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Substance Abuse
The difficulties of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 523558"><p>Janet.... I was on this board when my son was younger so you all haven't watched my journey or what we went through with him when he was younger. I get what you are saying and sometimes I wonder if we should have stepped back when he was in 9th grade and using pot and out of contorl... whether wilderness and a TBS was all just a waste of money and a mistake.</p><p></p><p>Then I think back to then and I remember the absolute terror at realizing my son had probably been sniffing gasoline... that he would try anything to get him high and it would not be long before we were looking at heroin addiction!! This was not what most kids smoking a joint on Friday night were doing... this was extreme. Did we react with major help yes.... did it help? Who knows but he is still alive today. I think if we had not intervened when he was younger he would likely be dead by now. So I come back to we did what we could and it probably saved him for a while anyway... gave him some major clean time while his brain was developing... and gave his sister with some time without him home.</p><p></p><p>Now we are in a different place. He is now 20, not 14. There is nothing more I can do. You are right it is time for me to step back and I am doing that....but like Nancy says it is a process to get there. It is very very hard to let go when you know your kid is in so much trouble and hurting so much but let go is what we need to do. I agree with that.</p><p></p><p>I also agree with not slamming the door in their face... I am not doing that but I am setting boundaries and I am starting to protect my own mental health... and each of us needs to do that in our own way. For some of us the only way to do that is to severely limit contact... for me it is easier because he is 1000 miles away and that really helps.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 523558"] Janet.... I was on this board when my son was younger so you all haven't watched my journey or what we went through with him when he was younger. I get what you are saying and sometimes I wonder if we should have stepped back when he was in 9th grade and using pot and out of contorl... whether wilderness and a TBS was all just a waste of money and a mistake. Then I think back to then and I remember the absolute terror at realizing my son had probably been sniffing gasoline... that he would try anything to get him high and it would not be long before we were looking at heroin addiction!! This was not what most kids smoking a joint on Friday night were doing... this was extreme. Did we react with major help yes.... did it help? Who knows but he is still alive today. I think if we had not intervened when he was younger he would likely be dead by now. So I come back to we did what we could and it probably saved him for a while anyway... gave him some major clean time while his brain was developing... and gave his sister with some time without him home. Now we are in a different place. He is now 20, not 14. There is nothing more I can do. You are right it is time for me to step back and I am doing that....but like Nancy says it is a process to get there. It is very very hard to let go when you know your kid is in so much trouble and hurting so much but let go is what we need to do. I agree with that. I also agree with not slamming the door in their face... I am not doing that but I am setting boundaries and I am starting to protect my own mental health... and each of us needs to do that in our own way. For some of us the only way to do that is to severely limit contact... for me it is easier because he is 1000 miles away and that really helps. TL [/QUOTE]
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