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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 294749" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There seems to be a link between something being forbidden and her wanting to hoard it. I'm thinking you may need to change your strategy from forbidding something, to making her clean up (standing over her if necessary). She needs to understand WHY the rules are there, not just for her to kick against by hoarding.</p><p></p><p>We have similar problems here. difficult child 3 collects stuff. Right now it's our twice annual council clea up, when people put stuff out on the kerb for collection by the large garbage trucks. The stuff can range from furniture to broken toys etc, and difficult child 3 brings home loads of stuff if we let him. He's getting more discerning. I also can sometimes bring home stuff - husband wanted a small terracotta pot and a cracked one was being thrown out as I walked home yesterday so I asked if I could have it, and they gave it to me.</p><p></p><p>But difficult child 3 will collect other stuff too. PLus he eats food and leaves the wrappers anywhere. He collects the paddlepop sticks from ice creams he's eaten. Or leaves them wherever. I go to the fridge to get a slice of cheese and find the packet is empty. The cheese comes in a clear plastic case with sealed plastic bags inside. There are two packs per each case, but I often find four or five empty plastic bags in the case, often underneath another pack of cheese! Empty boxes in the freezer... it goes on. Sticks, stones, electronic parts. At the moment it's computers. He found a couple in the clean-up pile, brought them home. To his credit he didn't take much convincing that those computers, although working, were too slow and old to work proplery on the Internet and his computers (he currently has two working computers!) are both faster than the dinosaurs he had liberated. So he agreed to put at least one of them out in the rubbish (it then disappeared less than half an hour later - it was not difficult child 3).</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3, when I find his trash and his empty packets, I call him to clean it up. Even if I'm standing next to the recycling bin and difficult child 3 is at the other end of the house - I call him to deal with his rubbish. </p><p></p><p>Ages ago I tried banning stuff. It didn't work. Instead we had to find a location. So sticks & stones brought home - they must be kept outside. If the stone is an interesting geological specimen (as agreed by the family) then it can go in the display cabinet. Toys (the freebies you get in packets of stuff) have to be collected together in an old ice cream bucket or similar.</p><p></p><p>Our house is still messy, but it's a work in progress. So is difficult child 3. At least his hoarding is right where we can see it and try to help HIM learn some control. Judging by the lack of stuff (comparatively) thta he brought home thisclean-up, I think we're finally winning.</p><p></p><p>With your difficult child - if you find wrappers, you find gum - make her come and clean it up. Better still, do random inspections with her, and hand her the cleaning rags and the rubbish bag. If she doesn't want to throw something out, ask her what it is about that thing that she wants to keep. Why is it? She needs to know the answers herself, not just tell you what she thinks you want to hear.</p><p></p><p>The aim of the exercise is longer-term than just you having a rtidy house. The ultimate aim is for her to be functional later in life. She needs to begin preparing for this now, by her finding out and understanding in herself why she does this, so she can learn to manage her own hoarding tendencies.</p><p></p><p>otherwiseshe will end up as one of those sad cases we see on TV, where they bring in the TV cameras at the same time as the pest control people and the health inspectors.</p><p></p><p>It's very hard to hoard when you're a bag lady on the streets, you can tell her. Best to learn how to manage herself now, while she has a roof over her head under which to hoard.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 294749, member: 1991"] There seems to be a link between something being forbidden and her wanting to hoard it. I'm thinking you may need to change your strategy from forbidding something, to making her clean up (standing over her if necessary). She needs to understand WHY the rules are there, not just for her to kick against by hoarding. We have similar problems here. difficult child 3 collects stuff. Right now it's our twice annual council clea up, when people put stuff out on the kerb for collection by the large garbage trucks. The stuff can range from furniture to broken toys etc, and difficult child 3 brings home loads of stuff if we let him. He's getting more discerning. I also can sometimes bring home stuff - husband wanted a small terracotta pot and a cracked one was being thrown out as I walked home yesterday so I asked if I could have it, and they gave it to me. But difficult child 3 will collect other stuff too. PLus he eats food and leaves the wrappers anywhere. He collects the paddlepop sticks from ice creams he's eaten. Or leaves them wherever. I go to the fridge to get a slice of cheese and find the packet is empty. The cheese comes in a clear plastic case with sealed plastic bags inside. There are two packs per each case, but I often find four or five empty plastic bags in the case, often underneath another pack of cheese! Empty boxes in the freezer... it goes on. Sticks, stones, electronic parts. At the moment it's computers. He found a couple in the clean-up pile, brought them home. To his credit he didn't take much convincing that those computers, although working, were too slow and old to work proplery on the Internet and his computers (he currently has two working computers!) are both faster than the dinosaurs he had liberated. So he agreed to put at least one of them out in the rubbish (it then disappeared less than half an hour later - it was not difficult child 3). With difficult child 3, when I find his trash and his empty packets, I call him to clean it up. Even if I'm standing next to the recycling bin and difficult child 3 is at the other end of the house - I call him to deal with his rubbish. Ages ago I tried banning stuff. It didn't work. Instead we had to find a location. So sticks & stones brought home - they must be kept outside. If the stone is an interesting geological specimen (as agreed by the family) then it can go in the display cabinet. Toys (the freebies you get in packets of stuff) have to be collected together in an old ice cream bucket or similar. Our house is still messy, but it's a work in progress. So is difficult child 3. At least his hoarding is right where we can see it and try to help HIM learn some control. Judging by the lack of stuff (comparatively) thta he brought home thisclean-up, I think we're finally winning. With your difficult child - if you find wrappers, you find gum - make her come and clean it up. Better still, do random inspections with her, and hand her the cleaning rags and the rubbish bag. If she doesn't want to throw something out, ask her what it is about that thing that she wants to keep. Why is it? She needs to know the answers herself, not just tell you what she thinks you want to hear. The aim of the exercise is longer-term than just you having a rtidy house. The ultimate aim is for her to be functional later in life. She needs to begin preparing for this now, by her finding out and understanding in herself why she does this, so she can learn to manage her own hoarding tendencies. otherwiseshe will end up as one of those sad cases we see on TV, where they bring in the TV cameras at the same time as the pest control people and the health inspectors. It's very hard to hoard when you're a bag lady on the streets, you can tell her. Best to learn how to manage herself now, while she has a roof over her head under which to hoard. Marg [/QUOTE]
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