H
HaoZi
Guest
I'm sure J needed some time to read it all, mull it over, and think about decisions. I would guess neither of them make decisions like this lightly. Hopefully he is as good and true as you believe him to be.
The drama never stops: Got a letter from easy child's boyfriend's stepmother (got that?)
- Thread starter BusynMember
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
He's a kid, not an angel, but he is certainly a nice enough kid that I'm ok with Jumper going out with him once every two weeks or so.
DDD
Well-Known Member
It may be too late to add this thought but..I would advise Jumper not to share that information with her friends. Teens often don't realize the snowball results of some tidbit and how it can cause harm with-o that intention. Personally I would also encourage her to focus on her normal activities and not hone in on this issue. The SM may just be afraid that their teen might be diverting his goal due to the relationship. She may have had sex at an early age and wants him to avoid the complexities. Maybe she is a looney toon or maybe she is a racist. No matter what she is or what her motivations are I'd want Jumper to avoid the conflict and just be her happy self.
I fell in love at sixteen. My parents were polite but did not like the boy because he wasn't from our socio-economic circle. His parents were polite but did not like me because (1) they thought I was spoiled due to my family's worth and more importantly (2) because they were afraid I would derail their son's fast track to success. He too was an awesome student with a very bright future. We stayed together for two years until I realized that I was too young to make a lifelong commitment and that he, indeed, would likely achieve his goals more easily with-o me at his side. He did!
The point of the story is that it is not new or unusual for parents to be driven by justified or unjustifoed fears.
I hope the dust settles soon and both of the kids enjoy their upcoming year. Hugs DDD
I fell in love at sixteen. My parents were polite but did not like the boy because he wasn't from our socio-economic circle. His parents were polite but did not like me because (1) they thought I was spoiled due to my family's worth and more importantly (2) because they were afraid I would derail their son's fast track to success. He too was an awesome student with a very bright future. We stayed together for two years until I realized that I was too young to make a lifelong commitment and that he, indeed, would likely achieve his goals more easily with-o me at his side. He did!
The point of the story is that it is not new or unusual for parents to be driven by justified or unjustifoed fears.
I hope the dust settles soon and both of the kids enjoy their upcoming year. Hugs DDD
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I'm late to this, but it's a good thing, because I can see that the kids are handling it on their own. With a little help from you, showing Jumper the letter, and her showing it to her boyfriend.
Obviously, this family has communication issues. You do not need to involve yourself further.
I can't wait for this kid to move out. Bravo to him!
Seems like it may be over with sooner than you think.
So sorry.
Obviously, this family has communication issues. You do not need to involve yourself further.
I can't wait for this kid to move out. Bravo to him!
Seems like it may be over with sooner than you think.
So sorry.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
UPDATE:
Ok, I talked to Jumper. She did not read J. the letter because they have taken away his phone because he got stopped for texting and driving at the same time. So he was talking to her from a laptop.
She told J. that she won't go to his house anymore and he said then they can only see each other every other weekend (if SM doesn't take his vehicle away). I am getting the big picture of the family, and it's not pretty. One of my friends sort of knows them.
At eight years old his father married SM. From that age on, J. had to work. Allegedly his mother is "crazy." He hasn't had a relationship with her. SM took over. Both SM and father are extremely hard on him and his father told him recently, "You're such a **** up, you'll never amount to anything." Excuse me? Straight A's and three jobs? No trouble with the law and he doesn't even swear back at them when they are abusive to him? He has very low self-esteem, but he tries. He told Jumper that if they are not together anymore when he graduates, he is going to take off and never come back. That there is nothing for him here. Right now he is stuck at home because he is in the middle of nowhere and can't even walk to a store (it's too far).
Really a sad story. I am not exaggerating about this boy's potential and what he has accomplished, yet all his parents do is shoot him down. His new curfew is 6pm when he is with Jumper. Neither of them want to break up anyway...I guess that eighteen year old birthday is part of it. I'm not sure. At any rate, this is all I know. Thanks for listening.
Ok, I talked to Jumper. She did not read J. the letter because they have taken away his phone because he got stopped for texting and driving at the same time. So he was talking to her from a laptop.
She told J. that she won't go to his house anymore and he said then they can only see each other every other weekend (if SM doesn't take his vehicle away). I am getting the big picture of the family, and it's not pretty. One of my friends sort of knows them.
At eight years old his father married SM. From that age on, J. had to work. Allegedly his mother is "crazy." He hasn't had a relationship with her. SM took over. Both SM and father are extremely hard on him and his father told him recently, "You're such a **** up, you'll never amount to anything." Excuse me? Straight A's and three jobs? No trouble with the law and he doesn't even swear back at them when they are abusive to him? He has very low self-esteem, but he tries. He told Jumper that if they are not together anymore when he graduates, he is going to take off and never come back. That there is nothing for him here. Right now he is stuck at home because he is in the middle of nowhere and can't even walk to a store (it's too far).
Really a sad story. I am not exaggerating about this boy's potential and what he has accomplished, yet all his parents do is shoot him down. His new curfew is 6pm when he is with Jumper. Neither of them want to break up anyway...I guess that eighteen year old birthday is part of it. I'm not sure. At any rate, this is all I know. Thanks for listening.
H
HaoZi
Guest
It almost reads to me that his father and SM feel threatened and ashamed that he can (and likely will!) accomplish far more than they ever will. Sounds like he really cares about Jumper (yay!) and is willing to do what he has to do, including wait (which we already knew, right?). If their relationship can survive the college years, I think you'll have a wonderful sister in law to show for it that won't try to drag everyone to his family for the holidays. 
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have no idea what is in their minds. I think SM wants to control him for as long as she can. I'll update you all on what happens, but he is definitely going to college. Once he's away at college, obviously he will have girlfriends and certainly sex. He isn't going to blow college for them.
The foster mom in me is aching with maternal instincts, but there is nothing I can do.
The foster mom in me is aching with maternal instincts, but there is nothing I can do.
mstang67chic
Going Green
Too bad I don't live closer. He sounds like a great kid.
shellyd67
Active Member
This is very upsetting to me. This boy is being being verbally abused for being a great kid. Could you imagine if these people cared for a difficult child ? WOW, they sound like kooks to me (forgive me for being so frank)
It is hard enough being a teenager and being a teenager in a relationship and then add on straight A's, 3 jobs, etc. This poor boy is going to crack !
I am glad he has a wonderful friend in Jumper.
It is hard enough being a teenager and being a teenager in a relationship and then add on straight A's, 3 jobs, etc. This poor boy is going to crack !
I am glad he has a wonderful friend in Jumper.
Mattsmom277
Active Member
What a sad position for this young man to be in at home. It sure doesn't sound healthy, supportive etc. Great news that he is determined to go to college and from the sound of it, the sooner the better. SM must have hear head in the sand (or somewhere!) to think it is normal to prevent a 17 year old boy from having a girlfriend. And she must be naive if she thinks that sex can only happen if left unattended in a g/f's house. Teens who want to take that step find ways to do it, and I find it hard to believe this woman doesn't realize this. It is not rocket science.
What hateful statements aimed at this young fella by his family. To imply he's not going to amount to anything or whatever, when from all you say he's ambitious, has a good work ethic, concrete goals, is a attentive student, well rounded via athletics etc. He will thrive on his own since he's managing to fly in the face of the criticism even whilst living among those who shoot him down.
We all know most teen romances don't turn long lasting, but this sounds like a great intro relationship for Jumper. She has chosen someone with characteristics that we want our children to seek in a partner. Then again, some teen romances do bloom into permanent relationships. He sounds a good catch either way. Your Jumper must be a great girl to have him so interested in her. Something tells me that both J and Jumper are going to deal with this in a way that works for them both.
What hateful statements aimed at this young fella by his family. To imply he's not going to amount to anything or whatever, when from all you say he's ambitious, has a good work ethic, concrete goals, is a attentive student, well rounded via athletics etc. He will thrive on his own since he's managing to fly in the face of the criticism even whilst living among those who shoot him down.
We all know most teen romances don't turn long lasting, but this sounds like a great intro relationship for Jumper. She has chosen someone with characteristics that we want our children to seek in a partner. Then again, some teen romances do bloom into permanent relationships. He sounds a good catch either way. Your Jumper must be a great girl to have him so interested in her. Something tells me that both J and Jumper are going to deal with this in a way that works for them both.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the support. If I get to see him I plan on telling him that I expect great things from him and that he is a fabulous kid. Many of us have struggled with kids who have self-sabataged their lives, yet even most of us never uttered such hateful words to our children. I have no understanding of people like them. I guess they are plain old abusive parents and they WILL lose him.
A sad note: He texted Jumper and said, "It must feel good to be wanted."
If they ever do remain friends or continue dating (the little that they are) I will try hard to be a good adult friend to him. He is starving for an approving adult in his life. These two never let him out of their sights except for sports practices. And they drive him there, stay the whole time, and drive him home. So he isn't really in contact with anybody else.
A sad note: He texted Jumper and said, "It must feel good to be wanted."
If they ever do remain friends or continue dating (the little that they are) I will try hard to be a good adult friend to him. He is starving for an approving adult in his life. These two never let him out of their sights except for sports practices. And they drive him there, stay the whole time, and drive him home. So he isn't really in contact with anybody else.
H
HaoZi
Guest
MWM, did you mean to say that name instead of Jumper?
Oy... any chance he works a job she could see him at? Like maybe as a waiter?
Oy... any chance he works a job she could see him at? Like maybe as a waiter?
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Oh, yes!!!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
mstang67chic
Going Green
I wonder if any of his coaches have realized what's going on....or teachers for that matter. They would be a great support for him also. And when you tell him what a great kid he is, tell him that there are more than a few of us who would gladly take him! (or however you would word that so it sounds a bit better 
)
)BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have no idea if I'll get to see him anytime soon. Dad and SM were going to drive Jumper to all of his football games. Hmmmm. I said, even before the letter, "That's ridiculous. Go with me." Now I won't let her under their abusive supervision nor will she even go near them on her own (she wants nothing to do with them). I thought of sending him a nice note on Facebook, however he hides all of his info (can't blame him) and I'm not sure that if I send him a note it would also ask him to be my friend, which he would probably find embarassing. Or dangerous. The place to click on a message just does not show up on his facebook.
I did a court search in his county just to make sure he was not in trouble (maybe I missed something?) His name was there only for "inattentive driving" in 2010 and nothing else. I had known about that because SM put that in her letter. So no drug convictions or anything. I think I am more upset for him than Jumper is because I have always been interested in abused youth. I so badly want to write his SM a letter back telling her off, but I know that would only make things worse for him.
Once he is 18, if he is still in high school, is he still considered an adult? I hope so, for his sake.
I did a court search in his county just to make sure he was not in trouble (maybe I missed something?) His name was there only for "inattentive driving" in 2010 and nothing else. I had known about that because SM put that in her letter. So no drug convictions or anything. I think I am more upset for him than Jumper is because I have always been interested in abused youth. I so badly want to write his SM a letter back telling her off, but I know that would only make things worse for him.
Once he is 18, if he is still in high school, is he still considered an adult? I hope so, for his sake.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Well, then, I'll tell Jumper to cool it and stay in touch and maybe she can see him more often once he's eighteen. He is pretty much supporting himself already. I'd love to see more of him to give him a taste of a mother. I know he'd appreciate that.
