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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617251" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Welcome to our world. Most of us where were you are at one time and most of us have decided to choose a good life for OURSELVES since then. If you have a failure it is that you are seeing your daughter as that cute little baby you held and are not allowing her to grow up. You are always there to pick her up and it is making her act childish and abusive toward you. Her own faults are numerous. She owns her behavior at her age.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has had a hard time, but she is twenty-five years old and you are not parenting a child anymore. Her disrespect of you and namecalling while living in your house, using your food and bed and other luxuries is horrible of her. Yes, she is <em><strong>abusing </strong></em>you. Also, she has to learn how to take care of her children and see to their needs, not you. You did that already. You raised her. At her age, s he should really be on her own. She is making very poor choices and you and her father are unintentionally enabling her to continue acting like she is a lovesick, horny sixteen year old...not the grown woman that she is. Since none of us can live forever, even if we are willing to sacrifice every ounce of breath for our adult kids who can't seem to get on track, do you think it is good for her to be so dependent on you now? What will she do when you're gone?</p><p></p><p>This is hard to hear...what I'm going to say next. I mean, when I had to admit it to myself about my own son, it made me gag. But it was true and I think it sounds true about your daughter: She is not a nice person. You should probably in my opinion, get on with your own lives. You can not force her to let you see her children, however if you feel they are not being taken care of you can call child protective services. And you can enjoy your golden years with your husband rather than continue to mother a whole new family. It is up to you. Does this daughter even have a job? Has she been tied up with drugs? Do her kids have to keep meeting her new boyfriends over and over again? Are they safe? Could they maybe be sexually abused by some of these boyfriends? You may have a good case for protective services.</p><p></p><p>Having said this, by your spelling, I assume you don't live in the US. Rules/laws/ways of dealing with things are different in various countries. Can you tell us where you live? Somebody who lives there may come here and be able to advise you better about what services may be out there for this adult child and her kids. You should learn what they are and show them to your daughter because she is in my opinion way to old to be acting like you owe her 100% of your time and maybe a lot of your money too. Don't do it. You deserve a good life. In my opinion, it's time for her to hear, "We are not taking care of you anymore." If she throws a child's tantrum so be it. Most of us have been on the receiving end of an adult child's tantrum.By the way, did she maybe drink or take drugs while she was pregnant? That would be one big reason why the children may show some damage. Is she aware that they need evaluating and medical treatment? Has she taken them?</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend buying the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. And also read the article on detachment listed at the top of the page.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617251, member: 1550"] Hi there. Welcome to our world. Most of us where were you are at one time and most of us have decided to choose a good life for OURSELVES since then. If you have a failure it is that you are seeing your daughter as that cute little baby you held and are not allowing her to grow up. You are always there to pick her up and it is making her act childish and abusive toward you. Her own faults are numerous. She owns her behavior at her age. Your daughter has had a hard time, but she is twenty-five years old and you are not parenting a child anymore. Her disrespect of you and namecalling while living in your house, using your food and bed and other luxuries is horrible of her. Yes, she is [I][B]abusing [/B][/I]you. Also, she has to learn how to take care of her children and see to their needs, not you. You did that already. You raised her. At her age, s he should really be on her own. She is making very poor choices and you and her father are unintentionally enabling her to continue acting like she is a lovesick, horny sixteen year old...not the grown woman that she is. Since none of us can live forever, even if we are willing to sacrifice every ounce of breath for our adult kids who can't seem to get on track, do you think it is good for her to be so dependent on you now? What will she do when you're gone? This is hard to hear...what I'm going to say next. I mean, when I had to admit it to myself about my own son, it made me gag. But it was true and I think it sounds true about your daughter: She is not a nice person. You should probably in my opinion, get on with your own lives. You can not force her to let you see her children, however if you feel they are not being taken care of you can call child protective services. And you can enjoy your golden years with your husband rather than continue to mother a whole new family. It is up to you. Does this daughter even have a job? Has she been tied up with drugs? Do her kids have to keep meeting her new boyfriends over and over again? Are they safe? Could they maybe be sexually abused by some of these boyfriends? You may have a good case for protective services. Having said this, by your spelling, I assume you don't live in the US. Rules/laws/ways of dealing with things are different in various countries. Can you tell us where you live? Somebody who lives there may come here and be able to advise you better about what services may be out there for this adult child and her kids. You should learn what they are and show them to your daughter because she is in my opinion way to old to be acting like you owe her 100% of your time and maybe a lot of your money too. Don't do it. You deserve a good life. In my opinion, it's time for her to hear, "We are not taking care of you anymore." If she throws a child's tantrum so be it. Most of us have been on the receiving end of an adult child's tantrum.By the way, did she maybe drink or take drugs while she was pregnant? That would be one big reason why the children may show some damage. Is she aware that they need evaluating and medical treatment? Has she taken them? I highly recommend buying the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. And also read the article on detachment listed at the top of the page. [/QUOTE]
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