The best laid plans

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So we have a family friend I was going to have easy child/difficult child dtr stay with this weekend so she could get away from the drama of difficult child.last night she had a rough time talking and texting her dad, I was concerned about the contents of her texts and his texts so I read her texts. The family she was going to stay with has 2 dtrs(11 &13), and an 18 yr old son who had a bedroom completely separate from the house.

    Ther was a text from him indicating they have been having sex. So now there is no way I can let her stay overnight there. She is going to be furious. I am going to get his phone number from her and have a little chat with the boy. If she will not give me his number I will call and have a chat with his mom.....i may do that anyways. Fun times. This will be an interesting weekend.
     
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and strength. Glad you found out before she got over there.
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending more strength, boy you sure do have your hands full at the moment. Big hugs, CM.
     
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ditto. Hugs. DDD
     
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    oh boy. How old is she? Wonder if that is what is contributing to the cutting. One difficult child at a time. Hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for your son goes off without a hitch so you can concentrate on your daughter. Not fair.... So sorry for you.
     
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh no, how many years separate them? This boy could be in huge life long trouble over this. I am not really for registry of a teen who has sex with a peer (unless of course it is forced/pressured/etc. But if there is a large age gap and she is being taken advantage of there has to be some consequences. I had this happen to me as a young child. I was under second grade because they moved then. The neighbor was much older and it was not sex but it was fondling and I felt guilty for a long time. I told him no many many times and he would always tell me he would tell on me and my parents would make me go to bed really early which was my huge fear because I went to bed earlier than anyone in my neighborhood. Sounds silly as a grown up and I have no guilt or anything now....it was all him. But I think that it is a good point that the cuttng could be related. Either because of her doing something she really doesn't want to or because she does want to but feels guilty for it, or??? Poor girl.
    You really are fighting huge battles lately. Sending you bucket loads of love and support. So glad she has you to protect her.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh lordy. Not another thing on your plate.
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh GEEZ...wow.
    Yea - what the boy is doing is illegal - so some authority figure better be brought into this loop! Boy - you need a xanax dispensary right above your desk today!!!
    SOOooo sorry.........
     
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Yep, illegal. I'd talk to mom and the 18 year old.
     
  10. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    Oh my gosh. How awful. Glad you found out--I know it's already been going on but you can keep it from happening again. Definatley talk to the Mom. And ditto everyone... Hugs, and you are sure having to deal with a lot lately.
     
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am not going to be popular for this, but I am not contacting the authorities or his mom. I did however, call and put the fear of gods into him while easy child/difficult child listened.

    She told therapist and I that it only happened once over the summer. Do I believe it? I don't know, I don't know what to believe anymore. The agreement between therapist, easy child/difficult child and i is that she goes over this weekend (he won't be home anyways come to find out) and if it happens again? I will speak to his mom and call the police. she does not seem upset by this at all, and really? She had been more open and honest than I ever was with my own mom.

    we have an appointment tomorrow at planned parenthood for some testing and for birth control. She wants the implants that go in your arm and last for 3 years.....fine by me, at least she cannot forget to take a pill.

    Oh and she is 15, boy just turned 18, he could have been 17 when the act occurred. And really? She consented.she maybe 15 but when I was 15 I was doing worse stuff and I knew what I was doing.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well I will be unpopular with you....I dont think that is a big age difference either and he was not an adult (maybe by law but we know he wasn't) and if she was not taken advantage of, or coerced ...???? should he have to live forever registered on a sex offender list and not being able to get a job for doing what most teens these days are doing? I might not like it but I dont think the answer is to register all the older teens for consentually "doing it" with younger teen peers... But now he has been warned and if he makes that choice!!!! different story.

    just re read this.... I maybe would tell the mom though, she has a right to have her son checked out and to add her parenting input. Of course it is your choice, you know all the circumstances....Just thinking as a mom of a boy.
     
  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Buddy, the mom would not keep it quiet and it would destroy her friendship with the daughters. Trust me, the boy had been warned and easy child/ difficult child heard the conversation. And of it happens again? They will both regret it.


    I am at planned parenthood now getting her on birth control. She wants the implants that go in your arm and last for 3 years......thank god. She will be 18 by then.
     
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    gottcha, I figured there were circumstances beyond the obvious. Yeah, so not worth that hassle. I love that you thought of the planned parenthood and she chose the long term one...that must be a relief.

    This whole thingis a huge concern of mine because with such an impulsive kid and one who can be talked into ANYTHING I do worry something could happen. I know he is supervised 24/7 now but what if someone drops the ball, like if he happens to go to a dance at school and and Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker wants to give him a little independence? What can you do for boys (Legally, tee hee) to keep them from making babies. I dont think they do sterilization procedures anymore for daughter kids, and I understand why (I met a woman wrongly diagnosed as MR and her mom had her sterilized and now she is married but can't have kids. She is a foster mom and adopts) but no way my son can ever ever be a Daddy. Whole different situation from yours, I know....just what made me think about it.
     
  15. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    We met the family at a local haunted house last night , and the boy was driving (mom hates to drive). He was on the phone leaning putt the driver side window while I chatted with mom. When the drive off, he looked in the mirror at me and I have him the look of death. I think my point has been made. I am stunk nervous about having her there, but difficult child would have driven her nuts last night. Maybe this will give me some quality time with difficult child also.
     
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sure hope so. i know the feeling of having to make a yucky choice or a yuckier choice. Not easy. Let us know how things go....Enjoy your time as much as possible!
     
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