The boy who cries wolf.

[Childofmine]

You love him. That's why. You love him, and he is your son, no matter what.

We all understand that here. We are the same way. That is why this is so damn hard. If we didn't love them, it would be easier. That's why we can see other people's stuff but we can't see our own stuff.

Only we know the whole back story.

BG, we know you know. You know you know. Now, to live it more. That's the challenge. To translate what you know to how you act. I don't know if the feelings change so much. Maybe some. But don't expect the feelings to change.

That's the task: feeling one way and doing something else.

It is the hardest work there is, when it comes to our kids.

Don't beat yourself up. Just make small steps. Just do one thing different. When I was in the depths of it all, someone told me: Just do one thing different today.

That was truly all I could do. I was barely functioning.

BG, feel those feelings. Sit and sob. Scream. Rage. Moan. I swear, there is more peace after you do this and realize it won't kill you to really, truly let the feelings take over. There is relief on the other side. And healing. And then you can pick yourself up, and do one thing different today.

Is it write a gratitude list? Is it read the detachment post twice? Is it write in a journal for five minutes, just dump out your mind and heart there? Is it take a walk? Is it make an appointment for therapy?

What is the one thing different you can do today?

BG, we are here with you. Please know that. You don't have to apologize for anything. We so understand. This battle has got to be tougher than a real war, with guns blazing and being in a foxhole. This battle goes on unrelenting for YEARS and YEARS. There is no leave, no tour back stateside. We don't get time off. We are still their parents.

 

[AppleCori]

BG--

Did your son get into the rehab program?

It is so sad, but we just have no power to help our drug/alcohol addicted adult kids unless they want that help.

I hope that the young man that got your son's bus ticket is on his way to a better life for himself. Maybe your son did a good thing. Maybe that is the silver lining here, today.

Please keep posting. I know how stressful it is.

AC

 

[blackgnat]

No, AC, he didn't do anything yet. He just called, out of detox and headed for Mental Health Partners to try and get medications, then go down to Denver Rescue Mission and he has also signed up for the Salvation Army program. Don't know if and when he'll get in.

He was very tense when I spoke to him ( he was with exgfs ma) and said that if they didn't give him medications, then he would go to the ER. And he didn't want to be reminded of all the times he'd messed up. He was doing the usual blaming and self-flagellation, so I kept saying, "You chose this, so you can figure out how to do it differently next time".

He said that if he WAS going to go through with killing himself, then he would call me to say goodbye.I said he had to go to the ER if that was the case, because that was not his only alternative. He said if he had to live on the street he'd just drink. I told him to go to AA and he's like, "Then what? I just go back to dad's bus?" "Yes, that IS what you have to do. But YOU are the one living this, so you have to decide".

Sigh.

 

[blackgnat]

Thanks for your thoughtful post, COM. I DO practice gratitude, but sometimes it seems a little hollow when the sadness is looming so large.

Know what I mean?

But I DO have a lot to be grateful for. I'll try harder.