The fish is on the counter

[Shari]

Wee will not be with him to speak of for the next 3 weeks. This weekend, husband and I are camping with friends, no kids. You can bet this will be discussed.

One of the friends camping with us is a mechanic. I'm going to have a side-bar with him, just to be sure my "take" on husband being hard on the vehicles is accurate (and I think he'll be honest with me if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill with this). That will kind of direct the next move in the truck search, but assuming my concerns are valid, the truck search will be for the truck that I want, not what can withstand him.

He only got in 2 hours of screen time last night. One of which was before I got home. When I got home, I changed clothes, swapped loads of laundry, and headed into the bank. He folded the dry laundry and worked (some) on getting things in the camper, so that's a start. The kicker will be whether he's doing it to appease me for the moment, or doing it to make a real change in the situation.

Time will tell. He is a good man under this junk. This jerkwad is not the man I married. in my humble opinion, his parents failed him. Probably by doing to him what I watch them do to the grandkids....bail and baby. (and sister-in-law, for that matter...) Never allowing them to be responsible for themselves and always giving in to what they want (and never teaching him to organize ANYTHING). Ex-mother in law worked at the local school when husband attended there. They knew husband had problems reading, but Two Brooms adamantly denied anything wrong with her precious child. She blamed the teachers and everyone else for any problems he had and had no problems walking in and chewing someone a new one about it. Some of the teachers made accomodations for him by allowing him to use tapes instead of reading books or reading him the tests, without an IEP, but it was all done under the radar of Two Brooms...which is really, really sad.

But, the decision to do something about it, at this point, is his and his alone. I can be his mother, or I can be his partner, but I won't be both.

 

[susiestar]

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

Stay strong. This is likely to be very difficult for you. There will be a point where he starts throwing terrible words at you, much like one of our kids who has been firmly thwarted on something they have decided is going to happen. If you give in when he does it, or doubt yourself or think that ANYTHING he says at that time is true then you will lose the war. It will be an attempt to get you to give up and do things his way, ie take care of it all yourself.

His parents very much DID damage him, esp in the ways you mentioned. They taught him that there is something "wrong" with him because otherwise they would have been willing to allow teachers to help him. It is the message our different kids have when we won't allow them to get treatment to help learn that it is okay to be different and still try to get the job done. Regardless of the lessons his parents taught, it is still HIS job to fix it. I am very glad that you recognize that and I hope that you do NOT give in when he gets really difficult. He may even have some autistic traits, the way Wee does. If my father can learn to cope with his undx's aspergers (in many ways he fits the aspie diagnosis far far more than Wiz does, and Wiz is most certainly an Aspie) then your husband can learn to overcome whatever he needs to. Old dogs CAN learn new tricks!

You might even offer to find someone to help him with the dyslexia now. There are people who work to teach adults with dyslexia how to work with it. It is a thought.

I really hope he will wise up and be willing to change. The way he is treating you now is exactly as Marg says. She is also right in that you are BOTH teaching Wee, and cgfg, how men and women should treat each other.

I hope having him along does not fill your weekend with pouting and drama.

You are a strong, confident extremely capable woman. I understand why you want to get outside reinforcement of your opinion before you speak to husband about how he treats vehicles. You can trust your instincts on this, and on anything else though. You have more than enough evidence of how he treats vehicles and machinery of all kinds and you have NOT made mountains out of molehills. I hope the reassurance from this other mechanic will help you realize that your instincts, and deductions, are exactly on target.

Whatever happens, stand strong. Know that we are right there with you in spirit!If husband is too difficult about this don't be afraid to leave him there to find his own way home!! He can always call Mommy for a ride.