everywoman
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the support. I'm still to raw to even post much. I'm trying to get through the week and make it until the weekend. That's all I can manage right now.
The bottom dropped...
- Thread starter everywoman
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N
Nomad
Guest
Huge lock on easy child's door immediately. Make sure you have the ability to get inside if necessary. Don't abuse the privlege. You might even consider checking on her periodically all during the night.
Therapy for easy child...if that has not already been addressed.
Very seriously consider alternative living arrangements for difficult child. Have a departure date in mind...and perhaps it should be asap.
If he goes to therapy and shows clear cut signs of improvement, perhaps after a period of time, you would consider having him back at your house. I would make sure there was physical and emotional space and time that would allow for peace/calm and healing.
Bottom line...I would separate the two the of them and not allow them to live in the same home for a long period of time, perhaps permanenty.
Therapy for easy child...if that has not already been addressed.
Very seriously consider alternative living arrangements for difficult child. Have a departure date in mind...and perhaps it should be asap.
If he goes to therapy and shows clear cut signs of improvement, perhaps after a period of time, you would consider having him back at your house. I would make sure there was physical and emotional space and time that would allow for peace/calm and healing.
Bottom line...I would separate the two the of them and not allow them to live in the same home for a long period of time, perhaps permanenty.
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Abbey
Spork Queen
I watched J nearly destroy my eldest son's life with physical and mental torture. One of the hardest decisions I have ever made was to allow him to go back to biodad. At that point, J was only about 12 or so...too young to kick out and nobody would take him anyway.
As far as the sleep walking - there *might* be some truth in that. My ex used to sleep walk, get his gun and hunt down things he though were in the house. The night he went into my son's room with a gun thinking he was an intruder was the day that I bought one of those lockable cabinets that only I had the key to. He always claimed he never remembered a thing.
Listen to your easy child. I'm not sure a lock on her door would ease her fears. I know this is very hard for you.
Abbey
As far as the sleep walking - there *might* be some truth in that. My ex used to sleep walk, get his gun and hunt down things he though were in the house. The night he went into my son's room with a gun thinking he was an intruder was the day that I bought one of those lockable cabinets that only I had the key to. He always claimed he never remembered a thing.
Listen to your easy child. I'm not sure a lock on her door would ease her fears. I know this is very hard for you.
Abbey
Marguerite
Active Member
I'm so sorry this has happened and it really does put you in a difficult position. If he's telling the truth and you disbelieve him, it means an underluing problem goes unidentified and in the future others will be at risk. if you believe him, the same thing can happen.
What I suggest (which you're probably already doing) -
1) Get easy child somewhere safe. Also take steps to keep others safe from difficult child's 'sleepwalking'. If tat means keeping everyone else safe at home while difficult child is moved out - so be it. But whil he is at home, it's easier for you to monitor him. If you keep him at home, instal motion detector infra-red cameras to record any nocturnal excursions.
2) Take steps to assess the danger from difficult child. If he is sleepwalking in this way then a sleep disorder clinic needs to do a sleep study on him. He needs to be wired up for eeg while he sleeps, so his brain wave activity can be monitored while he sleeps. He needn't be attacking anyone in his sleep for the disorder that would cause this, to show up.
Failure for anything to ashow up doesn't mean he was lying, but it does weaken his case.
3) If a sleep disorder is diagnosed, then it can be at least known and hopefully treated. This should work to keep people safe iin the future. It could also mend relationship orlbmes that can be caused by his attack/behaviour, if he IS telling the truth. And if he was lying - it calls his bluff and again, lays cards on the table. You know where you stand.
difficult child should not be distressed by any steps taken to get him assessed for sleep disorders, not if he is genuine. ONly if he was making it up, would he object to this. easy child should also welcome this because again, it will clrify what happened and if she believes he was really attacking her knowingly, then it will validate HER.
Hugs from Down Under for this. Not pretty.
Marg
What I suggest (which you're probably already doing) -
1) Get easy child somewhere safe. Also take steps to keep others safe from difficult child's 'sleepwalking'. If tat means keeping everyone else safe at home while difficult child is moved out - so be it. But whil he is at home, it's easier for you to monitor him. If you keep him at home, instal motion detector infra-red cameras to record any nocturnal excursions.
2) Take steps to assess the danger from difficult child. If he is sleepwalking in this way then a sleep disorder clinic needs to do a sleep study on him. He needs to be wired up for eeg while he sleeps, so his brain wave activity can be monitored while he sleeps. He needn't be attacking anyone in his sleep for the disorder that would cause this, to show up.
Failure for anything to ashow up doesn't mean he was lying, but it does weaken his case.
3) If a sleep disorder is diagnosed, then it can be at least known and hopefully treated. This should work to keep people safe iin the future. It could also mend relationship orlbmes that can be caused by his attack/behaviour, if he IS telling the truth. And if he was lying - it calls his bluff and again, lays cards on the table. You know where you stand.
difficult child should not be distressed by any steps taken to get him assessed for sleep disorders, not if he is genuine. ONly if he was making it up, would he object to this. easy child should also welcome this because again, it will clrify what happened and if she believes he was really attacking her knowingly, then it will validate HER.
Hugs from Down Under for this. Not pretty.
Marg
svengandhi
Well-Known Member
From the time I was 12 until I was 19 and moved out of the house, I had a lock on my bedroom door to protect me from my younger sister. It was a chain lock on the inside that I could keep closed. I also had a deadbolt outside my door so that she could not get into my room when I was not in it. When she was particularly bad I would also put a chain with a combination lock on my inside door. I had a separate phone line as well since there were no cell phones in the '70's. I also kept a very large kitchen knife on the night stand on the opposite side of where my sister would be if she ever got into my room.
Needless to say, my sister and I have NO relationship at this point in time and never will. She does not even know the names or birthdates of my children. I have not seen her since 1994 and do not care if I ever do so again.
Should my parents have put her out of the house? Maybe but she was only 10 when it started. I did spend a lot of time at my grandma's, especially when I had tests or important things in school but my schizophrenic aunt lived with my grandma and although she was alot calmer than my sister, she didn't like her routines being broken.
How old is your easy child? How viable are the threats? Can you give her a panic button in addition to a lock on her room?
Good luck.
Needless to say, my sister and I have NO relationship at this point in time and never will. She does not even know the names or birthdates of my children. I have not seen her since 1994 and do not care if I ever do so again.
Should my parents have put her out of the house? Maybe but she was only 10 when it started. I did spend a lot of time at my grandma's, especially when I had tests or important things in school but my schizophrenic aunt lived with my grandma and although she was alot calmer than my sister, she didn't like her routines being broken.
How old is your easy child? How viable are the threats? Can you give her a panic button in addition to a lock on her room?
Good luck.
