The Day After

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by midatlanticdenial, Oct 3, 2014.

  1. So today I feel like I've been hit by a truck after yesterday's emotional and devastating day.

    I have not seen nor talked to difficult child since yesterday and since I filed charges. The police tried to contact him using my phone but he did not answer. I can only leave it in God's hands and pray he takes care of him. Although jail is not the way I wanted it all to go down, I think it will be the best way to stop him in his tracks.

    As time goes by, I know I will feel better about it all. But I will never truly lose the scars that came with the drug abuse that took over his life. I shed tears now and then, but I'm trying to stay positive and keep focused at work.
    It's difficult.

    I am thankful I finally had the courage to pull the tough love string.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Midatlantic, you will never forget the pain but I can tell you from experience it does get easier. There was a time I couldn't go through a day without bursting into tears. And even though it was so difficult to call the police on my own child I knew it was the right thing to do. It will be a process, there will be good and bad days. The best thing you can do for yourself is build a support group around you, stay firm in your boundaries, and live one day at a time.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  3. I have not had a chance to get back on this forum. I take solace from what I read, and gain strength. Each day has become easier. Struggling with the next step.

    Found out that difficult child is in a detox facility and will be there for a couple more days. There is still a warrant for his arrest. Do I tell the police where he is? I have not spoken to him. He agreed to detox and wants rehab. How does one get from one to the other. I realize it's not my problem, but as a parent, the questions automatically come. My husband thinks we are supposed to pick him up and bring him home until rehab is set up. I told him we can't do that. We're the ones pressing charges. I know he is on an emotional rollercoaster just as I am. We both want him to heal and become the son we used to know. He has to do that. I will be there for him if he goes thru with everything, but not now.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If it were me I would tell the police where he is. Many rehabs will pick them up from detox and take them to rehab. Again if it were me I would move heaven and earth to get him into rehab, including helping make the arrangements. You can call the detox center, if he signs a release you can speak on his behald with them and rehabs. They may have connections with rehabs that they can work with and get him transferred. The courts can continue his case until he is released. I know several families who have pressed charges against their addict children and yet help facilitate their treatment options. After all, that is your goal and like you said you will be there for him if he is doing the right thing. He needs to know that you are there to support him in that effort but that is all.

    This is good news, I am happy he has taken the first step.
  5. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    We just went through this with my school district. My husband spent a LOT of time on the phone with her detox counselor. It took a lot of prodding but convinced the counselor that school district had a lot of support and she had good potential to be "saved." The counselor was great and did find a rehab center for her to go to. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the rehab she went to was only short term so she was only there for a week.

    After many more phone calls and literally begging people for help, they finally found her a halfway house to transfer her to. This is still very new (last day she used was 9/15/14) but between detox and the 2nd facility, she had 15 days sober going into the halfway house. It's a minimum 90 days, max 1 year. She stays as long as she's following the rules and really working the program. Has to pay room and board, get a job, meetings, indiv counseling, group counseling, etc.

    She seems to be committed and is looking forward to getting her 30 day chip.

    My point is, no one is going to work harder at getting your kid help than you are. However, once you work harder than your kid at their rehab, it's a bust. Do whatever it takes to get him in a long-term program and then leave it up to him to do the hard work.

    Good luck with everything. Hugs!
  6. Well, I tried contacting the Detox center, and they would not confirm or deny anything. I don't know if difficult child is still there. They wouldn't even answer general questions. I really want him to go the next step. Guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.
  7. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    So sorry. It's up to difficult child to give permission for them to speak with you. If he wants your help, he'll reach out. You could still make the calls to different rehab facilities to see if there are openings, what insurance they take, etc. All the admissions people I spoke with at each facility were so helpful. They gave great info and advice. If they couldn't help me, they were kind enough to give me referrals when I asked. I actually found the place my school district is at now through my research. Ironically, they had no openings as of Monday but on Tuesday, 2 hours before school district called them, someone quit the program and a bed opened.

    Good luck whatever path you decide to take. For me, it was better to make the calls then to spend my time worrying about the unknown. Worst case, you gain some insight into how these places work.