The Cougar and the cub...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by lovemysons, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    LOL, no I'm not talking about a new reality TV show...I'm refering to my 21 year old son and his now 32 year old girlfriend.

    Truth be told...I don't trust her. It's like she's smiling on the outside while cursing your name on the inside...that's how it feels.

    She doesn't seem to want a relationship with me, least not like difficult child's girlfriends in the past. My mom thinks it is that she doesn't NEED to warm up to me. She is the one on the apt lease they have together...she is even paying for oldest difficult child to go to college. My mom also thinks she is "competition" for me.

    So far...I don't see any huge red flags as far as the relationship between difficult child and her being what one might call destructive. I do think there is some codependency involved though.

    easy child thinks she's very shallow and that the relationship will not last much longer. I disagree with second part and think it's probibly going to drag on, mostly because she gave up so much from her ex husband, monetarily speaking, in order to be with difficult child. And...difficult child is a felon, he couldn't even be on the lease and live in anything decent. Plus, she is sophisticated, worldy, and I think difficult child looks up to her in a way that he didn't with his soon to be ex wife. Yep, as far as I know they are both still married to other people...don't know when they're divorces will get finalized.

    Guess I'm just sharing my thoughts with yall and the latest, fact that they're still together.
    And...the fact that I just don't Trust Her, can't pinpoint exactly what it is...hmm.

    Tammy
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Is this the Psychologist? Or Therapist or something?
    You have had your doubts for some time, since he started dating her right?

    Well I would just keep that Mom radar on the look out! At least until she proves she is OK in your heart.
    My mother in law took a long time trusting me, and still has her doubts.
    I am OK with this because I am nothing like someone she imagined her son ending up with.
    But now after 10 years... she can let it go!
    Cougar reminds of the SNL sketch!
     
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hey T - whasssss uppppppppp?

    You know this reminds me of a Christmas Present. I love cookbooks. A very dear friend from the board sent me one for Christmas. Actually it was one of many - but on the cover - it says

    COUGAR CUISINE

    I nearly fell on the floor laughing - then realized she had ordered a copy of her sons gradeschool cook book fundraiser for me.......OMG we still laugh about that one -

    DF does most of the cooking and every now and then he'll pick up that cookbook and say sheepishly - "Are you going prowling Momma? Should I cook something up from this book?"

    yeah - love the cougar thing - (thanks Abbs for telling me what it was) lol
     
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Totoro,
    Yep, My mother in law and I had our differences too. I wasn't what she imagined for her son either. I think she wanted someone much more driven/ambitious...not the family/home oriented type like myself.

    Hmm...She's just, well's she's just snooty, ya know, superior in her behavior. I hate to badmouth, there's just something about her. And Oh ya, this one is the one who has the psychology degree...though she is not using it, unless you count her relationship with difficult child, lol.

    Star...LOL about the "Cougar Cuisine". You and DF sound like you have alot of fun together, cool.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Trust your instincts. As long as older difficult child is relatively happy, and is being a productive person, well, not much you can do. I would keep my guard up though, because it sure seems like they jumped into it very quickly. Also, didn't she cheat on her husband with your difficult child? Then she is VERY highly likely to cheat on your son. This not only has emotional risks (esp for a volitle difficult child in the mix!) but it also carries real physical danger.

    The risk of STDs when a person cheats on their spouse is very high. If you can at all talk to difficult child in a calm time, you might suggest that he have an STD panel run when he gets a physical or can get in to a doctor. Because teh chances he was teh first one she cheated with are low, and it greatly increases the risks to him.

    Also, if he suspects her of cheating then he should go and get tested ASAP. Because it is LIFE that could be in danger. Also his ability to become a father can be jeopardized if he has an STD that goes untreated for any length of time (and most STDs have few if any symptoms in males anymore).

    I know it will be a tricky thing to bring up. You don't want to imply she is cheating. She may not be at this time. heck, she might never cheat. But implying it to your son will severely alienate him, so be careful and cautious if you discuss this.

    I am sorry you have this to worry about also. hopefully older difficult child is happy and things go very smoothly and she can prove in some way that she truly cares for your son.
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I agree 100% with Susie* -

    This woman has been NOTHING but a thorn since she joined forces -
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldnt worry much. Older difficult child probably has a mommy complex and needs an older woman to fill the role. Older woman wants..well...we can leave that up to the imagination. Perhaps this woman can finish raising him and you can relax. Let her deal with his problems.
     
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hey Sus, Well there's probibly NO WAY I could discuss the idea that she may have STD's with oldest difficult child. He would likely be more than taken aback.
    He has told me that she has "fertility issues" and would have to take shots in order to get pregnant. As far as I know they don't plan on starting a family anytime soon...I think difficult child is the "baby" in their relationship as it is.

    Janet...You may be right. Maybe she will finish "raising" difficult child for me. She does seem to be a fairly responsible, upright person as far as job, bills, that kind of thing.

    Guess I'll just take a back seat and see how things turn out.
    by the way Janet or others ...Did I do something wrong ya think to cause this "Mommy complex"? Was it something I did in my raising of him? Just curious if you know any inside info on how this comes about...

    Tammy
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I doubt you did anything wrong. I kinda hoped Cory would find a successful older woman...lol. He dated several very nice junior and senior girls in college when he was an 18 year old HS drop out. I didnt see why they were dating him but there is that allure of the "bad boy" for some girls...lol.

    Jamies wife is 3 years and 5 months older than him but you wouldnt know it if you met them...lol.
     
  10. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Wow, I really thought the money would get to her and she'd run back to her husband. Guess they are still caught up in the drama of it all.

    I completely understand you questioning her. I think she's missing a few screws too. lol

    Something just isn't right.

    How can she afford to send him to school and pay for everything? Is he working at all?
    Please tell me her husband isn't dumb enough to continue giving her $$$?:faint:
    What did her husband mean by saving him 80k?

    Steph
     
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I guess you've got to believe "there is a reason", lol. Personally after twenty years I still am amazed that my easy child son and his wife are together. :redface: She
    is not evil.........she is just ??.......well.........about as interesting as a piece of notebook paper! :D DDD
     
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD...isnt being a mother in law grand? LMAO
     
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