Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
It was small, family......the kids, grandkids, me, Step, and my brother Guy who spoke for husband in the traditional way.
At first I was both sad and angry. husband's autism prevented many people from ever knowing him as a real person. It made it difficult for him to make friendships, to connect with those outside of the family, sometimes those within the family. I was sad for so much of life that he missed, that the rest of us take for granted.
And as Guy spoke, I realized that I shouldn't be sad. husband had his family, me and the kids, and our extended native family. We did everything as a family. We worked as a family. We played as a family. We lived as a family. We loved as a family. We made it through the good and the bad as a family.
Today, when we said goodbye to husband and wished him well on his new journey, we did it as a family.
I think waiting for today was harder on me than I realized. Because today was the first day I really had no physical symptoms other than a minor remaining cough.
There was a comical moment in the car. Of course we were transporting husband's remains. The kids really gave no thought when I placed the box next to me in the car. But when we reached the cemetery......Darrin asked me what was in the box. I paused a moment. Then casually as you please told him papa. His mouth fell open (papa was a BIG man, this is a little box). NUh uh! He's not in there. Yes, papa is in there. We brought him to be buried. Then I let easy child explain that he was cremated. Somethings a Nana just doesn't have to do. But we all laughed at his reaction. Aubrey took it in stride. I swear nothing phases her.
When we reached Nichole's her husband had a rum and coke ready for me. Only the boy doesn't have a clue how to make a "stiff" drink, and thought he'd pass off the cheap rum on me......I had him give me the bottle of good rum and trust me, it was good and stiff. But I was good and only had one. The grandkids really liked the picture memorial Nichole had running on her playstation. It took husband from birth until right before he died. They were a bit in awe he'd been a baby and a kid at one time. lol Darrin was glued to the military photos. easy child as resigned herself to the fact that Darrin will be a military man. It's in his genes. He's so proud of the fact that husband gave him some of his medals a few months before he passed. Aubrey was busy impressing Step with her yoga, and Oliver was melting his nana's heart.
No physical symptoms tonight either. I know I was dreading this day.
On a side note. I don't know about other funeral directors, but the one I chose has got to be the dearest man on the planet. He not only carefully talked us through this whole process, but wrote it down to help me remember. He did the paperwork for the VA. He got the death certificate, plus an extra official copy, plus several other copies and charged us for none of them. He sent one copy to social security, which let them go ahead and close it for husband without me having to drive an hour down there or spending forever trying to find all the paperwork they'd want. The CW is calling me on the 14th to fill out the forms for the death benefits so I won't have to drive down there too. He not only cut his own fee in half........he found every possible way not to charge us for things. And then? He has yet to ask to be paid. The one who did it for my stepdad wouldn't release the body for burial until mom paid the fee. easy child said she got the rather strong impression he doesn't expect to get paid, due to the finances. Well, then he'll be surprised because he'll be paid in full monday morning in cash. Wish there was something else I could do because he's bent over backward for us and it certainly wasn't for the money. But I'll be recommending him to anyone who will listen for sure.
Monday will be closing husband's acct and putting the house into my name........and pinning down the bank over the insurance so I can call them and figure that crud out once and for all. I'll also be making a doctor appointment for me. It's long overdue.
Thank you all so very much for the lovely cards, the warm thoughts and the prayers.
Hugs
At first I was both sad and angry. husband's autism prevented many people from ever knowing him as a real person. It made it difficult for him to make friendships, to connect with those outside of the family, sometimes those within the family. I was sad for so much of life that he missed, that the rest of us take for granted.
And as Guy spoke, I realized that I shouldn't be sad. husband had his family, me and the kids, and our extended native family. We did everything as a family. We worked as a family. We played as a family. We lived as a family. We loved as a family. We made it through the good and the bad as a family.
Today, when we said goodbye to husband and wished him well on his new journey, we did it as a family.
I think waiting for today was harder on me than I realized. Because today was the first day I really had no physical symptoms other than a minor remaining cough.
There was a comical moment in the car. Of course we were transporting husband's remains. The kids really gave no thought when I placed the box next to me in the car. But when we reached the cemetery......Darrin asked me what was in the box. I paused a moment. Then casually as you please told him papa. His mouth fell open (papa was a BIG man, this is a little box). NUh uh! He's not in there. Yes, papa is in there. We brought him to be buried. Then I let easy child explain that he was cremated. Somethings a Nana just doesn't have to do. But we all laughed at his reaction. Aubrey took it in stride. I swear nothing phases her.
When we reached Nichole's her husband had a rum and coke ready for me. Only the boy doesn't have a clue how to make a "stiff" drink, and thought he'd pass off the cheap rum on me......I had him give me the bottle of good rum and trust me, it was good and stiff. But I was good and only had one. The grandkids really liked the picture memorial Nichole had running on her playstation. It took husband from birth until right before he died. They were a bit in awe he'd been a baby and a kid at one time. lol Darrin was glued to the military photos. easy child as resigned herself to the fact that Darrin will be a military man. It's in his genes. He's so proud of the fact that husband gave him some of his medals a few months before he passed. Aubrey was busy impressing Step with her yoga, and Oliver was melting his nana's heart.
No physical symptoms tonight either. I know I was dreading this day.
On a side note. I don't know about other funeral directors, but the one I chose has got to be the dearest man on the planet. He not only carefully talked us through this whole process, but wrote it down to help me remember. He did the paperwork for the VA. He got the death certificate, plus an extra official copy, plus several other copies and charged us for none of them. He sent one copy to social security, which let them go ahead and close it for husband without me having to drive an hour down there or spending forever trying to find all the paperwork they'd want. The CW is calling me on the 14th to fill out the forms for the death benefits so I won't have to drive down there too. He not only cut his own fee in half........he found every possible way not to charge us for things. And then? He has yet to ask to be paid. The one who did it for my stepdad wouldn't release the body for burial until mom paid the fee. easy child said she got the rather strong impression he doesn't expect to get paid, due to the finances. Well, then he'll be surprised because he'll be paid in full monday morning in cash. Wish there was something else I could do because he's bent over backward for us and it certainly wasn't for the money. But I'll be recommending him to anyone who will listen for sure.
Monday will be closing husband's acct and putting the house into my name........and pinning down the bank over the insurance so I can call them and figure that crud out once and for all. I'll also be making a doctor appointment for me. It's long overdue.
Thank you all so very much for the lovely cards, the warm thoughts and the prayers.
Hugs