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The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641611" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nomad, I never thought of my father as insecure, but you are probably RIGHT.</p><p></p><p>It is not my intention to hurt my father. All I did was ask him to please treat me with respect when we speak and I promised to do the same to him. I have not heard from him. I doubt if I will. He will read the sentence and distort it in that way he does.</p><p></p><p>I'm just glad that, even if it took being in in 40's, I was able to experience a normal family life. Even my first family with my ex and three children was dysfunctional as I did not know any different and my ex was so much like my father. The kids suffered. I am grateful that 37 and Julie forgive me with all their hearts for the dysfunction that suffered in their childhoods. I have apologized to both and they have accepted it with love and graciousness (yes, even 37). Interesting that my three children from my first marriage do not speak, much like my family of origin...patterns repeat. But it is what it is and at least they seem happy.</p><p></p><p>I am just grateful I saw this dysfunction as early as childhood and tried to change myself to make my own life better. Baby steps, but I did it. I feel really badly for those who can not cut the abusive ties that bind them simply because it is "family." "Family" is who loves you and is kind to you, not who shares your DNA. That's what I learned, maybe my biggest lesson ever.</p><p></p><p>Nomad, you are a wise woman and your posts to me were greatly valued and appreciated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641611, member: 1550"] Nomad, I never thought of my father as insecure, but you are probably RIGHT. It is not my intention to hurt my father. All I did was ask him to please treat me with respect when we speak and I promised to do the same to him. I have not heard from him. I doubt if I will. He will read the sentence and distort it in that way he does. I'm just glad that, even if it took being in in 40's, I was able to experience a normal family life. Even my first family with my ex and three children was dysfunctional as I did not know any different and my ex was so much like my father. The kids suffered. I am grateful that 37 and Julie forgive me with all their hearts for the dysfunction that suffered in their childhoods. I have apologized to both and they have accepted it with love and graciousness (yes, even 37). Interesting that my three children from my first marriage do not speak, much like my family of origin...patterns repeat. But it is what it is and at least they seem happy. I am just grateful I saw this dysfunction as early as childhood and tried to change myself to make my own life better. Baby steps, but I did it. I feel really badly for those who can not cut the abusive ties that bind them simply because it is "family." "Family" is who loves you and is kind to you, not who shares your DNA. That's what I learned, maybe my biggest lesson ever. Nomad, you are a wise woman and your posts to me were greatly valued and appreciated. [/QUOTE]
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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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