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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 368639" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Shari - </p><p> </p><p>Honey YOU don't TURN .......ANYONE into ANYTHING. THEY do that all on their own. Just like you - No one has MADE you be anything - no one, you allowed yourself to (fill in the blank) and some things you did because either you felt you had to, or you didn't know you didn't have to and that's where frustration sets in. (oh do I know) because we ALL do it to some varying degrees, and then we get counseling, and start anew and life is great and then we have the world by a string and then as time goes by it seems our lives become a blend of the old and what we learn new.....and it's like 2 steps forward one step back. (make sense?) - I don't think I'd look at it as a failure - but a learning process. In my case? The excuse I made for nearly 4 years was Dude needs two parents - not even Dude needs a Dad. I worried about the collateral damage so much I stayed. Now look at that idgeet. I could just throttle him. I can't say keeping him from his Dad did no good - but in my case keeping ME from him did. I got on with my life. Sometimes you have to just be a little selfish and say "I'm going to do this for me this time." </p><p> </p><p>I too had inlaws that hated me - OMG did they hate me. I tried everything I could to fit in - and it sounds like we're very similar in our wants to 'please' and fit in....but after so many years of "HE", "HIM", "NOT YOU", it just kinda builds up and eventually like you say - couldn't care less. By the time they do figure out that they made a huge mistake excluding you? It's too late for you - and unless you're somewhere close to St. hood? Forgiveness isn't even a part of the picture. I mean when I found out my ex mother in law's own kids ran her over with her own mini-van and they all covered for her and told this elaborate story to the police? I just couldn't even tell you that I shed a tear or was in shock - it was almost ironic - for all the years she saw me in and out of the ICU and even beaten unreckognizable? She threatened me with "THIS family solves it's own problems and we don't call the police - ever! You got that?" I mean - it was as if I counted for less than nothing...I had broken bones in my face, hands, ribs -missing teeth - and swollen eyes and she's telling me no police? ---So yeah I understand about getting to that point and not caring about them. Since then? I've found a way to forgive and move on - wasn't easy - and certainly didn't do it for any of them. I did it for my own peace of mind and soul. You will too eventually. </p><p> </p><p>As far as he goes? Well - (exhale sigh) Girlfriend - I can't say what to do.....It's more than obvious you have been miserable for so long. I think the money I earned from that sign? I'd pocket. Camping trip would be the last thing on my mind. That's more work than you need, and you're the only one I ever hear that pitches in to do it all - I'd take that money and put it back for my rainy day fund. (start one) . I don't think a smaller day camping trip would kill anyone. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the beer and his coolers and this taking care of all his forgotten stuff? -----Why don't you forget about it? He's a grown man - beer is not essential part of life. So if he leaves 3 coolers to rot in the sun....they rot. I'd be hanged if I'd go out in the drive and do a thing about it. Not being mean - just being grown up. Let the man do for himself. Can't tell you how many other couples in the world DO NOT share vehicles (raises hand) Um.....remember DF wrecked my SUV? Then I put a motor in my then 14 year old SUV without AC.....and now it's 20 years old and the last time he drove it? OMG he ripped the seat, and his buddy burned my cup holder because he SMOKED IN IT (OH that's okay just roll the window down) OH H NO IT ISN'T I DON"T SMOKE....and someone had better take their kiester to the junkyard THIS WEEK by XX and get me a replacement console....I mean it's bad enough - the windows don't go down - (I bought another SUV same year to get the motors out of and well - he said he could do it and can't) so there it sits in the back yard - nice) and FINALLY my son replaced the headliner. OH Man 1/2 the clips are broken -"DEAL WITH IT MOM". and then I got a replacement Compressor - and That nearly killed him and his buddy - trying to put that in because there was trash in the system so I won't EVER have an ac - and now I dont' have a window washer fluid holder - (they took the one out of the 2nd SUV cause the old one had a crack and this one got flying metal in it and is now laying on the ground in the drive) and do you think I'l pickin' it up? OH NO MAaaaaam. Sucker's been there for 4 months. I left it as a reminder he has no mechanical abilities. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So SOME things - you have to be willing to be blind-eyed to-----and then there are those times you just have to be a mean woman and say "MY CAR?" MY CAR? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ------(sounding like Snoopy on Peanuts) hahaha....hahhahahahaha......hahahahahah) and look at him and keep laughing all the way out the door while dropping your keys in your bra.....hahahaah...........adding MY CAR HATES YOU......hahaha. </p><p> </p><p>she does too ---------</p><p> </p><p>hahahahaha.........</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there kiddo........get a plan......get back in counseling.......get yourself some goals........and work towards them. FOR YOURSELF. HUGS.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 368639, member: 4964"] Shari - Honey YOU don't TURN .......ANYONE into ANYTHING. THEY do that all on their own. Just like you - No one has MADE you be anything - no one, you allowed yourself to (fill in the blank) and some things you did because either you felt you had to, or you didn't know you didn't have to and that's where frustration sets in. (oh do I know) because we ALL do it to some varying degrees, and then we get counseling, and start anew and life is great and then we have the world by a string and then as time goes by it seems our lives become a blend of the old and what we learn new.....and it's like 2 steps forward one step back. (make sense?) - I don't think I'd look at it as a failure - but a learning process. In my case? The excuse I made for nearly 4 years was Dude needs two parents - not even Dude needs a Dad. I worried about the collateral damage so much I stayed. Now look at that idgeet. I could just throttle him. I can't say keeping him from his Dad did no good - but in my case keeping ME from him did. I got on with my life. Sometimes you have to just be a little selfish and say "I'm going to do this for me this time." I too had inlaws that hated me - OMG did they hate me. I tried everything I could to fit in - and it sounds like we're very similar in our wants to 'please' and fit in....but after so many years of "HE", "HIM", "NOT YOU", it just kinda builds up and eventually like you say - couldn't care less. By the time they do figure out that they made a huge mistake excluding you? It's too late for you - and unless you're somewhere close to St. hood? Forgiveness isn't even a part of the picture. I mean when I found out my ex mother in law's own kids ran her over with her own mini-van and they all covered for her and told this elaborate story to the police? I just couldn't even tell you that I shed a tear or was in shock - it was almost ironic - for all the years she saw me in and out of the ICU and even beaten unreckognizable? She threatened me with "THIS family solves it's own problems and we don't call the police - ever! You got that?" I mean - it was as if I counted for less than nothing...I had broken bones in my face, hands, ribs -missing teeth - and swollen eyes and she's telling me no police? ---So yeah I understand about getting to that point and not caring about them. Since then? I've found a way to forgive and move on - wasn't easy - and certainly didn't do it for any of them. I did it for my own peace of mind and soul. You will too eventually. As far as he goes? Well - (exhale sigh) Girlfriend - I can't say what to do.....It's more than obvious you have been miserable for so long. I think the money I earned from that sign? I'd pocket. Camping trip would be the last thing on my mind. That's more work than you need, and you're the only one I ever hear that pitches in to do it all - I'd take that money and put it back for my rainy day fund. (start one) . I don't think a smaller day camping trip would kill anyone. As far as the beer and his coolers and this taking care of all his forgotten stuff? -----Why don't you forget about it? He's a grown man - beer is not essential part of life. So if he leaves 3 coolers to rot in the sun....they rot. I'd be hanged if I'd go out in the drive and do a thing about it. Not being mean - just being grown up. Let the man do for himself. Can't tell you how many other couples in the world DO NOT share vehicles (raises hand) Um.....remember DF wrecked my SUV? Then I put a motor in my then 14 year old SUV without AC.....and now it's 20 years old and the last time he drove it? OMG he ripped the seat, and his buddy burned my cup holder because he SMOKED IN IT (OH that's okay just roll the window down) OH H NO IT ISN'T I DON"T SMOKE....and someone had better take their kiester to the junkyard THIS WEEK by XX and get me a replacement console....I mean it's bad enough - the windows don't go down - (I bought another SUV same year to get the motors out of and well - he said he could do it and can't) so there it sits in the back yard - nice) and FINALLY my son replaced the headliner. OH Man 1/2 the clips are broken -"DEAL WITH IT MOM". and then I got a replacement Compressor - and That nearly killed him and his buddy - trying to put that in because there was trash in the system so I won't EVER have an ac - and now I dont' have a window washer fluid holder - (they took the one out of the 2nd SUV cause the old one had a crack and this one got flying metal in it and is now laying on the ground in the drive) and do you think I'l pickin' it up? OH NO MAaaaaam. Sucker's been there for 4 months. I left it as a reminder he has no mechanical abilities. So SOME things - you have to be willing to be blind-eyed to-----and then there are those times you just have to be a mean woman and say "MY CAR?" MY CAR? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ------(sounding like Snoopy on Peanuts) hahaha....hahhahahahaha......hahahahahah) and look at him and keep laughing all the way out the door while dropping your keys in your bra.....hahahaah...........adding MY CAR HATES YOU......hahaha. she does too --------- hahahahaha......... Hang in there kiddo........get a plan......get back in counseling.......get yourself some goals........and work towards them. FOR YOURSELF. HUGS. [/QUOTE]
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