managers would KNOW we were not stealing them.

They thought that was so strange and wonderful. Most people apparently eat fruit they don't pay for all through the store. Or feed it to their kids. If the needed snack is packaged (like carrots in a bag for a set price, not a by the pound price, then I just open the container and let the cashier know we opened it and ate some.

But since I wouldn't lie and say I stole or used drugs or whatever none of these chains could hire me. I KNOW employees at each of these places had records. Partly because I talk to people. Partly because two managers told me if I had a record they could hire me as long as I was up front about it. My one citation for a collision on a greasy hill in a parking lot didn't count. Neither did my one speeding ticket way back when.

Who makes these policies and stupid questions? Who would be dumb enough to answer that tehy steal or use drugs? It just does NOT make sense.

 

[Andy]

Sounds more like an assessment than a job application. Are you sure you are not being assessed for an inpatient treatment center somewhere? I think these people are taking apart a chemical dependency and mental health assessment and throwing questions out there.

I guess I better be even more grateful for my job and hang onto it as hard as possible. Looks like I will never get hired on the outside. No stealing, no lying, no drugs, and Baileys only once a year from Christmas to New Years - wait! maybe that is finally my one good thing to get a job? Bailey drinker? Occasionally - How often? Once a year - Duration? a week - Amount? a small glass every two to three days - is that enough? Can I get hired?

Oh, and I am so surprised when I see people opening packages of food and eating/drinking before paying for them. I just don't think something is mine until I actually hand over the funds for it.

 

[Marg's Man]

This caused me to be ROTFLMAO but for different reasons. Here in Sydney Australia Lowes is a major men's wear store but I know it's a hardware chain in the US.

Having said that - Do you REALLY want a crack head in a shop full of heavy hammers, axes, chainsaws and the like?

Seriously I like Donna723's thought that it's easier to

fire them for lying on their application - a lot easier than firing someone for using drugs

Marg's Man

 

[WhymeMom?]

My thinking is if someone is using drugs outside of the workplace and gets caught there then they can let someone go for lying on the application without proving they used drugs in the workplace....... unless they stated they used drugs, but then why would they hire that person in the first place?????????