The more we learn the worse he gets

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BWest, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. BWest

    BWest New Member

    It is seeming that the more my husband and I learn about and come to terms with the fact that there is something going on with our little guy...the more he shows us....Yep, Mom and Dad, you're right! And frankly, I'm just not dealing with it very well....I can not stop crying. I feel like I'm falling into a hole and am trying to cling on but just can't.

    This morning, husband turned TV on because difficult child wanted to watch Rudolph (a new DVD) but when the TV came on, it was Nickelodeon and a cartoon that has no business being a cartoon where there were characters karate chopping each other left and right...Of course difficult child wanted to watch...I came in and knew that it was not appropriate, especially for a child who can be aggressive without any ideas. I told him nicely that the show was not nice and we needed to turn it...He screamed no and started to get irritated...I told him again...again screaming it is his favorite and I'm stupid...I told him that I was going to count to three and then turn the channel...he said nothing...I did and all hell broke loose. He immediately began to karate chop me like he had seen on tv. I took him to timeout where he hit me again and called me stupid and that he doesn't like me. He kept coming to the door of his timeout room calling me stupid. He wouldn't settle down...(all of this has happened in about 5 minutes) He ran out of the room and threw the remote causing the batteries to go flying...then hit at me again. I left the room where he and husband were and went to take a bath....and cry...He came in about 10 minutes later and said the was sorry and that he loved me and game me a kiss. The whole episode lasted about 15 to 20 minutes.

    Of course, I know, I did not really handle the situation right. This afternoon, I checked out the Explosive Child from the library, and am only on Ch. 2 but still recognize that I needed to do things differently on the front end instead of trying to bring him back once he was out of control. We go back to therapy on Tuesday. The therapist, who we met with last Wed., is very nice and I'm looking forward to working with her.

    Anyway...I just needed to vent. So, if you managed to read this far...Thanks.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Sounds like your child can use an evaluation.I would not trust a regular therapist to get a good diagnosis. My guess is she will say he has ODD (it almost never stands alone and isn't a very useful diagnosis). I have a few questions that can help us help you.
    1/Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of your family tree?
    2/Was your pregnancy and delivery normal?
    3/How were his milestones? I'm assuming he didn't have a speech delay. Can your son make the transition from one activity to another without having a meltdown? Is he fussy about the textures of his clothes, or sensitive to loud noise (covers ears or cries), won't eat certain foods, sensitive to lights? Does he get nervous in crowds of people and in new places? How is his eye contact with strangers and does he play appropriately with peers his age (this is hard since he is only three, but can he interact well, give and take a toy, laugh at something silly?) Does he memorize television shows, repeat things he's heard, have any obsessions? Does he play with toys appropriately? Does he have good imaginative play?

    I would definitely have him at least evaluated by the public school system so he can get early interventions. Then I"d take him to a neuropsychologist for a more intensive evaluation. This isn't normal behavior for a three year old and he's not being "bad." He is frustrated and angry, and he may have sort of childhood disorder. The earlier you get help for him, the better his overall prognosis for a happy, rich life.
    Welcome to the board :)
  3. BWest

    BWest New Member

    I have already made mention to some of this in another thread. I take lexapro for anxiety/mood husband has adult onset ADD other than that no as far as psychiatric problems. difficult child was delivered by C-section. Colicy/hard to please as a baby...especially difficult with sleep. However, he now sleeps through the night and has for over a year.

    He has hit all of his milestones...he has no repetitive behaviors or obsessions. He can play with other children. There are certain children he does not play as well best friend and neighbor's little girl who is 2 and very loud and argumentative and a girl in his class at school. He can give and take a toy but sometimes has trouble with this. He does have difficulty transitioning from one activity to another if it is a transition from an activity he is interested in.

    I realize that there is a problem. We are working on it.

    On a brighter note....the rest of the day was great...difficult child went to gattiland with husband and had a blast....husband reported he was very well behaved....after they returned, he was great all evening. Presently, he's asleep. So, 20 minutes out of a whole day...not too bad.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Some of us have found that limiting tv (even blocking channels) has been helpful. I know one woman (she doesn't post here) that set up a tv as a monitor only & connected it to the dvd player so her child could only watch pre-screened dvds.
  5. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    It's so frustrating when they are in an EXPLOSION and then you have to bring them back!!! My son also had normal delivery, pregnancy, and was a VERY good baby! He also met all his milestones and didn't start his explosions until abt. 18mo old!

    I finished reading the Explosive Child and it was very helpful. I also gave it to my sitter to read and she is now trying to work with him because he had more explosions there than at home...

    I also try to prepare Cole for transitions, but sometimes it just doesnt work. UGH!! We also have blocked channels and only DVD's, but I completly understand it had really NOTHING to do with TV and EVERYTHING to do with the frustration of knowing every battle with your child is soooo hard!! HUGS!!!
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Given the family history, the behaviors you're seeing, and the fact that you've recognized the problem, I'd also advise taking the further steps of having him assessed privately and through the school district. A therapist alone can only do so much without a diagnosis and without interventions to address the reasons behind the behaviors. The reasons I'm suggesting that you get moving now is that 1) there are very long waiting lists (6 months to a year) to see specialists in some parts of the country and 2) you'd want to get any therapies started ASAP because most therapies are most effective at young ages. First diagnoses are usually working diagnoses and not final, but they usually give enough to give some direction.