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General Parenting
"The Kid's Game"--ODD strategy
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 321765" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>We were not given it as a game, but as a parenting exercise. One parent takes care of the other siblings and one parent spends 30 minutes with the difficult child (we did it with each kid - 1 kid per day, 2 or 3 on sat and sun) doing an activity the difficult child picks that costs no money.</p><p></p><p>That rule is so that you don't get into squabbles like how many ice cream scoops or candy bars, and so that you don't end up spending $ you don't have on museums and movies, etc....</p><p></p><p>No electronic screens or sounds. Period. This is so that you can focus on each other as much as the activity. </p><p></p><p>While you play a game listen to your child. If nothing is being said, don't ask questions. Narrate instead. The narrator in Winnie the Pooh never says anything that Pooh or Rabbit or Eeyore interacts with. Instead, you simply state what he is doing. "Black checker hopped 3 red checkers" without any inflection, good job comments or comments that show another way he could have moved. A simple statement of fact.</p><p></p><p>Wiz and I had a blast during these times. Same with the other kids and I. husband had a hard time. He was constantly ready for Wiz to do something embarrassing, inappropriate or dangerous. So he jumped at every little thing, spoke curtly and had several sessions where Wiz stormed off in tears because husband said something critical, or with a tone of voice that sounded like criticism.</p><p></p><p>I ended up sending the others to a friend's house and watching husband and Wiz in a session and then having several with them where I modelled what should be happening and guided husband as he tried it. It was hard work for both of them, but it did a LOT to improve their relationship.</p><p></p><p>Guys get tied up more in the embarrassing/inappropriate stuff our kids do. Often one small act or outburst can "ruin" an entire day in their minds. husband would say a day was horrible if Wiz cried on the way home after a full day at a kids' museum or if Wiz started yelling at us after a movie because we wouldn't buy more popcorn to take home. That 5 minutes to 30 minutes of problems could mean 10-12 hours or more of great behavior didn't count.</p><p></p><p>Working with husband to have him SEE this pattern and then learn to change it was just a hard as teaching Wiz to use appropriate behavior, if not harder.</p><p></p><p>That is one thing this "game" is designed to help. It also helps you see what is going on with your child and how he thinks.</p><p></p><p>I think that no matter what they call it, this is a big help and a powerful tool.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 321765, member: 1233"] We were not given it as a game, but as a parenting exercise. One parent takes care of the other siblings and one parent spends 30 minutes with the difficult child (we did it with each kid - 1 kid per day, 2 or 3 on sat and sun) doing an activity the difficult child picks that costs no money. That rule is so that you don't get into squabbles like how many ice cream scoops or candy bars, and so that you don't end up spending $ you don't have on museums and movies, etc.... No electronic screens or sounds. Period. This is so that you can focus on each other as much as the activity. While you play a game listen to your child. If nothing is being said, don't ask questions. Narrate instead. The narrator in Winnie the Pooh never says anything that Pooh or Rabbit or Eeyore interacts with. Instead, you simply state what he is doing. "Black checker hopped 3 red checkers" without any inflection, good job comments or comments that show another way he could have moved. A simple statement of fact. Wiz and I had a blast during these times. Same with the other kids and I. husband had a hard time. He was constantly ready for Wiz to do something embarrassing, inappropriate or dangerous. So he jumped at every little thing, spoke curtly and had several sessions where Wiz stormed off in tears because husband said something critical, or with a tone of voice that sounded like criticism. I ended up sending the others to a friend's house and watching husband and Wiz in a session and then having several with them where I modelled what should be happening and guided husband as he tried it. It was hard work for both of them, but it did a LOT to improve their relationship. Guys get tied up more in the embarrassing/inappropriate stuff our kids do. Often one small act or outburst can "ruin" an entire day in their minds. husband would say a day was horrible if Wiz cried on the way home after a full day at a kids' museum or if Wiz started yelling at us after a movie because we wouldn't buy more popcorn to take home. That 5 minutes to 30 minutes of problems could mean 10-12 hours or more of great behavior didn't count. Working with husband to have him SEE this pattern and then learn to change it was just a hard as teaching Wiz to use appropriate behavior, if not harder. That is one thing this "game" is designed to help. It also helps you see what is going on with your child and how he thinks. I think that no matter what they call it, this is a big help and a powerful tool. [/QUOTE]
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