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Substance Abuse
The difficulties of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 523580" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>What an interesting dialogue you're all having. I think you all have really valid points. I don't know, when we're dealing with our kids, how does one define detachment, when all you want is for them to be okay. And, most of us would do just about anything to make that happen. Yikes. I read most of your posts every day and my heart just aches like Janet's, and from my own experience, I know how tough it is to not give them that one last chance, and then decide, once again, to let go. And, then do it all over again. Whose to say that last try won't be the one that does the trick? And, yet for some, letting go and having no contact is the needed and right thing to do. </p><p></p><p>We each have to go deep within and examine that in ourselves, what can we live with, what are we willing to do, when is enough, enough. Geez, my kid is almost 40! You guys are talking about teens and young adults. I must be a real nimrod to be at it this long! But, my kid isn't on drugs, she's got a brain that doesn't fire right. And, underneath some of your kids addictions, is a similar brain, so how do we make those distinctions and love them in a healthy way which doesn't enable them, yet gives them a chance? </p><p></p><p>And, I grew up in the 60's, in New York, so I saw lots of drugs and many reactions to those drugs. I think you've all got good points, and another is that it's simply a different time now. These young people today inherited a very different world, with way more pressures. With more affluence comes more options. With more options comes more complications. With more complications, comes more fear and fear causes kids to run scared into lives without all the complications. I've read a lot of books lately on teens and the pressures they face today in school, with sex, bullying, eating disorders, pressure to get in a good school, it has been a real eye opener for me. I think they live in way more complex and pressurized worlds then I ever did. As a grown woman, sometimes life is just overwhelming and I have 62 years and lots of therapy, what must it be like to be 17 and facing life with depression, or ADHD, or Bipolar, I can't even imagine. </p><p></p><p>I listen each week in my therapy group to parents talk about their (mostly) young substance abusing kids and the agony they go through trying to help them. I hear the incredible compassion our therapist has for these kids and how tough the road back to sobriety is and how many relapses they go through. It is a remarkable experience for me to be part of this and understand it a lot better then I ever did. My therapist is the Director of the entire Chemical Dependency program which is enormous, and the armies of addicted folks who walk through those doors each day is unbelievable. I had no idea how widespread and deep rooted this issue is. And, they are learning so much each day about it, it is a relatively young psychology. </p><p></p><p>You guys are in the front lines here of an enormous issue the entire society is facing. This addiction issue is growing to epidemic proportions and we are running as fast as we can as a culture trying to figure it out and fix it. I think those of you out there who are dealing with kids who have substance abuse issues are dealing with a helluva lot, and I think it's complicated, lonely, filled with emotions you never thought you would have and horribly frightening. And, I think you're all doing the very best you can. The fact that we can all can post our thoughts and feelings here is a blessing, whether we agree or not. My issue is different, but being a parent is (mostly) the same, that's where we all connect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 523580, member: 13542"] What an interesting dialogue you're all having. I think you all have really valid points. I don't know, when we're dealing with our kids, how does one define detachment, when all you want is for them to be okay. And, most of us would do just about anything to make that happen. Yikes. I read most of your posts every day and my heart just aches like Janet's, and from my own experience, I know how tough it is to not give them that one last chance, and then decide, once again, to let go. And, then do it all over again. Whose to say that last try won't be the one that does the trick? And, yet for some, letting go and having no contact is the needed and right thing to do. We each have to go deep within and examine that in ourselves, what can we live with, what are we willing to do, when is enough, enough. Geez, my kid is almost 40! You guys are talking about teens and young adults. I must be a real nimrod to be at it this long! But, my kid isn't on drugs, she's got a brain that doesn't fire right. And, underneath some of your kids addictions, is a similar brain, so how do we make those distinctions and love them in a healthy way which doesn't enable them, yet gives them a chance? And, I grew up in the 60's, in New York, so I saw lots of drugs and many reactions to those drugs. I think you've all got good points, and another is that it's simply a different time now. These young people today inherited a very different world, with way more pressures. With more affluence comes more options. With more options comes more complications. With more complications, comes more fear and fear causes kids to run scared into lives without all the complications. I've read a lot of books lately on teens and the pressures they face today in school, with sex, bullying, eating disorders, pressure to get in a good school, it has been a real eye opener for me. I think they live in way more complex and pressurized worlds then I ever did. As a grown woman, sometimes life is just overwhelming and I have 62 years and lots of therapy, what must it be like to be 17 and facing life with depression, or ADHD, or Bipolar, I can't even imagine. I listen each week in my therapy group to parents talk about their (mostly) young substance abusing kids and the agony they go through trying to help them. I hear the incredible compassion our therapist has for these kids and how tough the road back to sobriety is and how many relapses they go through. It is a remarkable experience for me to be part of this and understand it a lot better then I ever did. My therapist is the Director of the entire Chemical Dependency program which is enormous, and the armies of addicted folks who walk through those doors each day is unbelievable. I had no idea how widespread and deep rooted this issue is. And, they are learning so much each day about it, it is a relatively young psychology. You guys are in the front lines here of an enormous issue the entire society is facing. This addiction issue is growing to epidemic proportions and we are running as fast as we can as a culture trying to figure it out and fix it. I think those of you out there who are dealing with kids who have substance abuse issues are dealing with a helluva lot, and I think it's complicated, lonely, filled with emotions you never thought you would have and horribly frightening. And, I think you're all doing the very best you can. The fact that we can all can post our thoughts and feelings here is a blessing, whether we agree or not. My issue is different, but being a parent is (mostly) the same, that's where we all connect. [/QUOTE]
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