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Parent Emeritus
The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 447905" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Mr. Sam,</p><p>I don't exactly hit reset, but I do continue to interact with my difficult child in a positive way....within certain limitations. My problem with her though, is not very often disrespectful language to my face. She definately wants to be on my good side, so -in my presence, she's a perfect angel. HOWEVER, as this thread title indicates, there is much beneath the surface.</p><p></p><p>I do address the things that she does that she knows I find out about. For example, when she lied about using her dad's car to go to the mall and, in fact, drove 30 miles to pick up a stranger she'd met online and then returned to her dad's (he was away for the night) with said stranger, I took away her house key and told her she would not be using my car for a very long time - if ever. She knows she can only come here when I am home, and she is not to have anyone here if she happens to be staying with me and I have plans for the evening. Her dad did ... nothing. </p><p></p><p>When she smoked in my garage this winter, I reminded her that the smoking area here is the side porch and i do not care how cold it is. I also told her if she smoked anywhere on the premises other than that area, she would either have to quit smoking or quit visiting. She never did it again.</p><p></p><p>When she disappeared without a note or explaination when I went to her dad's to pick her up for a movie (telling her dad many lies when she did return home), I left exactly one message on her voice mail (when I arrived and she was not there). It took her a MONTH to call me. When she did, she said she missed me and I called her back and said I missed her too. She invited me over the next day, and we did not speak of the time that had passed or why she'd done what she had done.</p><p></p><p>When she pulled something similar a month later, I told her she had used the "get out of jail free" card and asked for an explanation. I told her I would call her on her behavior when it comes to keeping her promises with me and I do ... but after I have my say, I drop it and let it go.</p><p></p><p>Granted, I do not live with her nor am I dealing with the kind of in your face disrespect your nephew is dishing out, but I do believe in a combination of natural consquences (the house key and the car), speaking your peace but then letting it go.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 447905, member: 9175"] Mr. Sam, I don't exactly hit reset, but I do continue to interact with my difficult child in a positive way....within certain limitations. My problem with her though, is not very often disrespectful language to my face. She definately wants to be on my good side, so -in my presence, she's a perfect angel. HOWEVER, as this thread title indicates, there is much beneath the surface. I do address the things that she does that she knows I find out about. For example, when she lied about using her dad's car to go to the mall and, in fact, drove 30 miles to pick up a stranger she'd met online and then returned to her dad's (he was away for the night) with said stranger, I took away her house key and told her she would not be using my car for a very long time - if ever. She knows she can only come here when I am home, and she is not to have anyone here if she happens to be staying with me and I have plans for the evening. Her dad did ... nothing. When she smoked in my garage this winter, I reminded her that the smoking area here is the side porch and i do not care how cold it is. I also told her if she smoked anywhere on the premises other than that area, she would either have to quit smoking or quit visiting. She never did it again. When she disappeared without a note or explaination when I went to her dad's to pick her up for a movie (telling her dad many lies when she did return home), I left exactly one message on her voice mail (when I arrived and she was not there). It took her a MONTH to call me. When she did, she said she missed me and I called her back and said I missed her too. She invited me over the next day, and we did not speak of the time that had passed or why she'd done what she had done. When she pulled something similar a month later, I told her she had used the "get out of jail free" card and asked for an explanation. I told her I would call her on her behavior when it comes to keeping her promises with me and I do ... but after I have my say, I drop it and let it go. Granted, I do not live with her nor am I dealing with the kind of in your face disrespect your nephew is dishing out, but I do believe in a combination of natural consquences (the house key and the car), speaking your peace but then letting it go. Dash [/QUOTE]
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The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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