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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641698" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, I am convinced people with personality disorders, due to lack of empathy and a strange ability to be mean, are why parents seem alike. Get this. My mother was extremely jealous of my relationship with HER mother. Looking back I think Grandma had personality problems too, but actually not as bad as her daughter. Still, she liked to stir t he pot and the best way she could do that was to stick up for me, the black sheep child, and she did. In fact, she used to tell me I was her second favorite person in the world, the first being her a-hole, he-can-do-no-wrong son. When I told that to my mother, she yelled, "Well, honey, she left ME an inheritance NOT YOU!" She went ballistic. Maybe I shouldn't have told her, but that was back in the day before I didn't try to get back at those who were mean to me. I shouldn't have said that and would not have said that if I had been forty at the time, but it was before I understood the game I was involved in. </p><p></p><p>The funny thing is, my mother always said, "I would never disrespect Grandma." She did whatever her mother said and only later in Grandma's life did they start arguing and my mom would tell her she loved her son more than her, blah, blah, blah. She also used to say, "I will never babysit for any of my grandchildren." And "I will never interfere in your raising of your grandchildren because my mother made it so hard for me when she contradicted me with Pam." She was talking to both me and my sister at the time because it was clear early on that Brother, her Hero Child, was never going to go on a date let alone get married.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, she never did babysit for me. I got very ill right after 37 was born, had a fever of 103, bleeding internally, and she was the first person I thought to call for a babysitter and she said, "No, I'm never going to babysit." We had to call my very sweet mother-in-law, who never got over how my mother disregarded that. BUT....when my sister had twins, my sister and her husband agreed to pay my mother a high salary plus insurance for her to babysit the twins and she did it. She grew very attached to the twins. And here is the biggest joke...she thought my sister was mean to one of the twins so she did exactly what my grandma had done for me...she took that child's side against my sister and she did it for years. Haha. Poor sis.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I have studied personality disorders before anyone knew what they really were and figured early on that this was what was going on in my family of meanies. I have decided, as a layperson of course, that Dad is a narcisstist (although I think anyone would agree) and that Mother was a borderline (ditto).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641698, member: 1550"] Cedar, I am convinced people with personality disorders, due to lack of empathy and a strange ability to be mean, are why parents seem alike. Get this. My mother was extremely jealous of my relationship with HER mother. Looking back I think Grandma had personality problems too, but actually not as bad as her daughter. Still, she liked to stir t he pot and the best way she could do that was to stick up for me, the black sheep child, and she did. In fact, she used to tell me I was her second favorite person in the world, the first being her a-hole, he-can-do-no-wrong son. When I told that to my mother, she yelled, "Well, honey, she left ME an inheritance NOT YOU!" She went ballistic. Maybe I shouldn't have told her, but that was back in the day before I didn't try to get back at those who were mean to me. I shouldn't have said that and would not have said that if I had been forty at the time, but it was before I understood the game I was involved in. The funny thing is, my mother always said, "I would never disrespect Grandma." She did whatever her mother said and only later in Grandma's life did they start arguing and my mom would tell her she loved her son more than her, blah, blah, blah. She also used to say, "I will never babysit for any of my grandchildren." And "I will never interfere in your raising of your grandchildren because my mother made it so hard for me when she contradicted me with Pam." She was talking to both me and my sister at the time because it was clear early on that Brother, her Hero Child, was never going to go on a date let alone get married. Anyhow, she never did babysit for me. I got very ill right after 37 was born, had a fever of 103, bleeding internally, and she was the first person I thought to call for a babysitter and she said, "No, I'm never going to babysit." We had to call my very sweet mother-in-law, who never got over how my mother disregarded that. BUT....when my sister had twins, my sister and her husband agreed to pay my mother a high salary plus insurance for her to babysit the twins and she did it. She grew very attached to the twins. And here is the biggest joke...she thought my sister was mean to one of the twins so she did exactly what my grandma had done for me...she took that child's side against my sister and she did it for years. Haha. Poor sis. Anyhow, I have studied personality disorders before anyone knew what they really were and figured early on that this was what was going on in my family of meanies. I have decided, as a layperson of course, that Dad is a narcisstist (although I think anyone would agree) and that Mother was a borderline (ditto). [/QUOTE]
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