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The higher the heel, the closer to God :O)
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 602591" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I have seen some surprising changes in myself too, Recovering. There is a strong, clear-eyed part of me awake, now. Without emotional entanglement, I can understand, with a shrug, the term "unacceptable."</p><p></p><p>In the past, I have always "understood", have always had compassion for, unacceptable behaviors. Now? There is a boundary, crystal clear, as you said. There isn't anything especially emotional about it. Some things are simply unacceptable to me. What the other guy does about that is up to him. I'm not talking about my daughter, specifically. I am talking about suddenly seeing life in a very different way.</p><p></p><p>And some things are, simply, unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>This is unusual for me. To see things that way, I mean. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I am absolutely comfortable with whatever position I take. Part of it is feeling less judged. Interestingly enough, the reason I feel less judged is because I no longer judge myself so harshly for what has happened.</p><p></p><p>It was a choice to try to do that, to try to learn how to change my internal dialogue.</p><p></p><p>A sincere thank you to everyone on the site, that I was able to accept myself well enough to make these attempts at healing.</p><p></p><p>Part of it is having found safe harbor within myself. I am still learning the parameters of that one. It seems that I may have lived my life seeking affirmation "out there." I do believe that young women, especially, come to understand personal power, personal value, as a thing that comes from outside themselves. Could it be that, as long as we get the man, as long as our children are beautiful and perfect, as long as we remain attractive, we don't go any deeper? </p><p></p><p>It does very much feel like being awake, now.</p><p></p><p>Having experienced one tiny awakening, I understand I may be asleep at the wheel in other areas of my life, too. Buddha is supposed to have said something similar, right? I think it was when he came to, under whatever tree it was that he'd been sitting under. Someone asked what had changed, and he said "I am awake."</p><p></p><p>The answer to that one, of course, is "So you believe." </p><p></p><p>Clear eyed, a very clear line...those are good analogies for the way this feels.</p><p></p><p>Determination is in there, too.</p><p></p><p>A thousand times a day, I become aware of negative judgments I am making. About myself; about myself in relation to difficult child. About husband. About the task I am engaged in. You are right. It is a conscious choice to negate those negatives. I don't think we can do it though, until we are really there. </p><p></p><p>What is the green juice called, Recovering?</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 602591, member: 1721"] I have seen some surprising changes in myself too, Recovering. There is a strong, clear-eyed part of me awake, now. Without emotional entanglement, I can understand, with a shrug, the term "unacceptable." In the past, I have always "understood", have always had compassion for, unacceptable behaviors. Now? There is a boundary, crystal clear, as you said. There isn't anything especially emotional about it. Some things are simply unacceptable to me. What the other guy does about that is up to him. I'm not talking about my daughter, specifically. I am talking about suddenly seeing life in a very different way. And some things are, simply, unacceptable. This is unusual for me. To see things that way, I mean. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I am absolutely comfortable with whatever position I take. Part of it is feeling less judged. Interestingly enough, the reason I feel less judged is because I no longer judge myself so harshly for what has happened. It was a choice to try to do that, to try to learn how to change my internal dialogue. A sincere thank you to everyone on the site, that I was able to accept myself well enough to make these attempts at healing. Part of it is having found safe harbor within myself. I am still learning the parameters of that one. It seems that I may have lived my life seeking affirmation "out there." I do believe that young women, especially, come to understand personal power, personal value, as a thing that comes from outside themselves. Could it be that, as long as we get the man, as long as our children are beautiful and perfect, as long as we remain attractive, we don't go any deeper? It does very much feel like being awake, now. Having experienced one tiny awakening, I understand I may be asleep at the wheel in other areas of my life, too. Buddha is supposed to have said something similar, right? I think it was when he came to, under whatever tree it was that he'd been sitting under. Someone asked what had changed, and he said "I am awake." The answer to that one, of course, is "So you believe." Clear eyed, a very clear line...those are good analogies for the way this feels. Determination is in there, too. A thousand times a day, I become aware of negative judgments I am making. About myself; about myself in relation to difficult child. About husband. About the task I am engaged in. You are right. It is a conscious choice to negate those negatives. I don't think we can do it though, until we are really there. What is the green juice called, Recovering? Barbara [/QUOTE]
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