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The coming Thanksgiving crisis--home from college
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 391592" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p></p><p>I also want to add..........at this point, you can't ruin his life. He is an adult (doesn't matter if he is or isn't acting like one). Only he can ruin his life at this point, and sounds like he has his feet on the wrong path at the moment.</p><p></p><p>It stinks no matter which way you look at it. </p><p></p><p>He is very lucky to have a wonderful caring Dad. Too bad that at the moment he's taking you and the family for granted.</p><p></p><p>You could keep him in school and shell out all that money. But you can't force him to attend classes or get passing grades. And if he doesn't.......all that money goes right down the drain. So then you're out all the cash, but he is not in a better position, nor has he learned anything.</p><p></p><p>You can attempt to get him into some sort of treatment program, both for the drugs and the depression. But only he can decide to go. Only he can decide if he is ready and wants to work the program. If he doesn't.........again it is a wasted effort.</p><p></p><p>Our first instinct with our kids is to rescue them. It's a good instinct much of the time, but not all of the time, especially when concerning grown kids. Natural consequences of their actions teach valuable life lessons even when it is very painful for us to sit by and watch the events unfold. Rescueing grown kids tends to teach them nothing and they resume their behavior assuming they will be rescued again in the future. They usually don't see their behavior as being a problem because to them it isn't a problem. At least until having to face the consequences of their actions starts taking it's toll. </p><p></p><p>I used to daydream at how easy my life would be once my kids were all grown. Yeah, that didn't happen. lol <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 391592, member: 84"] Welcome to the board :happy: I also want to add..........at this point, you can't ruin his life. He is an adult (doesn't matter if he is or isn't acting like one). Only he can ruin his life at this point, and sounds like he has his feet on the wrong path at the moment. It stinks no matter which way you look at it. He is very lucky to have a wonderful caring Dad. Too bad that at the moment he's taking you and the family for granted. You could keep him in school and shell out all that money. But you can't force him to attend classes or get passing grades. And if he doesn't.......all that money goes right down the drain. So then you're out all the cash, but he is not in a better position, nor has he learned anything. You can attempt to get him into some sort of treatment program, both for the drugs and the depression. But only he can decide to go. Only he can decide if he is ready and wants to work the program. If he doesn't.........again it is a wasted effort. Our first instinct with our kids is to rescue them. It's a good instinct much of the time, but not all of the time, especially when concerning grown kids. Natural consequences of their actions teach valuable life lessons even when it is very painful for us to sit by and watch the events unfold. Rescueing grown kids tends to teach them nothing and they resume their behavior assuming they will be rescued again in the future. They usually don't see their behavior as being a problem because to them it isn't a problem. At least until having to face the consequences of their actions starts taking it's toll. I used to daydream at how easy my life would be once my kids were all grown. Yeah, that didn't happen. lol :raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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The coming Thanksgiving crisis--home from college
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