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Parent Emeritus
The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 448021"><p>I think there is a difference between an uncle and a parent in a situation like this. I definitely believe in consequences and making the difficult child accountable for their actions. However at least to me it is important for my difficult child to know I love him no matter what although i sometimes hate the things that he does. So your approach I think makes sense as an uncle, to me as mother would be very rejecting of him as a person and i don't want to do that. My difficult child anyway clearly already has some major self esteem issues as well as adoption issues, and i don't think it would help him get anything to feel me reject him... in fact I think that would make things worse. On the other hand it does not mean just accepting anything he does to me or that I should hit reset every time says he is sorry.... bottom line is I don't trust my difficult child at all, and so there are many things I won't do because of my lack of trust.... for example I want nothing to do with helping him buy a car because I do not trust him to drive responsibly. Even if heh came to me and very seriously told me he gets it, he is totally sober, he is changing his life, that in and of itself would not make me trust him..... no he will have to earn my trust and that will take a long time and i don't know if it will ever happen.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 448021"] I think there is a difference between an uncle and a parent in a situation like this. I definitely believe in consequences and making the difficult child accountable for their actions. However at least to me it is important for my difficult child to know I love him no matter what although i sometimes hate the things that he does. So your approach I think makes sense as an uncle, to me as mother would be very rejecting of him as a person and i don't want to do that. My difficult child anyway clearly already has some major self esteem issues as well as adoption issues, and i don't think it would help him get anything to feel me reject him... in fact I think that would make things worse. On the other hand it does not mean just accepting anything he does to me or that I should hit reset every time says he is sorry.... bottom line is I don't trust my difficult child at all, and so there are many things I won't do because of my lack of trust.... for example I want nothing to do with helping him buy a car because I do not trust him to drive responsibly. Even if heh came to me and very seriously told me he gets it, he is totally sober, he is changing his life, that in and of itself would not make me trust him..... no he will have to earn my trust and that will take a long time and i don't know if it will ever happen. [/QUOTE]
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The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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