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General Parenting
The Explosive Child - Putting "Plan B" into action..
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 249061" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">We find that the plan B approach helps reduce the number or level of explosions, but is still only one of many tools needed.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">For us the following things work (sometimes):</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">When difficult child and younger easy child disagree on something, Plan B approach to reflect the feeling of each child, then present each child's concern and open discussion with a moderator approach really stops a building battle very effectively. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">But when difficult child is frustrated because he can not deal with the conflicts of his own wishes he is not open to a plan B approach. Changing his environment is the only thing effective. Get him out of the house and onto something (anything) different.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Sometimes when difficult child is building frustrations he will follow his brothers and pick constantly. These picks can only be tolerated for a short time. So separation is the most effective strategies to help.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Remaining calm and not getting to upset helps settle him down. Constantly remember teach by example. (very hard sometimes). Then forgive him and don't hang on the behavior. (I keep telling myself - I am supposed to be Christian. Christians are supposed to forgive. He was rude (or what else) because of his illness not meanness. The less I react negatively the more he seems to feel guilty and the more responsibility he takes for his actions. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">My husband has a co-worker whose daughter took her life. My husband and his co-worker spent many hours talking about the common problems her daughter had in common with our son. The co-worker stated that so many of their battles were over such little things. If she could do it again she would remember better where the important things are, and not let a small item become a major issue. So we do use plan C a lot. And we forgive the broken items and lost time. Because having or difficult child is more important. I've heard people complain that to much of plan C can lead to the child growing up to an adult that can't keep a job or remains disrespectful. Yep that is a possibility, but one that only knows how to fight won't be in a better position. My difficult child knows how to be respectful, he knows what is right. It is just his lack of ability to manage his frustrations that keep him from behaving as he knows he should. I hope he out grows it, but know I am trying my best.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Now after I have written all the answers I will go home this evening and he will prove that I don't know what I am talking about. Then I will come back hear to read everyone else's ideas and see if any might help. - Thanks for them.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 249061, member: 6557"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]We find that the plan B approach helps reduce the number or level of explosions, but is still only one of many tools needed.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]For us the following things work (sometimes):[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000][FONT=Times New Roman]When difficult child and younger easy child disagree on something, Plan B approach to reflect the feeling of each child, then present each child's concern and open discussion with a moderator approach really stops a building battle very effectively. [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]But when difficult child is frustrated because he can not deal with the conflicts of his own wishes he is not open to a plan B approach. Changing his environment is the only thing effective. Get him out of the house and onto something (anything) different.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Sometimes when difficult child is building frustrations he will follow his brothers and pick constantly. These picks can only be tolerated for a short time. So separation is the most effective strategies to help.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Remaining calm and not getting to upset helps settle him down. Constantly remember teach by example. (very hard sometimes). Then forgive him and don't hang on the behavior. (I keep telling myself - I am supposed to be Christian. Christians are supposed to forgive. He was rude (or what else) because of his illness not meanness. The less I react negatively the more he seems to feel guilty and the more responsibility he takes for his actions. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]My husband has a co-worker whose daughter took her life. My husband and his co-worker spent many hours talking about the common problems her daughter had in common with our son. The co-worker stated that so many of their battles were over such little things. If she could do it again she would remember better where the important things are, and not let a small item become a major issue. So we do use plan C a lot. And we forgive the broken items and lost time. Because having or difficult child is more important. I've heard people complain that to much of plan C can lead to the child growing up to an adult that can't keep a job or remains disrespectful. Yep that is a possibility, but one that only knows how to fight won't be in a better position. My difficult child knows how to be respectful, he knows what is right. It is just his lack of ability to manage his frustrations that keep him from behaving as he knows he should. I hope he out grows it, but know I am trying my best.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Now after I have written all the answers I will go home this evening and he will prove that I don't know what I am talking about. Then I will come back hear to read everyone else's ideas and see if any might help. - Thanks for them.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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