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The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 640735" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Whether he is a full blown Narcissist or just highly developed traits is of no matter to you because he acts "as if". It sounds to me that you have been able to come to terms with "he is who he is". That is a good thing because nothing is worse than living on that tight-wire hoping to see change. <em>HIS</em> choices of not being involved with other family members are just one part of the narcissistic personality. "My way or the highway because I am all knowing". Add in manipulation an control and you know you are dealing with a dysfunctional personality. You are absolutely right that they do not respect boundaries and you have established yours, but somehow it seems <em>hateful or against society </em>to see these traits as they are and put boundaries in place to protect you and your life/emotions from being harmed by someone who <em>can not respect them - especially a parent/child. </em>And when you are dealing with a personality disordered person this can be quite maddening, especially when they are related to you. Anyone else in the outside world we would, after a while, permanently walk away. We <em>should be able to safely love our birth family.</em> When/if dealing with difficult child father, perhaps it would be better to take an attitude of "I will not try to make sense out of nonsense." And then use other coping mechanisms that work for you i.e. not picking up the phone/returning the call. I think it is one of the most painful situations to deal with to accept that our parents may not love us. (in this case because a narcissist only loves themselves and only cares how those attachments reflects on them, <em>because he is personality disordered)</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I.E. the "Black Sheep" : remember the black sheep is only the sheep that is different from the others. So being the black sheep in a very dyfuntional family is actually a complement. It always amazes me how the so-called black sheep is usually the one that is somehow loudly announcing to the world (even if it is just in how the family member carries themselves) that there are huge problems within the family. I think in the psychiatric world it is called the "target patient" while everyone else is busy pointing out the problems of the "target" it purpose is to keep the focus off whatever other dysfunction is going on within the family.</em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 640735, member: 18366"] Whether he is a full blown Narcissist or just highly developed traits is of no matter to you because he acts "as if". It sounds to me that you have been able to come to terms with "he is who he is". That is a good thing because nothing is worse than living on that tight-wire hoping to see change. [I]HIS[/I] choices of not being involved with other family members are just one part of the narcissistic personality. "My way or the highway because I am all knowing". Add in manipulation an control and you know you are dealing with a dysfunctional personality. You are absolutely right that they do not respect boundaries and you have established yours, but somehow it seems [I]hateful or against society [/I]to see these traits as they are and put boundaries in place to protect you and your life/emotions from being harmed by someone who [I]can not respect them - especially a parent/child. [/I]And when you are dealing with a personality disordered person this can be quite maddening, especially when they are related to you. Anyone else in the outside world we would, after a while, permanently walk away. We [I]should be able to safely love our birth family.[/I] When/if dealing with difficult child father, perhaps it would be better to take an attitude of "I will not try to make sense out of nonsense." And then use other coping mechanisms that work for you i.e. not picking up the phone/returning the call. I think it is one of the most painful situations to deal with to accept that our parents may not love us. (in this case because a narcissist only loves themselves and only cares how those attachments reflects on them, [I]because he is personality disordered) I.E. the "Black Sheep" : remember the black sheep is only the sheep that is different from the others. So being the black sheep in a very dyfuntional family is actually a complement. It always amazes me how the so-called black sheep is usually the one that is somehow loudly announcing to the world (even if it is just in how the family member carries themselves) that there are huge problems within the family. I think in the psychiatric world it is called the "target patient" while everyone else is busy pointing out the problems of the "target" it purpose is to keep the focus off whatever other dysfunction is going on within the family. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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