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The Watercooler
The dagger of grief
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<blockquote data-quote="HaoZi" data-source="post: 412917"><p>It is hard to watch, and then when it's over, you feel relief. And then you feel guilty for the relief, even though you know their pain is over. I spent so long watching my Mom do it that I took granted that one day it would happen, and when she finally gave up I took it at face value that she was ready to go. I wonder now if I had said "Mom, I need you, don't leave me" if she wouldn't have given up then (I was in my teens) but the thought didn't even occur me until now. I knew she wanted to go be with her mom and dad, I had already graduated high school a year early (for whatever reason she was afraid I wouldn't graduate at all) and I was relieved that it was almost over. And even now, almost 20 years later, I still get blind-sided by the what-ifs, the words I said, the ones I didn't apologize for, the things I wish she could have experienced. It still hurts, even though I know if the timing was different Dad wouldn't have met my wonderful step-mom, either.</p><p></p><p>*HUGS*</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HaoZi, post: 412917"] It is hard to watch, and then when it's over, you feel relief. And then you feel guilty for the relief, even though you know their pain is over. I spent so long watching my Mom do it that I took granted that one day it would happen, and when she finally gave up I took it at face value that she was ready to go. I wonder now if I had said "Mom, I need you, don't leave me" if she wouldn't have given up then (I was in my teens) but the thought didn't even occur me until now. I knew she wanted to go be with her mom and dad, I had already graduated high school a year early (for whatever reason she was afraid I wouldn't graduate at all) and I was relieved that it was almost over. And even now, almost 20 years later, I still get blind-sided by the what-ifs, the words I said, the ones I didn't apologize for, the things I wish she could have experienced. It still hurts, even though I know if the timing was different Dad wouldn't have met my wonderful step-mom, either. *HUGS* [/QUOTE]
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