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General Parenting
The guilt is unbearable.
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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 135278" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>Sara,</p><p> </p><p>Welcome. I am also new to the forum, but have found so much support and comfort. I hope you find it here too! You may want to read some of the older posts - they have a lot of helpful info and insights. </p><p> </p><p>I totally understand the guilt part. My son is 18 and has been tormenting me for about the last 2 years. He will say any mean and horrible thing to engage me in a fight. At first I was unprepared. I would argue back and cry and just escalate the commotion. But through research and therapy and talking to others, I realized that I can not control him, only me, and that my actions were only making a bad situation worse. I learned to say "Don't talk to me that way, I don't like it" or "I won't talk to you when you are swearing at me" Then disconnect and walk away. Clean a drawer, do some wash, take a walk. Anything that keeps you busy and shows him you will not be sucked into his drama. (I have gotten more cupboards cleaned this way!!)</p><p> </p><p>Now of course his words still hurt. I may have a little "breakdown" after he leaves. It wounds you to the core to have the very same person who you spent so much time and effort on - loved so much - made easter baskets, sent packages to at camp, watched at school plays, held while he was sick, love and worry about every day - tell you he rejects you and your love. That it what is so heartbreaking. On the positive side, although we always fight in person, he will text message me alot. Some of our best communication is thru texting. I save and treasure these little triumphs --- little nuggets or what was and what could be...</p><p> </p><p>Stay strong Sara! We all know how hard it is and how much you have to go through. Sending (((Hugs))) your way!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 135278, member: 4772"] Sara, Welcome. I am also new to the forum, but have found so much support and comfort. I hope you find it here too! You may want to read some of the older posts - they have a lot of helpful info and insights. I totally understand the guilt part. My son is 18 and has been tormenting me for about the last 2 years. He will say any mean and horrible thing to engage me in a fight. At first I was unprepared. I would argue back and cry and just escalate the commotion. But through research and therapy and talking to others, I realized that I can not control him, only me, and that my actions were only making a bad situation worse. I learned to say "Don't talk to me that way, I don't like it" or "I won't talk to you when you are swearing at me" Then disconnect and walk away. Clean a drawer, do some wash, take a walk. Anything that keeps you busy and shows him you will not be sucked into his drama. (I have gotten more cupboards cleaned this way!!) Now of course his words still hurt. I may have a little "breakdown" after he leaves. It wounds you to the core to have the very same person who you spent so much time and effort on - loved so much - made easter baskets, sent packages to at camp, watched at school plays, held while he was sick, love and worry about every day - tell you he rejects you and your love. That it what is so heartbreaking. On the positive side, although we always fight in person, he will text message me alot. Some of our best communication is thru texting. I save and treasure these little triumphs --- little nuggets or what was and what could be... Stay strong Sara! We all know how hard it is and how much you have to go through. Sending (((Hugs))) your way! [/QUOTE]
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The guilt is unbearable.
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