The letter from the police - unbelievable

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, May 17, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So, as many of you may remember - I filed a formal complaint with the police after H.s death, regarding the manner in which they verbally harassed me. (They were under the assumption that I had "leaked information to the press" regarding H. when she was missing - and verbally harassed and threatened me that if I "leaked any more info I would be sorry.")

    So, I guess, I did not really think much would come of my formal complaint - and I had tried to let it all go - because really the grieving of my sister is more important than fighting a losing battle with the beauracy. However, yesterday I got a letter telling me my complaint had been closed - and it went on to list the reasons as to why. Every single one of the reasons was a LIE. And I do not say that lightly.

    They said it was closed because "I never returned their calls." Wrong. Really, really wrong. Of course I made many calls, otherwise these charges would not have happened. This Sgt never returned MY calls! And closed because the Sgt overheard the interrogation of his Detective and he deemed no harassment. Are you freaking kidding me??? The cop told me that if I opened my mouth again about H.'s case to anyone, he would take me down, and expose my past to everyone that mattered. His exact words.

    I am so mad! And I feel so victimized! And I feel so disillusioned. Somehow, I thought that at least our law had integrity. I am not sure why I thought that - I guess I just wanted to trust - because if we cannot trust the law, who can we trust?

    And H.!!!! Holy batman - she would have gone on for hours on her soapbox about something like this. It seems such an unfitting oxymoron for this piece to be part of her death. She could not stand the blatant victimization certain members of our society feel - and to have me part of it - in her death - is almost too much for me.

    And she could not stand how my parents always lied and stayed in denial about the crazymaking cr@p they did to us - and of course - my parents think this detective is the best thing since sliced bread. Not once did they call him on his antics and actions towards their only remaining daughter. Again, H. might have pinched my parent's heads off if she had been a witness to it all.

    And the worst part is that I feel crazy for even posting this. As if this really was some made up story in my head - because after all - the police are saying it never happened - and my parents say it never happened - so..............crazymaking. Pure and simple. At least I am old and wise enough to finally call a spade a spade.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Steely, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to make of this, without sounding compeltely paranoid. Are they doing anything currently on H's case or are they considering the entire situation a closed case?

    HUGS- again, I'm sorry and just don't know what else I can say- I don't understand it, but it doesn't seem to add up. Maybe someday some answers will come out. Do you know any investigators (private) or attny's there that you could just call and asked them their take on it all?
  3. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Oh, steely, I had hoped maybe the police etc THERE might be better than the ones hERE. SOunds like they are about the same. It always hits me hard when I see ours treat victims and witnesses worse than they treat the suspects.....literally, so much worse. The police here do, the court does, the states attorneys do, and the prosecutors do. It is truly awful here. I kept hoping it was only here that was like this. I am so sorry you had to have that kind of experience to go with what was already an excrutiating experience. :-(
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I believe you! :)
    husband's arrest almost 2 years ago, in Chicago was so full of suspicious BS... his Attorney who had worked for the PD, was incensed at the whole story!!! husband assault someone!!! LOL... maybe defend himself. He is the most passive, sweet person in the world. Even drunk... The Cops story was so full of holes...
    I am sorry you have to "re-live" this, just as you are working through it.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son is a member of a police force and even he says most of them cant be trusted! He is constantly telling us to never open our mouths to a cop without a lawyer present...or him present. Unfortunately Cory hasnt listened to him and that has cost him dearly.

    The cops here are the same way. Crooked. One of the charges Cory got convicted of was because the cops picked him up and held him and told him that unless he told them what they wanted to hear that they would lock him up for years. They told him what to write down on a statement and then he could go home without posting any bail. Interesting isnt it. Also interesting that when he implicated other people...people that they told him were involved...those other people were never picked up and arrested! Only Cory. Cory should have kept quiet and demanded his lawyer...they couldnt have kept him without evidence but he was stupid and not even 20 at the time.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((((Hugs)))) Steely.

    It's a sad world in which you can't trust those who are supposed to protect you. :pouting:

    And it's everywhere. An epidemic. Oh, their are good cops. But they're overshadowed by the bad or lazy ones.

    On the police force in this town I've met 3 worth their salt. The rest are little better than the people they arrest, there are a few who are worse. We had the DEA and the FBI here a few years back for a drug sweep. They arrested as many cops as they did anyone else.

    What's scarier is the police dept in the city I grew up in was even worse. I learned before jr high to never trust a cop, and I had that lesson drummed home when I went thru a mess with easy child when she was little.

    Fortunately, I know the ones here who can be trusted and I only talk with them when the need arises. The others I won't speak to unless my lawyer is sitting there.

    I'm so sorry.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It doesn't surprise me at all. They have each other's backs. The courts and legal system here are as corrupt as the day is long. Not that it's not heartbreaking for you. Just that I lost all faith a long time ago.

    {{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Steely, I'm so sorry. How sad, angry, frustrated, and many other things you must be feeling right now. That is so not right. Sending hugs.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It DID happen. Please don't let your parents and the crooked cops make you feel you imagined it.

    husband and I have LOTS of problems iwth this. My bro will do or say something cruel or outrageous, and then we are TOLD it never happened by bro and the rest of the family believes HIM, because I am just hysterical Susie.

    Imam sorry this is being added on to H's story. And making your grief worse.


  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Please don't feel crazy posting this. We are your family of choice. We are always on your side. We know it happened, we were with you through this. I'm just sorry you have to deal with this ugliness on top of everything else. Please feel validated by our love and support. If there is anything I can do to help you with your healing journey I'm here for you. I know I speak for everyone too xoxoxo ML
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    How ugly. Don't believe you're crazy. You're vulnerable & these officers are using this. And for that I'm truly sorry .... what a horrible situation.

    Do what you need to do to get strong - this situation isn't going away. Once you are strong you can decide what to do about it.

    Take care & be gentle with yourself.
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Steely -

    I'm so sorry. But, sadly, I'm not surprised. After working in municipal government, I have such a bad attitude when it comes to the police. They don't blink without their union rep and I'm sure this was no different.

    You're not crazy and I have a couple of stories to prove it. Before I tell you about an officer of the city I worked for that did get fired, let me tell you how hard it was to fire a union employee of the city. We had a firefighter come in on his day off with a gun to shoot the raccoons in the attic of one of the firehouses. He ended up accidentally shooting another firefighter in the butt. Not only did he not lose his job, when I left in 2002 he was a fire inspector. We had another firefighter/medic accused of molesting a patient. He was just demoted to firefighter - no longer a medic (I don't know what came of the accusation). So, when we had a police officer on administrative leave WITH pay for over 6 months we knew it had to be big. It was all very hush hush. I still don't know what he did. But after 6 months of paid admin leave, he was given a $54,000 payout to be fired. (!!!) Oops...I'm not supposed to tell that story. But, it was public funds, public record. Too bad.

    I'm so sorry that you bore the brunt of this. It's not right.

  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! Most Police Departments have Civilian Complaint Review Boards or you can make a complaint directly to the District Attorney. If you were calling them back from home all the way back to Oregon, send copies of your phone bills and circle the numbers that went to the PD.

    Or. You can let it go and know in your heart that this happens all over the place and you truly have seen the worst in people.

    OR you can contact the different newsmagazines (20/20, etc.) with a story suggestion about how victims families are used and abused while investigations are going on. You could even call the reporter that you supposedly "leaked" the information to and have a real discussion.

    It really depends on how spiteful you feel like being!!

    Would make a fantastic book!

    Take care!

  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Steeley, you don't need this. I am so sorry. We're here for you. Your parents are dysfunctional and as Witzend said, the cops are watching ea others' backs. Period. It's not a conspiracy against you, per se, it's just that they protect their own and don't want to admit they were *sses.
  15. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Steely- about your parents- since yourfather is ill, they may not have the reserves to grieve as hard and openly, nor to cope with the bureacracy of the police and investigators etc. They may have hit "overload" when your dad became ill- or when your sister went missing. Everyone grieves differently, and they may have been unable to cope or think about things the same way as you do. They also might have a mindset that you cannot fight city hall, maybe they just do not feel as if they have the energy to do so? I know it is hard and leaves you feeling sorta worse by their reactions to everything, but there are so many reasons why they may not have responded to any of it in the way you did or the way you might have expected them to. Sending you many hugs. THis whole thing has been such a painful thing all the way around.
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks guys. It is good to know you "believe me" and in me.

    I have to let all of this go. She is gone. And I cannot fight another fight at this point - all along knowing I will probably lose.

    I think you all are right. The cops are all in bed together - it is just so hard for my black and white mind to conceptualize. To just bold face lie to cover one another's backs is so against my moral compass - and yet to have it be the norm??? Especially amongst lawmakers???? GRrrrr. It makes me want to go on a national campaign to reform law, which goes hand in hand with my crusade to save the world........LOL.

    Oh sigh.........
    And to think I dated a cop!?!! Then again, that should say a lot - since I know how that turned out:tongue:
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Well, if you're crazy and you know it clap your hands. (Star claps twice)

    Honest to pete - there is very little left in my vocabulary that would be a plug or a kind word about our local police force.

    FYI - My son is facing 15 years in prison because a POLICE officer is LYING. So I'm the way wrong one to ask anything about how you should feel. I know how I feel - and I know that eventually liars get their comeuppance. At this point the only thing I have to give me any encouragement is that the PD of Dude's thinks I REALLY DID find a hole in his story. He said he "saw" dude trying to get into a building he was no where near. 1.) The parking lot has 1 way in and 1 way out and boy wonder was on a moped. 2.) If he "saw" him trying to break in the building with tools - WHY didn't he inspect the backpack? WHY didn't he stop him and the friend in the parking lot and arrest them then 3.) HOW LONG have those scratches been on the door hasp that the owners daughter said looked suspicious to her 4.) in a town of 212 - just WHERE did this man think my son was going "hock" an 800 lb slate pool table?

    I'm with ya - really - I am. I don't think they are any more honest than anyone else sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don't. As far as what your parents did to you both? Sounds like they are the ones who have issues.

    I'm just so sorry for you - left holding a letter like that. Do you have times and dates perhaps that you called them? Cell phone bills that would show you did in fact return their calls?

    What can I do to help?
  18. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm so sorry!!! I really don't have much to add to what the others have already said. Please post here as much as you need to. It's got to be so difficult for you to let this go!!! I hope it helps a bit just to vent everything here. We believe you!!! And, we're here for you!!!

    I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you too ... WFEN
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs, Steeley.

    I have never understood why some of the most important people in our society are the least paid and, sometimes, least educated. Our teachers, who are building are future, aren't there for the money. Our law enforcement, at least here, most have nothing more than a high school diploma. And don't even get me started on airport security...until 9/11 it rivaled a fast food joint job...better now, but...

    So sorry, S. hugs.