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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 412951" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Steely, </p><p> </p><p>I can't offer much comfort, but perhaps a distraction if only for a moment. ~ </p><p> </p><p>When our oldest son Kary; age 18 passed eleven years ago, I know none of us were truly ready to say goodbye. We were called to the hospital ICU where we were ushered in and out for three days while doctors and nurses did their best to make choices none of us wanted to make. Finally it was decided that the anyeurism had caused too much damage and life support would be stopped. We were told all the cliche things that I'm sure you are hearing now with your own Father, none of which really make you feel better, but people for some reason either feel the need to say these things to comfort themselves or it's a form of pre-death ettiquite. I'm still not sure. Honestly? I think I would have been happier if the same people would have just said wonderful happy things and left it at that. I begged our Minister at my Fathers wake to NOT say "Oh death where is thy sting." and guess what? It was like the first thing he said. </p><p> </p><p>So at Kari's funeral - we had a Christian service and then we had a Native American service outside in the cemetery with our entire tribe. Women were dressed in ceremonial funeral wear and men sat dressed as well, and beat a drum, and sang/chanted and everyone danced, lit sage - and it was as it should be. Solemn, beautiful, honorable. The weather was lovely, the skies were blue as could be - and I stood there looking up trying not to start crying for myself again, because I had been thinking about how it was watching him lay there in that hospital bed trapped. Kary was such a happy child and he was always on the move free. Then as if on que there in the sky was a hawk - flying East to West. It's a good omen in Native culture. The minute I saw it - the drums stopped, the hawk circled, swooped, and soared high and then away. The Chief said it had come to take Karys spirit. It was a good omen. I had no more tears because I knew where my son had gone he was free. </p><p> </p><p>My fear in worrying about his pain while here on earth just lifted because while I'm of small mind -of this world, I know there are better things and better places once we leave here. So while you are hurting over these next few days for your Father, keep in the back of your mind that when his spirit is gone from the painful body that keeps him here? He'll be free. Maybe that's the joy people speak about that they find from death. I've lost two sons - and when I think about it? That's what makes my heart smile. Knowing that it's not about me and my pain of missing them, but that <em>they</em> won't ever hurt again, and that they are free. When it's our time? We'll see them again. </p><p> </p><p>Stay strong, smile for all the good times you remember. </p><p>Hugs & love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 412951, member: 4964"] Steely, I can't offer much comfort, but perhaps a distraction if only for a moment. ~ When our oldest son Kary; age 18 passed eleven years ago, I know none of us were truly ready to say goodbye. We were called to the hospital ICU where we were ushered in and out for three days while doctors and nurses did their best to make choices none of us wanted to make. Finally it was decided that the anyeurism had caused too much damage and life support would be stopped. We were told all the cliche things that I'm sure you are hearing now with your own Father, none of which really make you feel better, but people for some reason either feel the need to say these things to comfort themselves or it's a form of pre-death ettiquite. I'm still not sure. Honestly? I think I would have been happier if the same people would have just said wonderful happy things and left it at that. I begged our Minister at my Fathers wake to NOT say "Oh death where is thy sting." and guess what? It was like the first thing he said. So at Kari's funeral - we had a Christian service and then we had a Native American service outside in the cemetery with our entire tribe. Women were dressed in ceremonial funeral wear and men sat dressed as well, and beat a drum, and sang/chanted and everyone danced, lit sage - and it was as it should be. Solemn, beautiful, honorable. The weather was lovely, the skies were blue as could be - and I stood there looking up trying not to start crying for myself again, because I had been thinking about how it was watching him lay there in that hospital bed trapped. Kary was such a happy child and he was always on the move free. Then as if on que there in the sky was a hawk - flying East to West. It's a good omen in Native culture. The minute I saw it - the drums stopped, the hawk circled, swooped, and soared high and then away. The Chief said it had come to take Karys spirit. It was a good omen. I had no more tears because I knew where my son had gone he was free. My fear in worrying about his pain while here on earth just lifted because while I'm of small mind -of this world, I know there are better things and better places once we leave here. So while you are hurting over these next few days for your Father, keep in the back of your mind that when his spirit is gone from the painful body that keeps him here? He'll be free. Maybe that's the joy people speak about that they find from death. I've lost two sons - and when I think about it? That's what makes my heart smile. Knowing that it's not about me and my pain of missing them, but that [I]they[/I] won't ever hurt again, and that they are free. When it's our time? We'll see them again. Stay strong, smile for all the good times you remember. Hugs & love Star [/QUOTE]
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