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The double edged sword of learning to detach...
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 338592" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">If you're really freaking out about what to expect and what's possibly being expected of you, hit up your library or local book store to research the current trends. Most trends suggest that the happy couple foot most of the bill these days (whew, what a relief said the mother of two girls!).</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">And most parents of the bride/groom simply offer a certain amount and be done with it. This allows you up front to make a contribution (which if you do this, you will pay directly to the client, not the couple, if your goal is to keep them from wasting it), and be a part of the planning (at the bride's discretion of course) without feeling like you're being used for monetary purposes only.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I agree that you should discuss with your H how much, if any, you and he are willing to contribute to the wedding BEFORE you go dress shopping with future daughter in law. That way, if it comes up, you will be prepared with a set dollar amount. And that will leave them to discuss how to fit whatever your contribution is into their wedding budget. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">You could even go a step further and buy the bride a book about weddings in general or a book about having a budget wedding to help her plan accordingly.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">For my first wedding, my exh wanted the big show - white tux with tails (he is 5'6" - looked ridiculous) so I had to change the color of my gown to snow white (my mom made it for me and I loved it, wish I could wear it again). We rented a wedding banquet hall, the dj, the whole nine yards. What could have gone wrong, went wrong. Nightmare comes to mind. Obviously, you know how it ended - LOL.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Second wedding, I planned. It was in my sister's backyard under a beautiful pergola covered in vines and flowers, surrounded by her gorgeous flower beds, only family and intimate friends. I bought my 'gown' at Marshalls for $60, already had the shoes and jewelry. H bought his suit at Filenes Basement for $100 and the catering cost all of $1600 and was wonderful. So for $2000, we had the wedding of our dreams without all the pomp. We have the loveliest memories from that day. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I would go - relax and get to know your future daughter in law. Have a nice day out, lunch, etc. It sounds like she needs a loving mother figure in her life since hers is absent from reality. Hugs~</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 338592, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]If you're really freaking out about what to expect and what's possibly being expected of you, hit up your library or local book store to research the current trends. Most trends suggest that the happy couple foot most of the bill these days (whew, what a relief said the mother of two girls!).[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]And most parents of the bride/groom simply offer a certain amount and be done with it. This allows you up front to make a contribution (which if you do this, you will pay directly to the client, not the couple, if your goal is to keep them from wasting it), and be a part of the planning (at the bride's discretion of course) without feeling like you're being used for monetary purposes only.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I agree that you should discuss with your H how much, if any, you and he are willing to contribute to the wedding BEFORE you go dress shopping with future daughter in law. That way, if it comes up, you will be prepared with a set dollar amount. And that will leave them to discuss how to fit whatever your contribution is into their wedding budget. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]You could even go a step further and buy the bride a book about weddings in general or a book about having a budget wedding to help her plan accordingly.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]For my first wedding, my exh wanted the big show - white tux with tails (he is 5'6" - looked ridiculous) so I had to change the color of my gown to snow white (my mom made it for me and I loved it, wish I could wear it again). We rented a wedding banquet hall, the dj, the whole nine yards. What could have gone wrong, went wrong. Nightmare comes to mind. Obviously, you know how it ended - LOL.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Second wedding, I planned. It was in my sister's backyard under a beautiful pergola covered in vines and flowers, surrounded by her gorgeous flower beds, only family and intimate friends. I bought my 'gown' at Marshalls for $60, already had the shoes and jewelry. H bought his suit at Filenes Basement for $100 and the catering cost all of $1600 and was wonderful. So for $2000, we had the wedding of our dreams without all the pomp. We have the loveliest memories from that day. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I would go - relax and get to know your future daughter in law. Have a nice day out, lunch, etc. It sounds like she needs a loving mother figure in her life since hers is absent from reality. Hugs~[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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The double edged sword of learning to detach...
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