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The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 447902"><p>I would definitely join SA... although I am trying to be in recovery... but relapsing now and then!!!</p><p></p><p>As far as MrSammlers question.... I guess my reaction was to just try to go on.... but once you lose trust it takes a lot longer than a reset to regain it so I would try to go on and be wary very wary.... now that he is out of the house and much has happened and he is not living here he no longer has that attitude. We now have limits and we are not accepting "reset" and if he gets nasty to me then I just ignore him and don't respond... but I will say this has not happened in person recently at all. Of course I don't see him very often.</p><p></p><p>As to the earlier question my difficult child did not do the "oh poor me you think I am a screw up" spchiel... but he certainly tried to deflect things back on to me in various ways. And you are right it is total manipulation. He is a master at that.</p><p></p><p>The one that used to get me when we would get into was how I would never know my grandchildren and we would have no relationship. He does not have any children at this point so that was a total future prediction and him just trying to hurt me. It worked the first couple of times, I was hurt and I would go off and cry...... but I came to realize that was what he wanted and I needed to let it go and stop taking his **** personally.</p><p></p><p>So the last time he said that to me I said something like "You may hate me forever and I can live with that. However I will always love you and have to do what I have to do". That finally became my response because it is the truth....and truth is I can live with him hating me forever too. Fact is he doesn't hate me I don't think... and I think he knows I love him and in the end that may be helpful to him at some point.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 447902"] I would definitely join SA... although I am trying to be in recovery... but relapsing now and then!!! As far as MrSammlers question.... I guess my reaction was to just try to go on.... but once you lose trust it takes a lot longer than a reset to regain it so I would try to go on and be wary very wary.... now that he is out of the house and much has happened and he is not living here he no longer has that attitude. We now have limits and we are not accepting "reset" and if he gets nasty to me then I just ignore him and don't respond... but I will say this has not happened in person recently at all. Of course I don't see him very often. As to the earlier question my difficult child did not do the "oh poor me you think I am a screw up" spchiel... but he certainly tried to deflect things back on to me in various ways. And you are right it is total manipulation. He is a master at that. The one that used to get me when we would get into was how I would never know my grandchildren and we would have no relationship. He does not have any children at this point so that was a total future prediction and him just trying to hurt me. It worked the first couple of times, I was hurt and I would go off and cry...... but I came to realize that was what he wanted and I needed to let it go and stop taking his **** personally. So the last time he said that to me I said something like "You may hate me forever and I can live with that. However I will always love you and have to do what I have to do". That finally became my response because it is the truth....and truth is I can live with him hating me forever too. Fact is he doesn't hate me I don't think... and I think he knows I love him and in the end that may be helpful to him at some point. [/QUOTE]
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The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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