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The Calm Before the Storm
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 380525" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Nothing kills quiet time like the smell of reality in the air.</p><p> </p><p>FWIW my son was a very convincing liar/actor at a very young age. He would emphatically deny things to the point of hysterics and us feeling guilty only to find out he was full of it afterall. In his case it is 50% percieving things from his side, one side of the story and 50% being somewhat pathalogical and having convinced himself it was turth.</p><p> </p><p>It sounds like you are doing a lot of ducking, dodging and sweet talking your difficult child out of his moods. Different things work for different kids/diagnosis and he is a tender young age. In my case being too nice sometimes set me up for getting played and manipulated by my difficult child. There is such a fine line between advocating for and defending a difficult child or letting them get away with stuff because we are confused and tired or even worse feel guilty.</p><p> </p><p>There isn't much you can accomplish without some sort of baseline diagnosis. I was very accurate at guessing my difficult child's issues to a degree. There was also a lot more lurking beneath the surface that I needed the neuropsychologist to unravel. It isn't just about getting a "label" because that in and of itself accomplishes very little. It's about having a clear path to follow, distinct steps and strategies to take and a place to start from. In our case, aside from actual diagnosis we discovered some learning disabilities. My son is a very bright boy and can get good grades but something just wans't clicking. I struggled for 3 years over the possibility that he was either 1. Smart but lazy and needed a real rear kicking -or- 2. Had legitimate learning troubles. I didn't want to get angry over things he really struggled with but on the other hand didn't want to let him get away with a lack of effort either because he was already a "problem" and a manipulator. Since learning has very little to do with his actual mood disorder it was easily overlooked...just that morsel of info. set the stage for a lot of progress and piece of mind on my part.</p><p> </p><p>I knew there was "something" going on since he was very very young, younger than your difficult child in fact. I spent several years back and forth with his school asking for help, testing and misc. We made tons of appointments here and there over the years looking for answers. They ruled out adhd and sent us packing as if he were fine. Took almost a decade for a professional to determine what I had seen all along. It took him getting worse and then getting that neuropsychologist. Knowing what I know now I would have taken on extra jobs and eaten ramen for as long as it took to pay for one. I never knew there was such thing as a neuropsychologist, no one ever thought to steer me in that direction. </p><p> </p><p>Makes me wonder how much better off he would be if we had answers at 6 instead of almost 16.</p><p> </p><p>by the way a diagnosis will help set the stage to get help from the school so you don't have to do this alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 380525, member: 8617"] Nothing kills quiet time like the smell of reality in the air. FWIW my son was a very convincing liar/actor at a very young age. He would emphatically deny things to the point of hysterics and us feeling guilty only to find out he was full of it afterall. In his case it is 50% percieving things from his side, one side of the story and 50% being somewhat pathalogical and having convinced himself it was turth. It sounds like you are doing a lot of ducking, dodging and sweet talking your difficult child out of his moods. Different things work for different kids/diagnosis and he is a tender young age. In my case being too nice sometimes set me up for getting played and manipulated by my difficult child. There is such a fine line between advocating for and defending a difficult child or letting them get away with stuff because we are confused and tired or even worse feel guilty. There isn't much you can accomplish without some sort of baseline diagnosis. I was very accurate at guessing my difficult child's issues to a degree. There was also a lot more lurking beneath the surface that I needed the neuropsychologist to unravel. It isn't just about getting a "label" because that in and of itself accomplishes very little. It's about having a clear path to follow, distinct steps and strategies to take and a place to start from. In our case, aside from actual diagnosis we discovered some learning disabilities. My son is a very bright boy and can get good grades but something just wans't clicking. I struggled for 3 years over the possibility that he was either 1. Smart but lazy and needed a real rear kicking -or- 2. Had legitimate learning troubles. I didn't want to get angry over things he really struggled with but on the other hand didn't want to let him get away with a lack of effort either because he was already a "problem" and a manipulator. Since learning has very little to do with his actual mood disorder it was easily overlooked...just that morsel of info. set the stage for a lot of progress and piece of mind on my part. I knew there was "something" going on since he was very very young, younger than your difficult child in fact. I spent several years back and forth with his school asking for help, testing and misc. We made tons of appointments here and there over the years looking for answers. They ruled out adhd and sent us packing as if he were fine. Took almost a decade for a professional to determine what I had seen all along. It took him getting worse and then getting that neuropsychologist. Knowing what I know now I would have taken on extra jobs and eaten ramen for as long as it took to pay for one. I never knew there was such thing as a neuropsychologist, no one ever thought to steer me in that direction. Makes me wonder how much better off he would be if we had answers at 6 instead of almost 16. by the way a diagnosis will help set the stage to get help from the school so you don't have to do this alone. [/QUOTE]
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