the full moon and too little too late

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by antsmom, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    a mixed bag here:
    kaleb's mom called and missed him after almost 3 weeks. wouldnt ya think you would miss your only child and yet a 3 yr old sooner than that??? :crazy2:

    she wanted me to bring him all the way back to her house yesterday (a six hr round trip). I told her she can meet me halfway today. she arranged a ride and will get him back about noon today. I hate to give him back, but will get him again in about two weeks for a long visit again, I assume.

    ant decided yesterday he was going to straighten up his act. hence the too lil too late... :rolleyes: :hammer:
    he went to an AA mtg last night and said he felt like a million bucks this morning because he didnt drink. he has been drinking a case of beer a day he said. he is trying to sell his couch and loveseat and some other stuff before he goes to jail october 17th. he put some stuff in the Pennysaver. I sent him some boxes to box up other stuff and get ready to go.

    must be the full moon
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Kaleb's mom must be a real treat. Sometimes all we can do is shake our head. My mom keeps my nephew overnight everyother week, the poor kid has gone thru a lot and is only 6. He started first grade this year, and his mom wanted grandma to take him on the first day of school. Really upset my mom, as school should be special. Does not even compare to forgetting your 3yr old for 3 weeks.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm glad you have Kaleb. Three weeks? Did she call or anything during that time? If she didn't and just now wants him it makes me wonder what "benefit" she's getting from having him around. You have the patience of a Saint Janet. I mean it.

    Ant, dear....I am sorry that you can't seem to get control over the alcohol. I guess not much has changed since I wrote you in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but know that I'm still praying for you and your family. Someday I'd like to see you be the powerful one in your life. Many Hugs Aunti Star.

    Ya'll just amaze me. I don't (truly) know how you keep doing it.

    Hugs & Love
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    3 Weeks and she didn't call? I could see it if she arranged the 3 weeks, but wasn't the "visit" supposed to be 2 weeks? If it were anyone else she left Kaleb with andjust forgot, it woudl be child abandonment. Please keep a detailed record of when you have Kaleb, when she calls to talk to him, when she calls and doesn't talk to him, and how often she doesn't pick him up on the scheduled day.

    You may need this info tosave Kaleb from whatever she is getting into. This info may be necessary to keep Kaleb safe. I am very worried about what she does to take care of him when she has him.

    Kaleb is very blessed to have you. I hope ant someday will become the strong father that he needs to be.


  5. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Even if it seems "too little too late" I am SO GLAD to hear Ant hit an AA's the beginning step and in my opinion it's never too late to do the "next right thing".

    I'm so glad Kaleb has you in his life...don't know WHAT to say about his mother. I think Susie's right that you should keep a detailed record of her behavior, her lack of concern/care giving, how long you have him etc. At some point CPS may be involved and your records may serve to help you help Kaleb.

    hugs and care,
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I recently read that "some" experts think that Aspergers can be
    triggered by lack of emotional connection and lack of a sense of
    safety in early childhood. Our difficult child with AS spent the majority of
    his early years with his biomom. He was not starved to death or
    beaten etc. but he was always like "an after thought". His Mom
    left him with whoever would keep him when she had a chance to go
    out...or save money by not hiring a babysitter.

    husband and I absorbed easy child/difficult child so he was always surrounded by love and
    safety. Even though he has addiction problems, he is a confident
    person who makes friends easily. We refused to take subsequent
    children full time. difficult child will never be a confident happy person
    because of his early years. He lived with us five days a week
    for perhaps two years between 4 and 10 and he has lived with us
    from eleven on. He still loves his Mom. He still worries about
    his Mom. He still spends one or two night with "mommy" but he
    will never get over the early years. I expect Kaleb will be the
    same way. It is so blankin' sad. DDD
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    kaleb loves his mother. he screamed "mommy!!" when he saw her and ran and hugged her. I suspect he is the adult in their house.

    I do keep records of when I have Kaleb. she never calls when he visits, he was to stay 10 days this time. we had set a day to go back but she cancelled. yesterday she decided she wanted him back. dont know why.

    most of his visits she yelled at me for bothering her when he is here. she said I should not call her when he is here even if he asks for her because it is her free time. when he is in her care she is not there much at all. he stays with a neighbor who has 4 kids upstairs of her project housing. in fact she works as a night turn bartender, and is gone 5pm til 3AM daily, and if on day shift, is gone 10am til 8pm. she goes to work early and stays late as she has no car and rides with whomever will take her there. it is too far to walk to the rural bar she works in outside the town limits.

    susie, in his life, I have called CYS on her three times. I was told unless he has a broken bone or is left completely alone, nothing can be done. it is not abandonment when she leaves him with anyone at all. our laws do not protect the children.

    ant never pays child support either. he is no better a dad than she is a mom. both parents hug and kiss him and buy him candy and toys--now and then-- nothing else. to his credit, kaleb is a lovable outgoing child. I wish I had a penny for every time he called "Nunny" to me while he was
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    how sad that she does that with her son. Three weeks and not even a call? That would tear me up to not have my kids around for three weeks. She is a very selfish girl.
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I don't want to think about what could happen to Kaleb without you in his life.

    As for Kaleb's mother, she doesn't deserve to have him!!!

    As for Ant, I'm so sorry!!! I haven't been able to spend much time here and had no idea he is going back to jail. I'm going to pray for him that this will be the wake-up call that will finally get him to stop drinking once and for all.

    Sending cyber hugs. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you... WFEN
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Three weeks and doesn't want to hear from him when you have him- :slap: :slap:

    I'm glad Ant went to the AA meeting-hoping it sticks this time. Hugs.
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, I may be thinking ahead a little bit here, but are you eventually going to try to get custody of Kaleb? Or at least where he officially lives with you and only "visits" his mom? In two years he'll be starting school and won't be able to spend a few weeks here and a few weeks there like he's been doing. He would be so much better off with you full time.

    I just can't understand a mother only wanting to be with her child part time, and not wanting him to infringe on her "ME time"! It sounds like she's finding him to be more and more of a burden, cramping her style! Maybe because I waited so long to have kids, but I never wanted to be away from mine! I couldn't stand to not have them with me. I didn't even trust their grandma or their aunts to take care of them! It's just very hard for me to understand her attitude.
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I said a special prayer for Ant at my meeting today. I am SO excited to hear that he hit a meeting!
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sad. I can only shake my head.
    Glad Ant went to the mtng. I've got my fingers crossed.
  14. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    We never know when the Miracle will happen in AA.....

    You know ant has been my "moment of silence" at each meeting I've gone to for the past several years.

  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess better late then never applies to both of these young adults. I am glad Ant FEELS GOOD about being sober. He needs to find a way to capture this feeling and resurface it often.
  16. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I truly think ant is only doing this because he knows he will go thru withdraw in jail if he doesnt dry up before he goes in. he always go to church ONCE when he gets in trouble and seeks to make amends and toe the line when he is caught. I had a talk with him and told him that there is not one other thing I can say to him or do for him. nothing has stopped him. I told him since he was born I have tried to do the right thing and get him to do so also. I told him I am done. he said "you cant be done, you are my mom, you can never be done"

    I told him I will not participate in his life as it is. I am angry and embarassed by him. I told him people ask me about him and now I have to tell them he is still a drunk and going to jail yet again. I also told him I hate that he has a nice place, and once more his things have to be moved and I will have to store them for him. been there done that many times over the past 6 yrs. tired of it.

    He still lies to me and manipulates the situation every chance he gets. he fakes being sick a lot of kaleb's visit with me so he would not have to see him. meanwhile he was at clubs and spent 200.00 at a concert...on beer. he stopped paying his fines last month or so. he is only digger a bigger hole to fall in again.

    I would love to get custody of Kaleb but as I have stated here time and again..after consulting a lawyer, the police, CYS, seems nothing can be done legally yet. I am hoping with him staying with me for longer and longer visits his mother will gradually one of these times not get him again because she loves her freedom. even though it is hard on Kaleb, I am hoping his bonding with me will help his transition more and more til he is old enough to ask himself if he can stay with me, some time before he goes to school.
  17. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I would like to be face to face with Danielle just once. :grrr:
    I miss my daughter after only being gone 5 minutes. I call her everyday after school when I am working. When my son was little and I was a single mother my sister used to get mad at me because when she had him I would call all the time like 3 or 4 times a day she said I had a problem. then I stopped letting her take him.

    Have you approached her with the idea that you would not tell welfare that she didnt have him and letting her keep her benefits if he could live with you? she could visit him etc... remind her that she could work more and not have to pay daycare or get babysitters and she could see him whenever she wanted. IF it sounds like your doing it for her and not that she is a loser she might go for it. Even if its to keep him longer and more regularly. I hate her

  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    grace, I called up there today to talk to him. he was not home but she was. she sent him to the neighbors for the day, and he slept there last night too. grrr
    I have told her she would be able to finish her education and work more, hang with her friends and he could have a nice program signed up down here. she never answers me. she sees no problem, as her mom raised her the same...she was never there for her and still never is.
  19. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm with Grace. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I read about what she does to that baby. When you could be giving him stability, predictability, and consistency, which is what a child needs to thrive.

  20. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    It is as it is. It is not as we think it should be. I have the best of faith that kaleb will survive, and thrive, no matter what.

    he is a tough little man. he knows more than his parents think he does. he may not have the stable life he should have with his mother, but he knows his Nunny loves him!!

    ((((HUGS))) and kisses to k-man!