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The calm after the storm...feels kind of blah
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608014" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh Cedar, your post is so poignant...............I was just sitting here at work at my desk surveying the last two years of my own life..........and then your post comes in and you are describing so much devastation it brought me back for a moment to those times................and those raw feelings of horror, sorrow, guilt, fear...................yes, it is PTSD...............our own special version of that, perhaps worse then war because our own hearts are involved, we are not witnessing the demise of strangers or comrades but our offspring..............caught in their own war, one we have no power to remove them from.</p><p></p><p>Then the emptiness, the void, the absence of trauma and drama.............we need a lot of rest. No one can go through that kind of desperation and when the dust settles, go out singing show tunes..........rest is imperative. DEEP rest.</p><p></p><p>These musings of ours, these points along the way are helping me see the process we are in more clearly, this detachment/acceptance learning curve.</p><p></p><p>It reminds me of many teachings about the 'dark night of the soul' the spiritual awakening process I've read so much about and have seen myself engaged in. There are stages of that as well. The breakdown, (the first step).........the blowing up of the life as we knew it. ...............Then the retreat...........going deep into oneself to arrange the pieces of our lives in a different manner, (the second step)............Then, the return to life......... coming back with an altered view, a new internal system of beliefs....................(the third step). I attended a lecture many years ago about this process or passage..............the lecturer mentioned that coming back from this journey (the return) was the most vulnerable time, where you seem to be right now, because the pull of the old is still present as we attempt to live a different way...............good to know. So, we need to be diligent, to not succumb to guilt, shame, blame..................don't let those old feelings take root...........throw them out before they alter your thoughts...............(I practice this A LOT!)</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and put energy into your new, developing life.................it deserves your attention now. As our difficult child's deserved our attention, now we have to give that to ourselves. </p><p></p><p>I feel as if I have made it over the edge of a mountain range I have just hiked through. It's taken awhile. What an arduous journey.</p><p>My camp is a tad further down the mountain Cedar, you've just emerged out of the dark forest, thick, tangled and filled with scary stuff. Stop awhile and rest, really rest, <em>I mean like you never rested before.</em> From the inside out. Take naps. Be in nature. I've taken a lot of hikes. There's one in particular, around a lake, there is something about this place which I find very soothing, I feel nourished when I'm there................ I feel as if I have to shift every part of me, my cells, my organs, my muscles, my brain, my thinking, all of it. I get a lot of nurturing care, it just feels as if I have to fill myself up with self care, replenish all that was mangled in the dark drama of my family and their needs.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I think this is actually beyond our kids and their difficult child status. I think it includes and perhaps is rooted in our own age group of women raised to believe our worth depended upon our care-giving skill. That is a deep belief very difficult to shift since we were more or less born into it. I'm not saying all women have this, but many our age do and climbing out of that, to have a healthy self concept with strong boundaries and self love is a MONUMENTAL win. </p><p></p><p>Imagine what you and husband's life could be if you put the same energy, time, love, passion, drive, focus and determination into YOUR lives that you put into your kids lives..................holy #$%@!!! </p><p></p><p>My granddaughter and I now have a little joke. It started on my birthday when SO said we would celebrate for one whole week. Every time she would ask me for something, (which is a lot, she is after all a teenage girl, there is no end to the requests)............I would say, "now wait a minute, remember, <em>it's all about <strong>ME</strong> now."</em> I've been saying that a lot lately. It feels good to say it. <em>It's all about me now. </em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608014, member: 13542"] Oh Cedar, your post is so poignant...............I was just sitting here at work at my desk surveying the last two years of my own life..........and then your post comes in and you are describing so much devastation it brought me back for a moment to those times................and those raw feelings of horror, sorrow, guilt, fear...................yes, it is PTSD...............our own special version of that, perhaps worse then war because our own hearts are involved, we are not witnessing the demise of strangers or comrades but our offspring..............caught in their own war, one we have no power to remove them from. Then the emptiness, the void, the absence of trauma and drama.............we need a lot of rest. No one can go through that kind of desperation and when the dust settles, go out singing show tunes..........rest is imperative. DEEP rest. These musings of ours, these points along the way are helping me see the process we are in more clearly, this detachment/acceptance learning curve. It reminds me of many teachings about the 'dark night of the soul' the spiritual awakening process I've read so much about and have seen myself engaged in. There are stages of that as well. The breakdown, (the first step).........the blowing up of the life as we knew it. ...............Then the retreat...........going deep into oneself to arrange the pieces of our lives in a different manner, (the second step)............Then, the return to life......... coming back with an altered view, a new internal system of beliefs....................(the third step). I attended a lecture many years ago about this process or passage..............the lecturer mentioned that coming back from this journey (the return) was the most vulnerable time, where you seem to be right now, because the pull of the old is still present as we attempt to live a different way...............good to know. So, we need to be diligent, to not succumb to guilt, shame, blame..................don't let those old feelings take root...........throw them out before they alter your thoughts...............(I practice this A LOT!) Hang in there and put energy into your new, developing life.................it deserves your attention now. As our difficult child's deserved our attention, now we have to give that to ourselves. I feel as if I have made it over the edge of a mountain range I have just hiked through. It's taken awhile. What an arduous journey. My camp is a tad further down the mountain Cedar, you've just emerged out of the dark forest, thick, tangled and filled with scary stuff. Stop awhile and rest, really rest, [I]I mean like you never rested before.[/I] From the inside out. Take naps. Be in nature. I've taken a lot of hikes. There's one in particular, around a lake, there is something about this place which I find very soothing, I feel nourished when I'm there................ I feel as if I have to shift every part of me, my cells, my organs, my muscles, my brain, my thinking, all of it. I get a lot of nurturing care, it just feels as if I have to fill myself up with self care, replenish all that was mangled in the dark drama of my family and their needs. Cedar, I think this is actually beyond our kids and their difficult child status. I think it includes and perhaps is rooted in our own age group of women raised to believe our worth depended upon our care-giving skill. That is a deep belief very difficult to shift since we were more or less born into it. I'm not saying all women have this, but many our age do and climbing out of that, to have a healthy self concept with strong boundaries and self love is a MONUMENTAL win. Imagine what you and husband's life could be if you put the same energy, time, love, passion, drive, focus and determination into YOUR lives that you put into your kids lives..................holy #$%@!!! My granddaughter and I now have a little joke. It started on my birthday when SO said we would celebrate for one whole week. Every time she would ask me for something, (which is a lot, she is after all a teenage girl, there is no end to the requests)............I would say, "now wait a minute, remember, [I]it's all about [B]ME[/B] now."[/I] I've been saying that a lot lately. It feels good to say it. [I]It's all about me now. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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The calm after the storm...feels kind of blah
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