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General Parenting
The guilt is unbearable.
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<blockquote data-quote="looking4hope" data-source="post: 135367" data-attributes="member: 4362"><p>Sara:</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site! I was born in Iowa, and have cousins in Wisconsin, so I hope the cold, dreary weather isn't adding to the guilt and depression that you feel.</p><p></p><p>I am also divorced, and for the first couple of years, my DEX did the same as yours. Everything was my fault (even though he left!!), and difficult child's behavior had to be because I was a horrible parent. He has, and continues, to threaten to take my son away, although we both know that the court's would never allow it (long story). </p><p></p><p>Anyway, the breakthrough came when I insisted that DEX take the difficult child for two weeks in the summer, as per the court order. In the three years prior to that, DEX had never complied and I didn't argue. But I was tired and battle weary, and wanted to give DEX a taste of what I went through daily. Well, DEX came around during that time. I was getting multiple phone calls daily about how to handle difficult child's outbursts. I found out that DEX and his live-in hit difficult child from difficult child, and DEX admitted it, so I called CPS. They were hitting difficult child to try and control his behavior. Now DEX is on board, and agreed to have difficult child hospitalized, which helped immensely.</p><p></p><p>I guess my advice is to finally tell your DEX that if he feels he can handle it better, let him do it for a while. Don't give up custody, just write an amendment that gives him primary custody for 15 to 30 days and see what happens. It worked for me, and it took less than a week!</p><p></p><p>Also, you need to get some support. See if there's a group for parents through his counselor or psychiatrist. And if difficult child's medications aren't right, then admit him to a psychiatric hospital for an adjustment. Do not let him bully you! You have support here, too. We will all help you to develop a backbone. It's hard work, but we've all been there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="looking4hope, post: 135367, member: 4362"] Sara: Welcome to the site! I was born in Iowa, and have cousins in Wisconsin, so I hope the cold, dreary weather isn't adding to the guilt and depression that you feel. I am also divorced, and for the first couple of years, my DEX did the same as yours. Everything was my fault (even though he left!!), and difficult child's behavior had to be because I was a horrible parent. He has, and continues, to threaten to take my son away, although we both know that the court's would never allow it (long story). Anyway, the breakthrough came when I insisted that DEX take the difficult child for two weeks in the summer, as per the court order. In the three years prior to that, DEX had never complied and I didn't argue. But I was tired and battle weary, and wanted to give DEX a taste of what I went through daily. Well, DEX came around during that time. I was getting multiple phone calls daily about how to handle difficult child's outbursts. I found out that DEX and his live-in hit difficult child from difficult child, and DEX admitted it, so I called CPS. They were hitting difficult child to try and control his behavior. Now DEX is on board, and agreed to have difficult child hospitalized, which helped immensely. I guess my advice is to finally tell your DEX that if he feels he can handle it better, let him do it for a while. Don't give up custody, just write an amendment that gives him primary custody for 15 to 30 days and see what happens. It worked for me, and it took less than a week! Also, you need to get some support. See if there's a group for parents through his counselor or psychiatrist. And if difficult child's medications aren't right, then admit him to a psychiatric hospital for an adjustment. Do not let him bully you! You have support here, too. We will all help you to develop a backbone. It's hard work, but we've all been there. My thoughts and prayers are with you. [/QUOTE]
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