The County Offered Us Parenting Classes

[Bunny]

I called the county program that that psychiatric ER gave me the brochure for. They won't accept difficult child into the program yet because I can only give them two definite dates and instances where he has gotten violent since January. They won't allow me to give them dates that happened before January 1. If he gets abusive again I can call back with the new instance of violence, which would give me three, which in turn would allow him to be accepted into the program.

When I called husband to tell him what they told me he said, "So it's okay for him to get violent as long as he spaces the episodes out far enough?"

In the meanwhile, the county has offered husband and me parenting classes to help us raise a successful teen. Ugh!

 

[buddy]

I'd do it because you have easy child coming up and your brain may be fried from difficult child parenting!

Seriously, you could do it just to show on paper how cooperative you are and that sometimes helps with getting services.

And its A NIGHT AWAY from home.

 

[Winnielg]

OMG - So frustrating. I do not understand. Sometimes I feel like they have all of these cockamamie rules in place just to see how many of drop like flies from confusion, frustration or exhaustion!

Re: Parenting classes.....
A few years back difficult child's team (parents, school social worker, private therapist) all decided that after violent behavior once again we would file a PINS - in NYS that is a Person in Need of Supervision - kind of like Probation Lite. where he be be assigned a juvenile probation officer. This was in hopes of relaying to difficult child that his actions have real life consequences. Well the first HUGE issue is that the County, as soon as they heard he had Aspergers, tried to push back and say it was a mental health problem. I calmly informed them that NYS Children's Mental Health (and even gave him a contact) agreed it was a PINS case. Well in the end the only thing they would do after putting us though an intense intake process - where difficult child was not inconvenienced AT ALL, of course - was refer us to mediation - which all in all was pointless. The reason I tell all of this is that if they had approved our case we found out that we would have been mandated to attend something like 30 Parenting Classes.

Suffice it to say I feel like every week with our various care providers and the school are like extended and constant parenting classes. But the funny part is I cannot imagine what KIND of classes they were have? For parents of delinquents? It was almost comical.

 

[AnnieO]

I'm with Buddy, I took them voluntarily when the court ordered them for husband and bio mom. We came across looking awesome... LOL! But it IS also a night off.

 

[Liahona]

Oh I'm bad in parenting classes! The instructors don't know what to do with difficult child 1 anymore than anyone else. "What do you do when he shoves difficult child 2 3-4 feet because he thinks difficult child 2 is turning into a vampire? Or what are your ideas on how to stop him from peeing in the vents?" If they do offer suggestions I tell them we tried that this many times with this kind of variation with this professional helping to implement it. I have yet to get anything new to try, but its a good refresher for what I can do with the pcs.

 

[SuZir]

We did benefit from parenting class/Therapy. While same things don't always work with difficult children that work with pcs, many principles are the same. And at least we were introduced also to spectrum parenting and methods in parenting therapy because our difficult child showed some spectrum falvours. Before that we didn't know much about that at all so it really helped.

Also if you are not always in the same page with husband, it will give you an opportunity to try to talk about parenting (when things are not heated) and plan for future crisis.

And yeah, it looks good in paper and is a night off.

 

[buddy]

Oooo good point. I wonder if husband would at least hear you a little. But then again if it's a parent focus /family systems class, husband could hold you as the one who is with them more so not consistent, firm, whatever.

I'd still go for the break, lol. Guess I'm that desperate for adult interaction.

 

[BusynMember]

Oh, humor them When you are in class, listening to their stuff that doesn't apply to our kids, think of it in a humorous way so that you can at least enjoy the experience and you will look compliant and cooperative to CPS, never a bad thing.

Suz, I am guessing that because you're in Europe, which may have more advance or relevant parenting classes, you were able to get something out of them. The one I had to go to after psychokid was removed from our house, didn't offer any new information. Certainly there was nothing on spectrum or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) parenting.

I hope that this couple WILL get something out of it. There is always SOMETHING to be gained from every lesson, even if it's minor.

 

[Wiped Out]

Ugh about him not be eligible because he has only been violent 2x since January. Things like that frustrate me!!

 

[tammybackagain]

have to jump in, Just started taking a parenting class here, I love it. not only do they give suggestions but others in class and going though same thing so we can toss idea's off each other. difficult child 2 is in another class at the time so I have complete break where I don't have to worry about what he's up to.

 

[DammitJanet]

I think we have been to two different types of parenting classes. One was the basic classes for normal kids and then was for high needs kids. We may have gotten to the second class because we graduated from the first class....lol.

I would do the parenting classes just because you never know what you can get out of it. Plus it looks good on paper. Also I think your son has been violent with you much more often that two times since January but you havent reported those times. You need to be documenting every single time he manifests any violence towards anyone even if its just an email to his psychiatrist and therapist. It doesnt have to be something that warrants a call to the police. Start that parent report.

 

[TerryJ2]

Lol, and so true: "When I called husband to tell him what they told me he said, "So it's okay for him to get violent as long as he spaces the episodes out far enough?"

Too funny, Liahona!

The others here have great input; you may as well go for it and use it as an opportunity to meet other parents. Surely, you can't be the only ones who have a high-maintenance kid with-a diagnosis. They are stuck there, too, and it's an instant bonding experience.