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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670737" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you Cedar. I do not cry as much as I used to. My tears come in the form of typing, or ink on paper. </p><p>To get my feelings out, out, out. </p><p>Keeping them locked up, is not an option, I shall go mad.</p><p></p><p>You write beautifully Cedar and Feeling and Copa, so much imagery and thoughtfulness in the words you write. How amazing and brilliant my warrior sisters are.</p><p>Yes, the load is heavy, but one of time immemorial. Who am I to question what is? I must take the winds and harness them within my sails and direct my ship. If I have to tack across the angry sea, I must. One day, the storm shall pass, and the angst will lessen.</p><p></p><p>In the retrospect of it, how did I fare? Did I do my utmost to hold fast to the teachings of my parents? </p><p></p><p>Life is such a tapestry.</p><p>Will I be able to weave a story worthy of the strands, through my actions and responses? When I should falter, in word or deed, will I be able to unravel the misstep and recreate something of beauty?</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]68v4NZG4xgE[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, walking has always comforted me. When I was younger, I would walk for hours. It helps my mind work through things.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It will take me 12-14 hours to get home.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]1GAaWz4X4nU[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>The trouble is, when do I go? I have duties here. The hubs has some medical tests mid November. I need to be here for that. Mom has an appointment with the Infectious Center Doctor on Monday. Sisters will go with her, a good thing. Mom tends to hear what she wants to, as we all do. How can one absorb all of this? Sisters will jot down notes. Mom wants to speak with her cancer Doctor, to see what he thinks, and then decide what to do. The drugs to battle the fungus are very strong, and make one sickly. </p><p>Mom already went through chemo. She does not want to go through a similar experience. </p><p>We are talking about quality of life.</p><p>I called her this morning and we had an emotional chat. She is processing everything. </p><p>She is very tired and losing weight. An independent woman, she wants to take care of herself.</p><p>How long she can do this, I don't know.</p><p>She has her friends and neighbors.</p><p>But she is alone.</p><p>When does one step in, without imposing on that fierce independence?</p><p></p><p>I cried and said to my Mom, "You must tell me, when it is time, I will be there."</p><p>She cried too and said she would send me ticket fare. I think that is her way of saying she needs me. </p><p>Until then, I will call her every day.</p><p>Thank you Cedar</p><p></p><p>Thank you Feeling. I am calmer, yes. There are many unanswered questions.</p><p></p><p>Yes, Feeling you are right, one day at a time. I will look after myself to keep my strength up.</p><p>Thank you, you are very kind.</p><p> Mom does not like that sort of thing. It befuddles her. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Feeling, you have such a way with words as well. Thank you for that. I am thinking of my warrior sisters and wishing you all God's peace. </p><p></p><p>I am so very thankful for your loving support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670737, member: 19522"] Thank you Cedar. I do not cry as much as I used to. My tears come in the form of typing, or ink on paper. To get my feelings out, out, out. Keeping them locked up, is not an option, I shall go mad. You write beautifully Cedar and Feeling and Copa, so much imagery and thoughtfulness in the words you write. How amazing and brilliant my warrior sisters are. Yes, the load is heavy, but one of time immemorial. Who am I to question what is? I must take the winds and harness them within my sails and direct my ship. If I have to tack across the angry sea, I must. One day, the storm shall pass, and the angst will lessen. In the retrospect of it, how did I fare? Did I do my utmost to hold fast to the teachings of my parents? Life is such a tapestry. Will I be able to weave a story worthy of the strands, through my actions and responses? When I should falter, in word or deed, will I be able to unravel the misstep and recreate something of beauty? [MEDIA=youtube]68v4NZG4xgE[/MEDIA] Yes, walking has always comforted me. When I was younger, I would walk for hours. It helps my mind work through things. It will take me 12-14 hours to get home. [MEDIA=youtube]1GAaWz4X4nU[/MEDIA] The trouble is, when do I go? I have duties here. The hubs has some medical tests mid November. I need to be here for that. Mom has an appointment with the Infectious Center Doctor on Monday. Sisters will go with her, a good thing. Mom tends to hear what she wants to, as we all do. How can one absorb all of this? Sisters will jot down notes. Mom wants to speak with her cancer Doctor, to see what he thinks, and then decide what to do. The drugs to battle the fungus are very strong, and make one sickly. Mom already went through chemo. She does not want to go through a similar experience. We are talking about quality of life. I called her this morning and we had an emotional chat. She is processing everything. She is very tired and losing weight. An independent woman, she wants to take care of herself. How long she can do this, I don't know. She has her friends and neighbors. But she is alone. When does one step in, without imposing on that fierce independence? I cried and said to my Mom, "You must tell me, when it is time, I will be there." She cried too and said she would send me ticket fare. I think that is her way of saying she needs me. Until then, I will call her every day. Thank you Cedar Thank you Feeling. I am calmer, yes. There are many unanswered questions. Yes, Feeling you are right, one day at a time. I will look after myself to keep my strength up. Thank you, you are very kind. Mom does not like that sort of thing. It befuddles her. Feeling, you have such a way with words as well. Thank you for that. I am thinking of my warrior sisters and wishing you all God's peace. I am so very thankful for your loving support. [/QUOTE]
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