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Substance Abuse
The difficulties of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 523698" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>TL I agree with everything you said. The drug use does add several more layers to their already dysfunctional or destructive behavior. Years ago before I had to face this issue I never dreamed of coming in contact with drug dealers and users who would think nothing of robbing you while eating diner at your table and then breaking into your house when knowing you are away. The fact that we had one of those drug dealers harassing us for a year, coming on our property, kicking our door in and waking us in the middle of the night designed to intimidate us reminded me that we are dealing with some serious underground criminals. And knowing our difficult child's are mixed up with them and watching as so many of those young people die because of their use just adds so much more fear that that could be our child. </p><p></p><p>And so I too think it does matter that drugs are involved. I agree that many of us would have issues even without the drugs but they may not be life threatening and may allow the person to live a fairly normal life. Drugs take all of that away, there is no hope as long as they are using. In the al-anon meetings they call it a family disease for a reason. It affects every member of the family and beyond.</p><p></p><p>I think about if my difficult child was not an addict and just had issues that made it very difficult to be around them or have any kind of meaningful relationship. Of course I am projecting because I don't know, but I am happy enough in my life that I think I could be content with them living their own life and having very little contact because I would know that they are safe and not involved in life threatening, illegal activities. I would not have to lie awake at night waiting for the phone call telling me my difficult child is in jail or dead. </p><p></p><p>I agree that we all should work toward becoming as detached as we can from their behavior but not the person. It's hard to do when the likelihood that the person may not survive is very real. And so we continue to try to change their behavior until it becomes so obvious that we can't do that.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 523698, member: 59"] TL I agree with everything you said. The drug use does add several more layers to their already dysfunctional or destructive behavior. Years ago before I had to face this issue I never dreamed of coming in contact with drug dealers and users who would think nothing of robbing you while eating diner at your table and then breaking into your house when knowing you are away. The fact that we had one of those drug dealers harassing us for a year, coming on our property, kicking our door in and waking us in the middle of the night designed to intimidate us reminded me that we are dealing with some serious underground criminals. And knowing our difficult child's are mixed up with them and watching as so many of those young people die because of their use just adds so much more fear that that could be our child. And so I too think it does matter that drugs are involved. I agree that many of us would have issues even without the drugs but they may not be life threatening and may allow the person to live a fairly normal life. Drugs take all of that away, there is no hope as long as they are using. In the al-anon meetings they call it a family disease for a reason. It affects every member of the family and beyond. I think about if my difficult child was not an addict and just had issues that made it very difficult to be around them or have any kind of meaningful relationship. Of course I am projecting because I don't know, but I am happy enough in my life that I think I could be content with them living their own life and having very little contact because I would know that they are safe and not involved in life threatening, illegal activities. I would not have to lie awake at night waiting for the phone call telling me my difficult child is in jail or dead. I agree that we all should work toward becoming as detached as we can from their behavior but not the person. It's hard to do when the likelihood that the person may not survive is very real. And so we continue to try to change their behavior until it becomes so obvious that we can't do that. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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