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The Explosive Child - Putting "Plan B" into action..
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 249004" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>One of the most important things with Plan B, is starting very slowly and planning ahead. Be prepared to change projects if she's not able to work on those areas yet. For example, if you were trying to use Plan B to encourage a 6 month old baby to walk - the baby wouldn't be physically ready to do it.</p><p></p><p>So let's say you have put doing homework as the Plan B you want to implement. You would first prepare the ground. Try to set up some sort of motivation ahead of time "Your school wants you to do homework. I do understand that you find it challenging, but I want to help you do what needs to be done. How can I help?" and listen. You could suggest that maybe she could get on to homework as soon as she comes home from school; or maybe she could come home form school and spend half an hour playing a vigorous game, then settle to homework. But discuss it with her, what will work best? Get HER input into this. A suggestion I make, is for the mum to have snacks the child likes available, so the child settles to homework with a plate of snacks and a drink beside her.</p><p></p><p>Although I personally wouldn't be putting homework as the first thing in Plan B... but that's me. I just used it as an example.</p><p></p><p>The other thing I learned, is that the child who needs this kind of strategy is usually achild who cannot lern effectively to do as they're told. Instead, they need to learn to do as they're shown. So don't put politeness on the top of your list either. We learned to see "rudeness" as anxiety-driven, rather than disrespect-driven. We stopped reacting with "You can't talk to me this way!" (because he just did, so he can) but instead we say quietly, "I am not shouting at you or being rude to you; please do not be rude to me." And it took us time and patience to get to this stage.</p><p></p><p>Avoid being sarcastic to your child; often they don't get it and it only cofuses and angers. Avoid punishment that is revenge-motivated (we all tend to do it). Try to catch your child out being good, rather than be on the alert for breakdown in good behaviour needing punishment.</p><p></p><p>It takes practice and you won't always get it right. Just do the best you can and don't beat yourself up for the times when you slip up. Communicate with your child and be proactive where possible. Hopefully this will show fairly dramatic improvement for you, in the first few weeks. I hope so. But don't rush. Underneath it all, your child will still be a difficult child. All you will be doing, is making it easier for your child to please you. The child will still be limited by the dirorder tat is causing the problems in the first place. This isn't a cure, it's a way to help manage things.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 249004, member: 1991"] One of the most important things with Plan B, is starting very slowly and planning ahead. Be prepared to change projects if she's not able to work on those areas yet. For example, if you were trying to use Plan B to encourage a 6 month old baby to walk - the baby wouldn't be physically ready to do it. So let's say you have put doing homework as the Plan B you want to implement. You would first prepare the ground. Try to set up some sort of motivation ahead of time "Your school wants you to do homework. I do understand that you find it challenging, but I want to help you do what needs to be done. How can I help?" and listen. You could suggest that maybe she could get on to homework as soon as she comes home from school; or maybe she could come home form school and spend half an hour playing a vigorous game, then settle to homework. But discuss it with her, what will work best? Get HER input into this. A suggestion I make, is for the mum to have snacks the child likes available, so the child settles to homework with a plate of snacks and a drink beside her. Although I personally wouldn't be putting homework as the first thing in Plan B... but that's me. I just used it as an example. The other thing I learned, is that the child who needs this kind of strategy is usually achild who cannot lern effectively to do as they're told. Instead, they need to learn to do as they're shown. So don't put politeness on the top of your list either. We learned to see "rudeness" as anxiety-driven, rather than disrespect-driven. We stopped reacting with "You can't talk to me this way!" (because he just did, so he can) but instead we say quietly, "I am not shouting at you or being rude to you; please do not be rude to me." And it took us time and patience to get to this stage. Avoid being sarcastic to your child; often they don't get it and it only cofuses and angers. Avoid punishment that is revenge-motivated (we all tend to do it). Try to catch your child out being good, rather than be on the alert for breakdown in good behaviour needing punishment. It takes practice and you won't always get it right. Just do the best you can and don't beat yourself up for the times when you slip up. Communicate with your child and be proactive where possible. Hopefully this will show fairly dramatic improvement for you, in the first few weeks. I hope so. But don't rush. Underneath it all, your child will still be a difficult child. All you will be doing, is making it easier for your child to please you. The child will still be limited by the dirorder tat is causing the problems in the first place. This isn't a cure, it's a way to help manage things. Good luck! Marg [/QUOTE]
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